Chikondi chimakhala ndi gawo lalikulu pa moyo wathu. Ndipo aliyense wa ife timalota kupeza zomwe tikufuna. Koma kodi chikondi changwiro chilipo? Katswiri wa zamaganizo Robert Sternberg amakhulupirira kuti inde ndi kuti zili ndi zigawo zitatu: ubwenzi, chilakolako, ubwenzi. Ndi chiphunzitso chake, akufotokoza momwe angapezere ubale wabwino.
Sayansi imayesa kufotokoza chiyambi cha chikondi mwa kusintha kwa ubongo. Patsamba la webusayiti ya American anthropologist Helen Fisher (helenfisher.com), mutha kudziwa zotsatira za kafukufuku wokhudza chikondi chachikondi pamalingaliro a biochemistry, physiology, neuroscience ndi chiphunzitso cha chisinthiko. Chifukwa chake, zimadziwika kuti kugwa m'chikondi kumachepetsa kuchuluka kwa serotonin, komwe kumabweretsa kumverera kwa "chilakolako chachikondi", ndikuwonjezera kuchuluka kwa cortisol (hormone yopsinjika), yomwe imatipangitsa kukhala oda nkhawa komanso okondwa nthawi zonse.
Koma kodi chidaliro mwa ife chimachokera kuti kuti malingaliro omwe timakhala nawo ndi chikondi? Izi sizikudziwikabe kwa asayansi.
Anangumi atatu
“Chikondi chimachita mbali yaikulu m’miyoyo yathu mwakuti kusachiphunzira kuli ngati kusazindikira zoonekeratu,” akutsindika motero Robert Sternberg, katswiri wa zamaganizo wa pa yunivesite ya Yale (USA).
Iye mwiniyo adaphunzira za maubwenzi achikondi ndipo, pogwiritsa ntchito kafukufuku wake, adapanga chiphunzitso cha triangular (zigawo zitatu) za chikondi. Mfundo ya Robert Sternberg imafotokoza mmene timakondera komanso mmene ena amatikondera. Katswiri wa zamaganizo amatchula zigawo zitatu zazikulu za chikondi: ubwenzi, chilakolako ndi chikondi.
Ubwenzi umatanthawuza kumvetsetsana, kukhudzika kumapangidwa ndi kukopeka kwa thupi, ndipo kugwirizana kumadza chifukwa chofuna kupanga ubalewo kukhala wautali.
Ngati mupenda chikondi chanu motsatira izi, mudzatha kumvetsetsa zomwe zikulepheretsa ubale wanu kukula. Kuti tikwaniritse chikondi changwiro, ndikofunikira osati kungomva, komanso kuchitapo kanthu. Mutha kunena kuti mukukumana ndi chilakolako, koma chimadziwonetsera bwanji? “Ndili ndi mnzanga amene mkazi wake akudwala. Nthawi zonse amalankhula za momwe amamukondera, koma pafupifupi sizichitika ndi iye, akutero Robert Sternberg. “Uyenera kutsimikizira chikondi chako, osati kungolankhula za izo.
Dziwani bwino
"Nthawi zambiri sitimvetsetsa momwe timakondera, akutero Robert Sternberg. Anafunsa maanja kuti afotokoze za iwo eni - ndipo nthawi zambiri amapeza kusiyana pakati pa nkhaniyo ndi zenizeni. “Mwachitsanzo, ambiri anaumirira kuti ayesetse kukhala paubwenzi, koma muubwenzi wawo anasonyeza kusiyana kotheratu. Kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino, muyenera kumvetsetsa kaye.
Nthawi zambiri okwatirana amakhala ndi chikondi chosagwirizana, ndipo sadziwa nkomwe za izi. Chifukwa chake n’chakuti tikakumana koyamba, nthaŵi zambiri timamvetsera zimene zimatibweretsa pamodzi, osati kusiyana. Pambuyo pake, banjali limakhala ndi mavuto omwe ndi ovuta kwambiri kuthetsa, ngakhale kuti ubwenzi wawo ndi wolimba.
Mtsikana wina wazaka 38, dzina lake Anastasia, anati: “Ndili wamng’ono ndinkafuna kukumana ndi mavuto. Koma zonse zinasintha nditakumana ndi mwamuna wanga wamtsogolo. Tinakambirana zambiri za mapulani athu, zomwe tonsefe timayembekezera m'moyo komanso kwa wina ndi mnzake. Chikondi chakhala chenicheni kwa ine, osati zongopeka zachikondi.”
Ngati titha kukondana ndi mutu ndi mtima wonse, tidzakhala ndi ubale wokhalitsa. Tikamvetsetsa bwino zomwe chikondi chathu chimakhala, izi zimatipatsa mwayi womvetsetsa zomwe zimatigwirizanitsa ndi munthu wina, ndikupanga mgwirizanowu kukhala wolimba komanso wozama.
Chitani, osayankhula
Anthu okwatirana ayenera kukambirana za ubale wawo nthawi ndi nthawi kuti azindikire mavuto mwachangu. Tinene kamodzi pamwezi kukambirana nkhani zofunika. Izi zimapereka mwayi kwa okondedwa kuti ayandikire, kuti ubale ukhale wotheka. “Okwatirana amene amakhala ndi misonkhano yotere nthaŵi zonse amakhala opanda vuto, chifukwa amathetsa mwamsanga mavuto onse. Anaphunzira kukonda ndi mitu ndi mitima yawo.”
Pamene Oleg wazaka 42 ndi Karina wazaka 37 anakumana, ubwenzi wawo unadzala ndi chilakolako. Anakhala ndi chikoka champhamvu chakuthupi kwa wina ndi mzake choncho ankadziona ngati mizimu yapachibale. Mfundo yakuti amaona kupitiriza kwa ubalewo m’njira zosiyanasiyana inawadabwitsa. Iwo anapita kutchuthi kuzilumba, kumene Oleg akufuna Karina. Anamutenga ngati chiwonetsero chapamwamba kwambiri cha chikondi - ndi zomwe amalota. Koma kwa Oleg kunali kungosonyeza chikondi. "Sanaone ukwati ngati chiwonetsero cha chikondi chenicheni, tsopano Karina akudziwa bwino izi. - Titabwerera kunyumba, funso la ukwati silinabwere. Oleg adangochitapo kanthu mwachangu. ”
Oleg ndi Karina anayesa kuthetsa mikangano yawo mothandizidwa ndi dokotala wosamalira mabanja. Karina anati: “Sizimene umafuna kuchita ukakhala pachibwenzi. Koma pa tsiku la ukwati wathu, tinadziwa kuti taganizira mofatsa mawu onse amene tanena. Ubale wathu udakali wodzaza ndi chilakolako. Ndipo tsopano ndikudziwa kuti ndi nthawi yayitali. "