Zamkatimu
Lingaliro lakuti thupi la mmodzi wa okwatiranawo, pambuyo pa malumbiro a ukwati, limakhala chuma cha winayo, lakhazikika m’maganizo mwa anthu kotero kuti tikamalankhula za kukhulupirika, nthawi zambiri timatanthauza kukhulupirika kwa thupi, osati kwa mtima. Komabe, masiku ano, pamene anthu akuyesetsa kuti adzipeze okha ndi malo awo padziko lapansi, ndi bwino kusiyana ndi lingaliro la kukhulupirika monga chikhalidwe cha anthu ndi kuyankhula za izo monga mgwirizano pakati pa akuluakulu omwe asankha kuti mgwirizano wawo ndi mgwirizano. chofunika kwambiri, ndi chapadera ndipo sayenera kutenga zoopsa. .
Kwa zaka mazana ambiri, anthu ankakhulupirira kuti kukhulupirika muukwati ndi lamulo lomwe limayamba kugwira ntchito pamene okwatirana amavala mphete zaukwati. Kuyambira pamenepo, okwatiranawo amakhala kwa wina ndi mnzake. Koma, mwatsoka, kukhulupirika pakokha sikupangitsa banja kukhala losangalala. Koma kusakhulupirika kungawononge mgwirizanowo: ngakhale ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wonyengedwayo angakhululukire zomwe zidachitika, malingaliro amakhalidwe amakakamizika kuchitira molakwika kupatuka kulikonse kwachizoloŵezicho. Kubera ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zimene zingawononge ukwati.
Koma mwina tiyenera kuyang’ana kukhulupirika ndi kusakhulupirika mwanjira ina. Yandikirani mutuwu mozindikira, lekani kudalira miyambo yakale ndi zikhalidwe zakale ndipo kumbukirani kuti pankhani ya chikondi ndi kukhulupirirana, palibe malo a cliches ndi clichés.
Zipembedzo zambiri zimaumirira kukhulupirika muukwati, koma pakadali pano, ziŵerengero zimasonyeza kuti makhalidwe abwino ndi mfundo zachipembedzo zokha sizimatsimikizira zimenezo.
Njira yatsopano yaukwati imafunikira tanthawuzo la "kwatsopano" kukhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi. Zimazikidwa pa lingaliro lakuti kukhulupirika ndi kusankha kumene timapanga pamodzi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wathu. Kukwatiwa kwa mwamuna mmodzi kuyenera kukambitsirana kumayambiriro kwa chibwenzicho ndipo mapanganowa ayenera kutsimikiziridwa muukwati wonsewo.
Tisanalowe mu zomwe kukhulupirika kogwirizana ndi, tiyeni tifotokoze tanthauzo la kukhulupirika mu «wakale» mwamuna mmodzi.
Psychology ya «akale» monogamy
Katswiri wa zabanja Esther Perel akunena kuti kukhala ndi mkazi mmodzi kumachokera ku zochitika zakale. Panthawiyo, mwachisawawa, ankakhulupirira kuti chikondi chimaperekedwa mopanda dyera kwa mutu wa banja - popanda njira zina ndi kukayikira. Chochitika choyambirira ichi cha "umodzi" chinkatanthauza umodzi wopanda malire.
Perel amatcha wakale monogamy «monolithic», zochokera chikhumbo kukhala wapadera, yekhayo wina. Zinkaganiziridwa kuti padziko lapansi pali munthu wotero yemwe ali ndi zonse zomwe mnzake akufuna. Kwa wina ndi mzake, adakhala mabwenzi, mabwenzi apamtima, okondana kwambiri. Miyoyo yachibale, theka lathunthu.
Chilichonse chomwe timachitcha, lingaliro lachikhalidwe la kukhala ndi mkazi mmodzi lakhala chisonyezero cha chikhumbo chathu chofuna kukhala osasinthika, apadera.
Kusiyanitsa kotereku kumafuna kudzipatula, ndipo kusakhulupirika kumawonedwa ngati kusakhulupirika. Ndipo popeza kuti kusakhulupirika kumaphwanya malire a umunthu wathu, sikungakhululukidwe.
M’kupita kwa nthaŵi zinthu zasintha. Pakali pano, chinthu chabwino kwambiri chimene okwatirana angachite m’banja ndicho kuvomereza kuti kukhulupirika ndi chikhulupiriro, osati mwambo kapena chikhalidwe. Chotero mukuvomereza kuti kukhala ndi mkazi mmodzi sikulamulidwanso ndi miyambo ya anthu ndi kuti kukhulupirika kuyenera kuwonedwa monga chosankha chimene inu ndi mnzanuyo mupanga pamodzi muukwati wanu.
Mgwirizano pa «latsopano» mwamuna mmodzi
Mgwirizano wa ukwati watsopano umachokera ku lingaliro lakuti lingaliro lakale la kukhala ndi mkazi mmodzi lazikidwa pa chikhumbo chakale cha kukhala chapadera chimene tikuyesera kuchipanganso muukwati wathu. Ndi bwino kukambirana za kukhulupirika monga chizindikiro cha udindo wa okwatirana kwa wina ndi mzake.
Chikhumbo chokhala wapadera muubwenzi chiyenera kusinthidwa ndi kumvetsetsa kuti inu ndi mnzanuyo ndinu anthu odziimira okha omwe amalingalira ukwati ngati mgwirizano. Kukhulupirika ku maubwenzi n’kofunika, osati kwa munthu payekha.
Zimatengera chiyani kuti mugwirizane
Pamene mukukambilana za kukhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi, pali zinthu zitatu zimene muyenera kugwirizana poyamba: kukhulupirika, kumasuka mu maubwenzi, ndi kukhulupirika pogonana.
Kuona Mtima zikutanthauza kuti mumamasuka pa maubwenzi ndi ena - kuphatikizapo mfundo yakuti mungakonde munthu wina ndipo mukhoza kukhala ndi malingaliro okhudza iye.
mgwirizano wotseguka akusonyeza kuti mukambirane malire a ubwenzi wanu ndi ena. Kodi ndi bwino kugawana zambiri zaumwini, malingaliro apamtima, kukumana ndi anzanu, ndi zina zotero.
kukhulupirika pakugonana - zikutanthauza chiyani kwenikweni kwa inu. Kodi mumalola mnzanuyo kufuna munthu wina, kuwonera zolaula, kukhala ndi maubwenzi pa intaneti.
Sexual kukhulupirika mgwirizano
Aliyense wa inu aganizire mmene mumaonera kukhulupirika m’banja. Yang'anani momwe mumaganizira pa kugonana ndi mwamuna mmodzi. Mwachionekere, unapangidwa mosonkhezeredwa ndi makhalidwe a m’banja, zikhulupiriro zachipembedzo, maudindo a chikhalidwe cha kugonana, makhalidwe aumwini ndi zofunika za chitetezo chaumwini.
Zokonda zamkati zitha kukhala motere:
"Tikulonjeza kuti tidzakhala okhulupirika mpaka mmodzi wa ife adzatopa ndi mzake";
“Ndidziwa kuti simudzasintha, koma ndili ndi ufulu umenewo”;
“Ndidzakhala wokhulupirika, koma udzanyenga chifukwa uli mwamuna”;
"Tidzakhala okhulupirika, kupatula patchuthi chaching'ono."
Ndikofunikira kukambirana malingaliro amkati awa pagawo la mapangano paukwati watsopano.
Kodi kukhulupirika pakugonana ndi kotheka m'banja?
Pagulu, kukhulupirika pakugonana m'banja kumatanthawuza, koma m'machitidwe, malangizo a chikhalidwe ndi chikhalidwe amaphwanyidwa. Mwinamwake ino ndiyo nthaŵi yomvetsetsa mmene chikondi, udindo, ndi “umodzi” wakugonana zimagwirizanirana.
Tiyerekeze kuti onse awiri agwirizana kuti adzakhala okhulupirika kwa wina ndi mnzake, koma wina wachita chinyengo. Kodi angakhale osangalala?
Ambiri sanamangidwe kuti akhale ndi mkazi mmodzi. Amakhulupirira kuti amuna amakonda kubera. Amakonda kugonana popanda kutengeka maganizo, amayesa zatsopano. Amuna ambiri okwatira amanena kuti ndi osangalala m’banja, koma amabera chinyengo chifukwa chofuna kuyesa china chatsopano, chosoŵa chochita.
Asayansi ena amakhulupirirabe kuti mwachibadwa amuna sangathe kukhala okhulupirika kwa mwamuna mmodzi. Ngakhale kuganiza kuti ndi choncho, ndi bwino kukumbukira kuti anyamata akamakula, amaphunzitsidwa kuti azigonana nthawi zonse ndipo azikhala okonzeka nthawi zonse kuti adziwonetsere.
Chifukwa chake sizikudziwikabe chomwe chili chofunikira kwambiri - biology kapena maphunziro.
Mwamuna amene amagona ndi akazi osiyanasiyana amalemekezedwa, amaonedwa kuti ndi «mwamuna weniweni», «macho», «womanizer». Mawu onsewa ndi abwino. Koma mkazi amene amagona ndi amuna ambiri amatsutsidwa ndipo amatchedwa mawu ndi tanthauzo loipa kwambiri.
Mwina ndi nthawi yoti musiye kuchita zinthu mopambanitsa pamene mnzanu wabwerera m'malumbiro a ukwati ndipo akufuna kugonana pambali? Mwina ndi nthawi yoti muyambe kukambirana za kugonana ndi ena ngati njira yothetsera mavuto ogonana m'mabanja?
M’pofunikanso kuneneratu malire a zimene ziloledwa ndi kuleka kukhudzidwa ndi maganizo. Tikunena makamaka za kukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi wapamtima. Masiku ano, munthu ayenera kuganizira kuti pankhani ya chikondi, kukhulupirirana, ndi zokonda za kugonana, palibe malamulo oyenerera aliyense.
Pangano, osati mwambo
Kukhulupirika kuyenera kukhala kusankha kozindikira komwe kungakulimbikitseni kukhala limodzi kwa zaka zambiri. Kumatanthauza kudzidalira, chifundo ndi kukoma mtima. Kukhulupirika ndi chisankho chomwe muyenera kukambirana kuti muteteze ubale wamtengo wapatali pamene nonse mukupitiriza kukula ndikukula ngati munthu payekha.
Nazi mfundo zingapo zokhuza kukhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi yekha:
Kukhulupirika muukwati siumboni wa «umodzi” wanu.
Chofunika ndi kukhulupirika paubwenzi, osati kwa inu monga munthu.
Kukhulupirika sikupereka msonkho ku miyambo, koma kusankha.
Kukhulupirika ndi mgwirizano womwe nonse mungathe kukambirana.
Kukwatiwa kwatsopano kumafuna mgwirizano pa kukhulupirika, kumasuka mu maubwenzi ndi kukhulupirika pogonana. Kodi mwakonzekera izi?