Zamkatimu
Nkhani yolimba yokhudza kulera ana
“Chikhumbo chofuna kukhala ndi makolo olera ana chinayamba kalekale. Kutengedwa kukhala mwana kunali mbali ya mbiri ya banja langa. Agogo anga omwe ndimawakonda anali mwana wapathengo, adasiyidwa atangokwanitsa masiku atatu. Ndinakulira ku Sarcelles m’zaka za m’ma 3, mzinda womwe uli ndi anthu ochokera m’mayiko osiyanasiyana. Pamene ndinkakhala m’sunagoge, anzanga omwe ndinkasewera nawo anali ochokera ku Ashkenazi ndi Sephardic. Ana awa adatengera ukapolo komanso Shoah. Ndili ndi zaka 70, ndimakumbukira kuti ndinaona ana, makamaka ana amasiye, akubwera m’kalasi mwanga nkhondo ya Vietnam itatha. Mphunzitsiyo anatipempha kuti tiwathandize kugwirizanitsa. Nditaona ana onsewa, ndinadzilonjeza kuti ndidzakhala ndi mwana wozunzika nditakula.. Ndili ndi zaka 35, zaka zovomerezeka panthawi yomwe tingayambe ntchitoyi, ndinaganiza zopita ndekha. Chifukwa chiyani Russia? Poyamba, ndinafunsira Vietnam ndi Ethiopia, anali mayiko aŵiri okha amene anapereka kulera kamodzi, ndiye, panthaŵiyi, kunali kutsegulira kwa Russia. M’dipatimenti imene ndinkakhala, ntchito yopereka ana a ku Russia olera ana inavomerezedwa ndipo ndinalembetsa.
Pambuyo pa zochitika zambiri, pempho langa linapambana
Tsiku lina m’maŵa, ndinalandira foni yomwe ndinaiyembekezera kwanthaŵi yaitali, tsiku lomwelo amayi anga anali kuchitidwa opaleshoni ya khansa yawo ya m’mawere. Mtsikana wina wazaka 6 ndi theka anali kundiyembekezera m’nyumba ya ana amasiye ku St. Patapita miyezi ingapo, ndili ndi chidaliro pa ulendo umenewu, ndinafika ku Russia kuti ndikakumane ndi mwana wanga wamkazi. Nastia anali wokongola kuposa momwe ndimaganizira. Mwamanyazi pang'ono, koma pamene iye anaseka nkhope yake inawala. Ndinaganiza kuti mabala omwe adakwiriridwa kumbuyo kwamanyazi ake, masitepe ake okayikakayika komanso thupi lake lofooka. Kuti ndikhale mayi wa kamtsikana kameneka chinali chikhumbo changa chachikulu, sindikanalephera. Ndili ku Russia, tinayamba kudziwana pang’onopang’ono, makamaka sindinkafuna kumuthamangira. Chipale chinayamba kusweka, Nastia, woweta mofatsa, adatuluka mu chete ndikudzilola kugonjetsedwa ndi malingaliro. Kukhalapo kwanga kunkaoneka kuti kunamukhazika mtima pansi, analibenso vuto la mantha monga mmene analili kumalo osungira ana amasiye.
Sindinaganizirepo za zomwe adakumana nazo
Ndinkadziwa kuti mwana wanga wamkazi adayamba kukhala ndi chipwirikiti: adasiyidwa ali ndi miyezi itatu kumalo osungirako ana amasiye ndipo adachira ali ndi zaka 3 ndi amayi ake omubala. Nditaŵerenga chigamulo cha kusayenerera kwa makolo kutatsala tsiku limodzi kuti tibwerere, ndinazindikira mmene nkhani yake inaliri yomvetsa chisoni. Mwana wanga wamkazi ankakhala ndi mayi hule, chidakwa ndi chiwawa, pakati pa zinyalala, mphemvu ndi makoswe. Amuna ankagona m'nyumbamo, maphwando akumwa omwe nthawi zina amatha kukhazikika pakati pa ana. Atamenyedwa komanso ali ndi njala, Nastia ankaona zinthu zonyansazi tsiku lililonse. Kodi akanadzimanganso bwanji? Patapita milungu ingapo titafika ku France, Nastia anali wachisoni kwambiri ndipo anatsekereza mpanda kukhala chete. Atadulidwa chinenero chake, anadzimva kukhala wosungulumwa, koma atatuluka m’mavuto, anali ndi vuto limodzi lokha, lopita kusukulu. Koma ine, wokhumudwitsidwa, popanda kukhalapo kwa mwana wanga, ndinayesera kudzaza masiku anga oleredwa mopanda phindu.
Kubwerera kusukulu kunamupangitsa kuti abwerere
Nastia anali ndi chidwi chofuna kudziwa zambiri, anali ndi ludzu lofuna kudziwa chifukwa anali atamvetsetsa kale kwambiri kuti inali njira yokhayo yoti achoke m'mavuto ake. Koma kupita kusukulu kunapangitsa kuti ayambe kusokonezeka: anayamba kukwawa ndi miyendo inayi, amayenera kudyetsedwa, sanalankhulenso. Anafunikira kukumbukira mbali ya ubwana wake yomwe anali asanakhaleko. Dokotala wa ana anandiuza kuti kuthetsa vutoli ndikhoza kuyesa njira ya thupi. Anandilangiza kuti ndikasambe limodzi ndi mwana wanga wamkazi kuti ndimulole kuti alowetsenso zonse zomwe sizinalengedwe chifukwa sindinamubereke. Ndipo zinathandiza! Nditasambira pang'ono, adakhudza thupi langa ndipo zidamuthandiza kuti ayambenso kudzidalira, kuti amupeze zaka 7.
Mwana wanga wamkazi anali wokondana kwambiri ndi ine, nthawi zonse amandifunafuna, ngakhale kwa iye kunali lingaliro losamveka. Poyamba, kulumikizana kwakuthupi kunali kwachiwawa: samadziwa kukhala wachifundo. Panali nthawi yonse yomwe ankandipempha kuti ndimumenye. Zopempha zake zolimbikira zomwe ndimaziopa zinandikhumudwitsa. Ndi chinthu chokhacho chimene chinamulimbitsa mtima chifukwa ndi njira yokhayo yolankhulirana yomwe ankadziwa ku Russia. Tsoka ilo, kulimbirana mphamvu kwakhazikitsidwa. Ndinayenera kukhala wolimba pamene sindinkafuna. Mukatengera mwana yemwe ali ndi udindo, muyenera kuthana ndi zomwe zachitika kale. Ndinali wodzaza ndi chifuniro chabwino, ndinkafuna kutsagana naye m'moyo wake watsopano ndi chikondi, kumvetsetsa ndi kukoma mtima, koma Nastia adakoka naye maloto ake owopsa, mizimu yake ndi chiwawa chomwe iye anali mwana. Zinatenga zaka ziwiri kuti maubwenzi athu akhazikike ndipo chikondi chathu kwa wina ndi mnzake pomaliza pake chidawonekera.
Ndinadzitengera ndekha kuti ndisatayike
Mwana wanga wamkazi atayamba kuyika mawu ku zowawa zake kuti adzipulumutse ku mantha omwe amamuvutitsa, zomwe adandiwululira zinali zosayerekezeka. Mayi ake omubeleka, amene anali chigawenga, anamuipitsa mpaka kalekale pobaya munthu pamaso pake n’kumuchititsa kuti achite zimenezi. Iye sanadzimvere chisoni, m'malo mwake, popanda kutengeka maganizo, iye ankafuna kuti adzipulumutse yekha ku zakale zowopsya izi. Ndinakhumudwa ndi mavumbulutso ake. Munthawi imeneyi, muyenera kukhala ndi chifundo komanso malingaliro kuti mupeze mayankho. Popanda mikono kapena tsankho, ndinayesetsa kutulutsa ziwanda zake. Ndayika njira yonse yophunzirira pafupi ndi chilengedwe ndi zinyama kuti apeze ubwana ndi wosalakwa. Pakhala zipambano zotsimikizirika ndi zina zosakhalitsa. Koma zakale sizifa. “
*“Kodi ukufuna mayi watsopano? - Mayi-mwana wamkazi, nkhani ya kulera ", Editions La Boîte à Pandore.