Chikondi chimatipangitsa kukhala osatetezeka. Kutsegula kwa wokondedwa, timamulola kuti apirire zodzitchinjiriza zonse, kotero amatha kutipweteka kuposa wina aliyense. Kumakhala kovuta kwambiri kupirira zokumana nazo zomwe okondedwa amabweretsa. Timapereka zolimbitsa thupi pamilandu yotere.
Muubwenzi uliwonse wofunikira, kaya ubwenzi, chikondi kapena banja, zokumana nazo zowawa zimachitika. Kalanga, "zabwino" ndi "zoipa" maganizo nthawi zonse zimagwirizana. Posakhalitsa, munthu amene timalankhula naye amayamba kukhumudwitsa, kukwiyitsa, kukwiyira chinachake. Nanga bwanji zokumana nazo zowawa? Kuledzera nawo? Kumenyana? Asiyeni atilamulire?
Katswiri wa zamaganizo wa ku Australia Ras Harris, wolemba wa How to Improve Relationships. Kuchokera ku Zongopeka Kupita ku Zowona" ndi Mlengi wa njira yoyambirira ya kusinthasintha kwa maganizo, amapereka njira ina - njira ya "Dzina" yopangidwa ndi iye, yozikidwa pa kuvomereza maganizo ake ndi kuzindikira.
Gawo 1: Zindikirani
Kunena zoona, pamene maganizo amphamvu, m’pamenenso kumakhala kovuta kulimbana nawo. Choyamba, zimene timachita kwa iwo zimasanduka chizolowezi, ndipo timasiya kuziona. Chachiwiri, tikakhala ndi malingaliro amphamvu, malingaliro athu amalephera kuwazindikira.
Apa ndipamene kupuma mwanzeru kumakhala kothandiza.
- Choyamba, tsitsani mpweya m'mapapo anu potulutsa mpweya mokwanira momwe mungathere. Ndiye mulole mpweya uwadzaze kachiwiri, kuyambira pansi ndi kusunthira mmwamba.
- Zindikirani momwe mpweya umadzazira ndikusiya mapapu anu. Ndibwino kuti nthawi imodzi muzilankhula nokha mukupuma kuti: "Ndimasiya maganizo anga ndi malingaliro anga", "Nkhani iyi sindikhudzanso."
- Kufalitsa chidziwitso kuchokera ku mpweya kupita ku thupi ndipo yesani kuzindikira malo omwe mumamva kutengeka kwambiri. Nthawi zambiri ndi pamphumi, cheekbones, khosi, mmero, mapewa, chifuwa, pamimba.
- Onani pamene kutengeka mtima kumayambira ndi kumene kumathera. Kodi malire amalingaliro anu ali kuti? Ndi pamwamba kapena mkati? Kodi yaima kapena ikusintha malo ake? Kutentha kotani? Kodi ili ndi malo otentha kapena ozizira? Phunzirani zambiri momwe mungathere, ngati kuti ndinu wasayansi wofuna kudziwa zambiri yemwe anali asanakumanepo ndi zochitika ngati izi.
Gawo 2: Zindikirani
Chotsatira ndikuvomereza poyera kukhalapo kwa malingalirowa. Nenani kwa inu nokha, "Uwu ndi mkwiyo" kapena "Uku ndi kusakonda." Musanene kuti "Ndakwiya" kapena "Sindikukonda" chifukwa pamenepa mumadziwonetsera nokha ndi malingaliro omwe mukukumana nawo, potero mumalimbitsa.
Yesetsani kuzindikira kuti sindinu malingaliro anu, monga momwe simuli malingaliro anu.
Maganizo ndi maganizo amabwera ndi kupita, amakudutsani ngati mitambo ikuyandama mlengalenga. Iwo si inu! Nenani, "Ndine pano, mkwiyo wanga ndi uwu," taonani momwe izi zimakulolani kuti mubwerere pang'ono kuchokera kumalingaliro amenewo. Njira yosavuta ndiyo kutchula malingaliro m'mawu amodzi: "mkwiyo", "mlandu", "mantha", "chisoni".
Kuzindikiridwa ndi gawo lofunikira pakuvomerezedwa. Zikutanthauza kuti mukubwerera kudziko lenileni. Pamene mukuvomereza malingaliro anu, musaweruze kapena kuweruza. Ndi mawu akuti "Zomwe ndikumva ndizowopsa!" mudzadzikakamiza kupewa kutengeka m'malo movomereza.
Gawo 3: Pangani malo
Tikakumana ndi zowawa, chidwi chathu chimacheperachepera, ndipo m'malo mopereka mpata ku zokumana nazo zathu, timayesa kuzilowetsa mkati mwathu kapena kuzikankhira kutali ndi ife. Zili ngati kutsekera kavalo wamantha m’khola laling’ono, kumene adzayamba kuwononga chilichonse chozungulira.
Koma mukamulola kuti apite kumunda kumene angathamangire momasuka, posachedwapa adzawononga mphamvu zake n’kukhala chete osamuvulaza. Ngati tipereka mpata wokwanira ku malingaliro, mphamvu zawo zimatha popanda kutibweretsera mavuto ambiri.
- Pumirani kwambiri. Tangoganizani kuti mpweya wopumira umafika pamalingaliro omwe mukukumana nawo ndikuuphimba, ndiyeno malo ena omasuka amatseguka mkati mwanu, momwe zowawa zowawa zimatha kukwanira.
- Onani ngati mungalole malingaliro anu olakwika kulamulira malo amenewo. Simusowa kuti muzikonda zomwe iwo ali. Inu mumangowalola iwo kukhala mu danga ili. Imeneyi si njira yanzeru yochotseratu malingaliro oipa, koma njira yokhayo yodziwira. Kudzakhala kosavuta kumaliza sitepe iyi ngati mutadziuza nokha kuti, "Ndikutsegula," kapena "Pano pali malo omasuka," kapena kunena mawu otalikirapo monga, "Sindimakonda kutengeka kumeneku, koma ndili ndi malo. za izo.”
- Pitirizani kupuma mwachidziwitso, kuphimba malingaliro anu ndi mpweya wokoka ndikutsegula pang'onopang'ono, kupanga malo ochulukirapo kwa iwo.
Mutha kuchita izi kwa nthawi yonse yomwe mukufuna, mphindi imodzi kapena mphindi 20. Komabe, ndikuchita, mutha kuchita mumasekondi 10.
Gawo 4: Wonjezerani kuzindikira
Tiyenera kupita ku dziko lotizungulira, kuti tizilumikizana nalo. Pamene tinkatenga masitepe oyambirira, tinalozera chidwi cha maganizo. Tsopano ndi nthawi yoti tiwone zomwe zatizungulira. Dziwani zonse zomwe mungawone, kumva, kukhudza, kulawa.
Yang'anani pozungulira. Muli kuti? Mukuchita chiyani, ndi ndani. Mukuwona chiyani, kumva, kukhudza? Tsegulani kudziko. Dzifunseni kuti, “Kodi n’chiyani chikugwirizana ndi mfundo zanga zimene ndikufuna kuchita panopa?”
Ndipo ngati pali chinachake chimene mungachite panopa, osachichedwetsa, chitani!
Ras Harris amalimbikitsa kuchita njirayi 5-10 pa tsiku, ngakhale mwachidule, mwachitsanzo, kwa masekondi 30 - mphindi imodzi. Ndipo ngati muli ndi nthawi yogwira ntchito, mutha kuthera mphindi 5-15. Pokhala ndi chidziwitso chokwanira, mudzatha kuchigwiritsa ntchito mkati mwa mkangano, mosasamala kanthu za zomwe mnzanuyo anganene.
N’zoona kuti nthawi zina mikanganoyo imakukokerani maganizo kwambiri moti sipadzakhalanso nthawi yochitira chilichonse. Koma palibe chimene chimakulepheretsani kutero mutakangana. Iyi ndi njira yabwino kwambiri kuposa kusungira chakukhosi kwanu ndikudzipatula, ndikungoyendayenda m'mutu mwanu zonse zosasangalatsa zomwe mnzanu adanena kapena kuchita.