“Chikondi sichili zonse”: 3 choonadi chowawa

Mu 1967, John Lennon analemba nyimbo yachikondi — nyimbo "All You Need is Love" ("Chimene mukufuna ndi chikondi"). Mwa njira, iye anamenya akazi ake, sanasamale za mwanayo, ananena mawu odana ndi Ayuda ndi odana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ponena za bwana wake, ndipo kamodzi anagona pabedi pansi pa magalasi a makamera a TV kwa tsiku lonse.

Zaka 35 pambuyo pake, Nine Inch Nails 'Trent Reznor analemba nyimbo ya "Love is Not Enough." Reznor, mosasamala kanthu za kutchuka kwake, adatha kugonjetsa kumwerekera kwake kwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo ndi kumwa moŵa ndipo anasiya ntchito yake yoimba kuti azikhala ndi nthaŵi yochuluka ndi mkazi wake ndi ana.

Mmodzi mwa amunawa anali ndi lingaliro lomveka bwino la chikondi, winayo analibe. Mmodzi anali ndi chikondi chenicheni, winayo sanatero. Wina angakhale kuti anadwala narcissism, winayo sangakhale.

Ngati, monga Lennon, timakhulupirira kuti chikondi ndi chokwanira, ndiye timakonda kunyalanyaza mfundo zofunika monga ulemu, ulemu ndi kukhulupirika kwa iwo amene "tawazolowera". Kupatula apo, ngati chikondi chimathetsa mavuto onse, bwanji kuda nkhawa ndi zina zonse - ziyenera kudzikonza mwanjira ina?

Ndipo pamene tikugwirizana ndi Reznor kuti chikondi chokha sichikwanira, timazindikira kuti maubwenzi abwino amafunikira zambiri kuposa kutengeka maganizo ndi zilakolako. Timamvetsetsa kuti pali chinthu china chofunika kwambiri kuposa kutentha kwa chikondi, ndipo chimwemwe m'banja pamapeto pake chimadalira zinthu zina zambiri zomwe sizijambulidwa kapena kuimbidwa.

Nazi mfundo zitatu.

1. CHIKONDI SICHILINGANA NDI KUGWIRIZANA

Kungoti munagwa m’chikondi sizikutanthauza kuti munthuyo ndi woyenera kwa inu. Anthu amayamba kukondana ndi omwe samangokhalira kugawana zofuna zawo, koma amatha kuwononga miyoyo yawo. Koma chikhulupiriro chakuti alipo «umagwirira» ndi chinthu chachikulu zimapangitsa munthu kunyoza liwu la kulingalira. Inde, ndi chidakwa ndipo amawononga ndalama zake zonse (ndi zanu) mu kasino, koma ichi ndi chikondi ndipo muyenera kukhala limodzi zivute zitani.

Posankha bwenzi la moyo, mvetserani osati zomverera za agulugufe akuwuluka m'mimba mwanu, mwinamwake nthawi zovuta zidzabwera posachedwa.

2. CHIKONDI SICHITHETSA MAVUTO A MOYO

Ine ndi bwenzi langa loyamba tinkakondana kwambiri. Tinkakhala m'mizinda yosiyana, makolo athu anali adani, tinalibe ndalama ndipo tinkangokhalira kukangana pazifukwa zazing'ono, koma nthawi zonse tinkapeza chitonthozo povomereza mwachidwi, chifukwa chikondi chinali mphatso yosowa ndipo tinkakhulupirira kuti posachedwa adzapambana.

Komabe, ichi chinali chinyengo. Palibe chomwe chinasintha, zonyansazo zinapitilira, tinavutika chifukwa cholephera kuwonana. Kukambitsirana pa foni kunatenga maola ambiri, koma kunalibe zomveka. Zaka zitatu za kuzunzidwa zinatha panthawi yopuma. Phunziro limene ndinaphunzira pa zimenezi n’lakuti, ngakhale kuti chikondi chingakuthandizeni kukhala ndi chiyembekezo cha mavuto m’moyo, koma sichimathetsa. Ubwenzi wachimwemwe umafunikira maziko okhazikika.

3. NSEMBE ZA CHIKONDI KAŵirikaŵiri sizilungamitsidwa.

Nthawi ndi nthawi, okondedwa aliyense amapereka zokhumba, zosowa ndi nthawi. Koma ngati chifukwa cha chikondi muyenera kusiya kudzidalira, kudzikuza, kapena ntchito, zimayamba kukuwonongani mkati. Maubwenzi apamtima ayenera kukwaniritsa umunthu wathu.

Mudzatha kuchitika mwachikondi kokha ngati chinachake chofunika kwambiri kuposa kumverera uku chikuwonekera m'moyo wanu. Chikondi ndi matsenga, chochitika chodabwitsa, koma monga china chirichonse, chochitika ichi chikhoza kukhala chabwino ndi choipa ndipo sichiyenera kufotokoza kuti ndife ndani kapena chifukwa chomwe tilili. Chilakolako chowononga zonse sichiyenera kukusandutsani mthunzi wanu. Chifukwa izi zikachitika, mumadzitaya nokha komanso chikondi.

Za wolemba: Mark Manson ndi blogger.