Zamkatimu
Kodi ndi mfundo yotani yonyenga munthu amene mumamupereka potengera chisamaliro chake ndi thandizo lake? Ndizotsutsana kwathunthu, chabwino? Komabe, malinga ndi kafukufuku wina waukulu wofalitsidwa mu Counseling Psychology Quarterly, 93% ya makasitomala amavomereza kunama kwa wothandizira wawo panthawi ina. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Susan Kolod akufotokoza zifukwa za khalidwe losamveka ngati limeneli.
1. Manyazi ndi kuopa chiweruzo
Ichi ndiye chifukwa chofala kwambiri chomwe makasitomala amanama kwa sing'anga. Mwa njira, nthawi zambiri timanamiza okondedwa athu pazifukwa zomwezo - chifukwa chamanyazi komanso kuopa kutsutsidwa. Kuchita chinyengo kungaphatikizepo kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kuchita chiwerewere kapena chibwenzi, ndi makhalidwe ena amene munthuyo akuona kuti ndi olakwika. Nthawi zina amatanthauza malingaliro achilendo ndi zongopeka zomwe ali nazo.
Maria, wazaka 35, nthawi zambiri ankakopeka ndi amuna omwe sankapezekapo. Anakhala ndi zokumana nazo zingapo zosangalatsa ndi abwenzi oterowo, zomwe sizinapangitse ubale weniweni ndikusiya malingaliro okhumudwa komanso okhumudwa. Maria atayamba chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wina wokwatira, sing’angayo anafotokoza nkhawa zake, koma Maria anaona kuti anadzudzula. Mosazindikira n’komwe zimene anali kuchita, anasiya kulankhula za misonkhano yake ndi munthu ameneyu kwa sing’anga. Potsirizira pake, zosiyidwa zinawonekera, ndipo Maria ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo adatha kuthetsa vutoli.
2. Kusakhulupirira kapena ubale wovuta ndi dokotala
Kugwira ntchito ndi psychotherapist kumadzutsa malingaliro opweteka kwambiri ndi kukumbukira. Zingakhale zovuta kulankhula za iwo kwa aliyense. Monga mukudziwira, imodzi mwamalamulo ofunikira azachipatala ndi "kunena chilichonse chomwe chimabwera m'maganizo." Koma zoona zake n’zakuti, izi n’zovuta kwambiri kuchita kuposa mmene zikuonekera, makamaka ngati kusakhulupirika kukuchitikirani ndipo n’kovuta kukhulupirira anthu.
Chikhulupiliro chiyenera kukhazikitsidwa pakati pa inu ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo mutangoyamba kumene. Muyenera kumverera kuti katswiriyo amakulemekezani ndipo ali wokonzeka kutsutsidwa. Nthawi zambiri ubale wochiritsira umakhala wokhudzidwa kwambiri. Mutha kuzindikira kuti mumakonda kapena kudana ndi wothandizira wanu. Malingaliro amphamvuwa ndi ovuta kufotokoza mwachindunji.
Ngati muwona kuti sikophweka kuti mutsegule, kuti simukudalira munthu uyu, funsani nkhaniyi pakukambirana kwanu kwina! Patapita nthawi, koma maganizo anapitirirabe? Ndiye kungakhale koyenera kuyang'ana katswiri watsopano. Chifukwa chenicheni cha mavuto anu ndi chinsinsi cha yankho lawo chidzawululidwa pokhapokha mu ubale wodalirika ndi wothandizira.
3. Dzinamizeni nokha
Nthawi zambiri kasitomala amafuna kunena zoona, koma sangavomereze chowonadi chokhudza iye kapena munthu wina wapafupi naye. Tonse timabwera ku chithandizo ndi lingaliro lokonzekera tokha. Pogwira ntchito, chithunzichi chimasintha, timayamba kuona zinthu zatsopano zomwe sitingafune kuziwona.
April analandira chithandizo chifukwa anali atavutika maganizo kwa miyezi yambiri ndipo sankadziwa chifukwa chake. Posakhalitsa adagawana ndi wochiritsayo zambiri za ubale ndi mwamuna wake. Anadandaula kuti amachoka madzulo aliwonse, akumabwerera kunyumba mochedwa komanso popanda chifukwa chilichonse.
Tsiku lina, April anapeza kondomu yogwiritsidwa ntchito m’chinyalala. Atauza mwamuna wake za nkhaniyi, iye adayankha kuti adaganiza zoyesa kondomu kuchokera kwa wopanga wina kuti awone ngati ingakwane. April anavomereza zimenezi mosakayikira. Iye anauza dokotalayo kuti anali ndi chidaliro chonse mwa mwamuna wake. Ataona kukayikira kwa katswiriyo, adafulumira kumutsimikiziranso kuti sanakayikire mwamuna wake kwa mphindi imodzi. Zinali zoonekeratu kwa dokotalayo kuti mwamuna wa April anali kumunyengerera, koma iye sanali wokonzeka kuvomereza zimenezo—m’mawu ena, April anali kudzinamiza.
4. Kulephera kuyanjanitsa mfundo ndi kupanga kugwirizana
Odwala ena sangakhale oona mtima kotheratu, osati chifukwa chakuti akufuna kubisa chinachake, koma chifukwa chakuti sanavutikepo ndi zowawa zakale ndipo sawona mmene zimakhudzira moyo wawo. Ndimatcha kulephera kuyika mfundo pamodzi.
Misha, mwachitsanzo, sakanatha kulowa muubwenzi: sanakhulupirire aliyense, anali tcheru nthawi zonse. Iye sanavomereze kwa psychotherapist kuti amayi ake adadwala uchidakwa, anali osadalirika komanso osapezeka m'maganizo. Koma adazibisa popanda cholinga chilichonse: sanawone kugwirizana kulikonse pakati pa zochitikazi.
Ili si bodza, koma kulephera kulumikiza zowona ndikumaliza chithunzicho. Misha amadziwa kuti n'zovuta kuti akhulupirire aliyense, komanso amadziwa kuti amayi ake adadwala uchidakwa, koma amalekanitsa mikhalidwe imeneyi mosamala.
Kodi mankhwala angagwire ntchito ngati mukunama?
Kunena zoona si kaŵirikaŵiri zakuda ndi zoyera. Nthawi zonse pamakhala zinthu m'moyo zomwe timachoka, mwakufuna kapena mosasamala. Pali zochitika ndi zochitika zomwe zimabweretsa manyazi, manyazi, kapena nkhawa zomwe sitingathe kuvomereza tokha, osasiyapo adokotala.
Ngati muzindikira kuti pali zinthu zina zomwe simunakonzekere kukambirana, ndi bwino kuuza katswiri za izi. Pamodzi mutha kuyesa kumvetsetsa chifukwa chake zimapweteka kapena zimakuvutani kuyankhula za izo. Panthawi ina, mudzapeza kuti mukutha kugawana nawo zambiri.
Koma mavuto ena amatenga nthawi. Mwachitsanzo, m’nkhani ya April, chowonadi chinawonekera pambuyo pa zaka zingapo zakugwira ntchito ndi dokotala.
Ngati muwona kuti mukubisala kapena kunama kwambiri, auzeni katswiri wa zamaganizo za izo. Nthawi zambiri mchitidwe womwewo wobweretsa nkhaniyo umathandiza kumveketsa bwino ndikuchotsa zopinga zomwe zimalepheretsa kutseguka.
Chitsime: psychologytoday.com