Sitinagwirizane pa otchulidwa: momwe tingathetsere mikangano

M'banja lililonse kapena gulu, pali mikangano ya otchulidwa. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Stephanie Gentile nthawi zambiri amamva za mikangano yotere kuchokera kwa makasitomala. Kaya amadziwa mfundo za introversion ndi extraversion, kapena Myers-Briggs umunthu mitundu, anthu amadziwa bwino pamene ena sakwaniritsa zosowa zawo.

Zimenezi zingayambitse kukhumudwa ndi kusagwirizana. Koma kugwirizana ndi ena n’kofunika kwambiri kuti tikhale ndi moyo wabwino, ngakhale titakhala osalankhula. Stephanie Gentile amalankhula ndi anthu ambiri amene amakhulupirira kuti ubwenzi wawo sungathe kubwezeretsedwa. Makamaka, oyambitsa nthawi zambiri amamva ngati zosowa zawo sizikukwaniritsidwa ndipo mawu awo sakumveka.

Wochiritsayo amatchula banja lake monga chitsanzo, momwe iye, mlongo wake, ndi makolo ake ali amitundu yosiyana kotheratu. “M’chenicheni, chimene chimatigwirizanitsa ndicho chikondi cha kukhala patokha. Apo ayi, njira zathu za moyo zimakhala zosiyana kwambiri, ndipo mikangano imakhala yosapeŵeka. Mutha kulingalira za mikangano ndi zokhumudwitsa zomwe zayambitsa kusiyana kwathu kwazaka zambiri. "

Maubale ndi anthu ndi ovuta, mwa iwo muyenera kukhala nokha ndipo nthawi yomweyo kukula ... kwa wina ndi mzake. Pogwiritsa ntchito zitsanzo za zomwe adakumana nazo, Stephanie akupereka njira zisanu ndi imodzi kwa makasitomala omwe amawadziwa kuti athetse mikangano pakati pa anthu.

1. Dziwani zomwe mukufuna muubwenzi

Nthawi zina timadzifunsa kuti: “Tiyambira pati?” Choyamba, m'pofunika kudziwa zimene tiyenera mu ubale. Imeneyi ingakhale ntchito yovuta chifukwa ambiri a ife taphunzitsidwa kukwaniritsa zosoŵa za ena pamene tikunyalanyaza zathu. Koma ngati sitimva zosowa zathu, kugwirizana kwathu ndi anthu ena kudzakhala kochepa kapena ayi.

M'mbuyomu, ndidalimbana ndi izi ndekha, ndikudzipatula kwa okondedwa, ndikukhulupirira kuti samandimvetsa. Inali nthawi yowawa kwambiri pamoyo wanga. Ndipo, ngakhale tikadali ndi nthawi zosamvetsetsana, tsopano ndikudziwa bwino zomwe ndikufunikira muubwenzi.

Kuzindikira zosowa zanga kumandilola kuti ndizilankhulana mosavuta ndi anzanga, anzanga kapena okondedwa omwe sagawana zomwe ndimakonda. Sindingathe kutsimikizira kuti wina akwaniritsa zosowa zanga, koma tsopano ndikumvetsa zifukwa za mkangano wa chidwi.

2. Funsani mafunso

Masitepe omwe atchulidwa pano angawoneke ngati ophweka, koma nthawi zina amakhala ovuta kwa ambiri a ife «anthu chete» paokha. Ine, monga munthu amene amapewa mikangano, komabe ndinaphunzira kufunsa mafunso, ngakhale izi zingakhale zovuta. Mwa kufunsa mafunso, timathandiza ifeyo ndi wokondedwayo kuthetsa vuto limene linayambitsa mkangano ndi malingaliro opatukana.

Kuwonjezera pamenepo, zimatithandiza tonsefe kuti tizisonyezana mmene tilili. Mwachitsanzo, mnzathu amanena mosapita m’mbali kuti timafunika kukhala patokha. Timamva kuti sitikumvetsetsa komanso kukwiya - poyankha timakhumudwa, ndipo izi zingayambitse mikangano.

M’malomwake, mungafunse funso lakuti: “Kodi mumamva bwanji nditasonyeza kuti ndikufunika kukhala ndekha?” Choncho timasamalira maganizo a mnzathu, osaiwala zosowa zathu. Izi zimalimbikitsa kumvetsetsana ndikupereka mwayi wokambirana momwe onse angapezere mgwirizano wabwino.

3. Funsani mayankho

Mchitidwe wayamba m'gulu la anthu: wina amadzitcha yekha ndi umunthu wake ndipo amayembekezera kuti ena amsangalatse. Koma polankhulana ndi ena, m’pofunika kukumbukira kuti m’lingaliro lina, «umunthu» ndi mawu akuti, dzina la luso limene tinaphunzira mu ubwana kukwaniritsa zosowa zathu.

Tikamafunsa ena kuti atiyankhe, timawapempha kuti atiuze mmene amationera. Zitha kukhala zovuta komanso zowawa, kotero ndikofunikira kukumbukira kudzisamalira nokha mukamachita izi. Mwachitsanzo, mungafunse kuti, “Ndikufuna kumvetsa tanthauzo la kukhala bwenzi/mwamuna/mnzanga. Kodi mumamva bwanji pondizungulira? Kodi mukumva chikondi changa, chisamaliro, kulandiridwa kwanga?

Ndikofunika kutsindika kuti ndemanga ziyenera kufunidwa kuchokera kwa okondedwa odalirika okha. Ndipo kuntchito, kuchokera kwa mnzako kapena woyang'anira yemwe anatisonyeza chikondi ndi chifundo. Zimene amanena zimakhala zovuta kumva. Koma kwa ife, uwu ndi mwayi waukulu kumvetsetsa momwe timakhalira ndi dziko lapansi ndikuthetsa mikangano.

4. Dziwani kuti ndi makhalidwe ati amene amakutetezani

Ndi bwino kudzifunsa kuti tili ndi umunthu wotani, kudziwa zimene timachita bwino. M’malo monena kuti, “Ndili chonchi, n’chifukwa chake sindingathe…sindingathe kupirira…” ndi zina zotero, tingathe kuyeseza mawu monga akuti, “Ndimakonda kuchita zinthu zomwe zimandipangitsa kumva kuti ndine wofunika, wofunika, wofunika, kapena woteteza.” kumva kukhala pachiwopsezo, manyazi. Izi ndizofunikira chifukwa zidzakuthandizani kuzindikira ndikumvetsetsa zomwe zimachitika mkati mwa mikangano ndi anthu ena.

5. Vomerezani mfundo yakuti simungasinthe ena.

Aliyense, ndithudi, anamva kuti anthu sasintha. Monga munthu amene wakhala akuyesera kusintha ndi kupulumutsa ena kwa zaka makumi awiri, nditha kutsimikizira kuti izi ndi zoona. Kuyesera kuchita izi kudzakupangitsani kukhala ndi chisokonezo chamkati. Kungakhale kothandiza kukumbukira nthaŵi pamene, monga ana, tinalingalira kuti makolo athu anali kuyesa kutikakamiza kuchita chifaniziro chimene iwo anapanga. Kapena pamene mnzathu sakanatha kugwirizana ndi khalidwe lathu kapena zikhulupiriro zathu.

Tinamva bwanji pamenepo? Kukumbukira koteroko kudzatithandiza kuvomereza ena monga momwe alili. Mukhozanso kudzichitira chifundo. Dzikumbutseni momwe zimakhalira zovuta kupanga kusintha kokhazikika m'moyo wanu. Choncho tidzayamba kumvetsa zolakwa za ena. Sizichitika mwadzidzidzi, koma mchitidwe umenewu ukhoza kuchititsa kuti anthu ambiri avomerezedwe.

6. Khalani ndi malire abwino

Pali zokamba zambiri za malire, koma osati momwe angayikire. Chifukwa chiyani malire abwino ndi ofunika kwambiri? Amakulolani kuti muzimvera ena chifundo. Mwa kusunga malire athu, timasankha, mwachitsanzo, kusachita nawo zokambirana zapoizoni kapena maubwenzi osayenera. Zimenezi n’zogwirizana kwambiri ndi kufunitsitsa kwathu kuvomereza ena mmene iwo alili, osati mmene timafunira.

Izi zidzakuthandizani kukhazikitsa malire abwino. Stephanie Gentile akugogomezera kuti malingalirowa sanaperekedwe ngati njira yapadziko lonse yothetsera mikangano yapakati pa anthu. Mwachitsanzo, pali maubwenzi osayenera omwe muyenera kuchoka. Ngati malire ndi wokondedwa wanu aikidwa koma akuphwanyidwa nthawi zonse, ingakhale nthawi yowadziwitsa kuti chibwenzi sichitheka.

“Masitepe ameneŵa ndi chotulukapo cha chokumana nacho changa,” akulemba motero Amitundu. — Mpaka pano, nthaŵi zina ndimakhumudwa polankhula ndi okondedwa. Koma kumvetsa kusiyana kwa umunthu wathu kumandipatsa mpumulo. Tsopano ndikudziwa chifukwa chake amandichitira mwanjira inayake, ndipo sindimangokhalira kukangana pakakhala mikangano.”

Iyi ndi ntchito yovuta, yomwe poyamba ingawoneke ngati yopanda ntchito. Koma pamapeto pake, ndi mphatso yanu. Aliyense wa ife amayenera kukhala ndi chiyanjano chenicheni, chozama ndi ena, komanso kukhala ndi zosowa zathu zomwe zimakwaniritsa. Kudzimvetsetsa tokha komanso chikhalidwe chathu kungathandize kupanga maubale omwe timafunikira.