Mukutsimikiza kuti mukunena zowona, koma mnzanuyo akunena kuti zidawoneka kwa inu. Mumadziwa zomwe munamva ndi kuziwona, koma mumayamba kukayikira, chifukwa mwamuna wanu adanena kuti zonse zinali zosiyana. Pamapeto pake, mumafika pomaliza kuti: "Mwachiwonekere ndili ndi vuto ndi mutu wanga." Nkhani ya heroine ndi momwe mungazindikire kuwala kwa gasi ndikusiya kutsika.
Mayi wina wazaka XNUMX wabwera kudzalandira chithandizo posachedwa. Pambuyo pa zaka makumi awiri zaukwati, adadzimva wopanda pake, wosafunikira ndipo adafuna kufa posachedwa. Poyang'ana koyamba, panalibe zifukwa zomveka zodzipha komanso kumva kupweteka kwambiri m'maganizo. Ana odabwitsa, nyumbayo ndi mbale yodzaza, mwamuna wachikondi ndi wokonda. Kuyambira pamisonkhano kupita ku misonkhano, tinafufuza zimene zimachititsa kuti avutike maganizo.
Kamodzi kasitomala amakumbukira zomwe zinachitika zaka zambiri zapitazo. Banjalo linayenda kuzungulira Russia ndi galimoto, masana iwo "adathamangitsidwa" ndi dalaivala mu Lada yakale, ndipo atadutsa, anatembenuka, akuwombera, akuwonetsa zonyansa. Anamuseka mokondwa dalaivala wachilendo uja. Pobwerera kunyumba, adayitana abwenzi, ndipo kasitomala, monga mwini nyumbayo, anayamba kuuza alendo za wothamangitsayo, kusonyeza maonekedwe a nkhope ya mwamunayo pankhope zake ndi mitundu yake.
Mwamunayo mwadzidzidzi ananena kuti mkazi wake akusokoneza chirichonse. Dalaivalayo anawapeza kamodzi kokha ndipo sanakwiye mwanyansi. Wothandizira wanga adanenetsa kuti zonse zidachitika ndendende momwe adafotokozera. Mwamunayo anafunsa mwana wakeyo kuti, kodi ndi mmene amayiwo amafotokozera, kapena mmene amanenera? Mwanayo ananena kuti bambo akewo ananena zoona. Choncho mkaziyo anaikidwa «openga» pamaso pa alendo.
Tsiku lotsatira, pakudya chakudya cham'mawa, anayesanso kukonzanso zochitikazo, koma mwamuna wake ndi ana ake adanena kuti akulota. Pang'onopang'ono, mkati mwa psychotherapy, kukumbukira kunatulutsa magawo atsopano otsika kuchokera ku chikumbumtima. Mwamuna wake sanamumvere, anagogomezera kusakwanira kwake pamaso pa ana ake, achibale ndi mabwenzi. Wofuna chithandizoyo anakumbukira mmene analira momvetsa chisoni pambuyo pa msonkhano wa makolo ndi mphunzitsi, pamene mphunzitsiyo anaŵerenga nkhani yachilendo ya mwana wake wamkazi wamng’ono, pamene zolakwa za mayiyo zinandandalikidwa pa mfundo ndi mfundo, pamene ana ena analemba zinthu zosangalatsa ndi zabwino zokhazokha zokhudza amayi awo. .
Cholinga chachikulu cha kuyatsa gasi ndikufesa kukayikira mwa munthu wina za kukwanira kwawo, kudzidalira.
Tsiku lina, ali m’kati mwa chakudya chamadzulo, anaona kuti ana ndi atate ake anali kumuseka: mwamuna wake anali kutsanzira kadyedwe kake… Msonkhanowo unatsatira msonkhanowo, ndipo tinapatsidwa chithunzi chosawoneka bwino cha kunyozeredwa ndi kunyozeka kwa mkazi chifukwa cha kadyedwe kake. mwamuna wake. Ngati adachita bwino pantchito, adatsitsidwa nthawi yomweyo kapena kunyalanyazidwa. Koma panthawi imodzimodziyo, mwamunayo amakumbukira tsiku laukwati, tsiku lobadwa ndi masiku ena osaiwalika, anampatsa mphatso zamtengo wapatali, anali wachikondi komanso wodekha, wokonda kugonana.
Wothandizira wanga adapeza mphamvu kuti alankhule mosabisa kanthu ndi ana ndipo adapeza kuti mwamuna wake kumbuyo kwake adawapangitsa kukhala ogwirizana nawo pamasewera ake. Chifukwa cha mkhalidwe wovutika maganizo wa kasitomala anapeza kuti mwadongosolo mobisa maganizo nkhanza, amene akatswiri a zamaganizo amatcha gaslighting.
Gaslighting ndi mtundu wina wa nkhanza zamaganizidwe momwe wozunza amawongolera wozunzidwayo. Cholinga chachikulu cha kuyatsa gasi ndikufesa kukayikira mwa munthu wina za kukwanira kwawo, kudzidalira. Nthawi zambiri masewera ankhanzawa amaseweredwa ndi amuna pokhudzana ndi mkazi.
Ndinamufunsa wofuna chithandizoyo ngati sanazindikire chizolowezi chochitira nkhanza maganizo asanalowe m’banja. Inde, adawona mawu onyoza ndi onyoza a mkwatiyo kwa agogo ake ndi amayi ake, koma mochenjera adakwanitsa kumulimbikitsa kuti okondedwa ake akuyenera, pamene anali mngelo m'thupi ... tcherani khutu ku ma barbs, matsenga ndi zochita zomwe zimayika chikaiko osati pa kufunikira kwake komanso kudzidalira kwake, komanso kukwanira kwake.
Pamapeto pake, iye anayamba kukhulupirira kuti sanali kuimira chirichonse mu gulu, ndipo ambiri anali "wopenga" pang'ono. Koma simunganyenge moyo wanu ndi thupi lanu: mutu waukulu ndi ululu wamaganizo zinamubweretsa kwa ine.
Wowunikira gasi, monga Bluebeard, ali ndi chipinda chobisika momwe samasungira mitembo ya akazi akale, koma miyoyo yowonongeka ya ozunzidwa achikazi.
Pankhani iyi, ndikukumbukira momwe Dunya Raskolnikova, mlongo wa protagonist wa buku la Dostoevsky la Crime and Punishment, anauza mchimwene wake za chibwenzi chake Luzhin. Rodion Raskolnikov adamudzudzula mokwiya kuti, podziwika ndi mkwati, nthawi zambiri amagwiritsa ntchito mawu akuti "zikuwoneka", ndipo zikuwoneka kuti "akuwoneka" kuti akwatire chifukwa cha izi.
Zowonjezereka kwambiri vuto la sadism yobisika ya munthu likukulira mu nthano ya "Bluebeard". Monga mkwatibwi, mtsikanayo amakhulupirira kuti Bluebeard ndi wokongola, koma ndi zosamvetsetseka. Amachotsa kukayikira kwake, monganso kasitomala wanga, komanso ambiri aife.
Koma gaslighter, monga ngwazi ya nthano, ali ndi chipinda chobisika kumene amasunga mitembo ya akazi akale, koma miyoyo yowonongeka ya akazi - ozunzidwa m'maganizo. Posakhalitsa (koma bwino posachedwa) mkazi ayenera kuganiza: chifukwa chiyani zimakhala zowawa kuti akhale pafupi ndi mwamuna yemwe ali ndi chithunzi chowoneka bwino?
Imakhetsa chinsinsi cha chipinda chobisika chobisika mukuya kwa chidziwitso chathu, komwe timatumiza chilichonse chomwe chidzawululire chowonadi chosasangalatsa kotero kuti pali sadist pafupi, kufunafuna kupeza mphamvu zonse pa ife ndikupeza chisangalalo kuchokera ku zowawa zathu zamaganizidwe.
Kuchiritsa - kulimbana ndi gaslighter - kumayamba ndikufunsa funso loyenera kuti zosaoneka ziwoneke. Lingaliro lazomwe zikuchitika limakupatsani mwayi wopanga njira yoyenera yamakhalidwe ndikumanga malire anu polumikizana ndi chowunikira.
Zoyenera kuchita ngati mukuganiza kuti mnzanuyo ndi woyaka mafuta?
- Phunzirani kusiyanitsa upangiri waubwenzi ndi chichirikizo ndi kudzudzulidwa ndi chikhumbo chachinsinsi chofuna kudziwonetsera nokha pamtengo wanu.
- Ndipo ngati munamva belu wonyenga wa moyo wanu - "zikuoneka kuti iye ndi wabwino kwambiri", - musathamangire kupita mu ubale wapamtima ndi izi "zikuwoneka".
- Perekani nthawi kuti chinsinsicho chiwululidwe.
- Chotsani chithumwa cha zolosera zomwe zimapangitsa mwamuna kukhala wokongola, ngakhale atawoneka wokongola bwanji kwa inu poyambira.
- Kaŵirikaŵiri, kuputa kopangidwa mwaluso kumene kumatithandiza kuona nkhope yeniyeni ya chounikira gasi kumatithandiza kuchotsa chinyengo.
- Osalola aliyense kuti akuyitaneni "wokondedwa", apa ndipamene nkhani zambiri zachisoni zimayambira.