Zamkatimu
Kukhala mayi wabwino kungakhale kotheka mukakhala ndi mayi wapoizoni inunso
Mayi anga anandibala. ndi mphatso yokhayo yomwe adandipatsa koma ndine wolimbikira ! Kwa ine, iye sali mayi, chifukwa anandilera popanda chizindikiro chilichonse chosonyeza chikondi kapena chifundo. Ndinazengereza kwa nthawi yayitali kuti ndikhale ndi mwana, chifukwa cha amayi omwe ndinali nawo, ndinkaganiza kuti ndinalibe nzeru za amayi poyerekeza ndi amayi ena. Pamene mimba yanga ikupita patsogolo, ndinali ndi nkhawa kwambiri. Kukumbatirana, kumpsompsona, zoyimbira, khungu ndi khungu, mtima wodzazidwa ndi chikondi, ndinapeza chisangalalo ichi ndi Paloma, mwana wanga wamkazi, ndipo ndizodabwitsa. Ndimadandaula kwambiri kuti sindinalandire chikondi cha amayi ndili mwana, koma ndikukwaniritsa. “Élodie ndi mmodzi mwa amayi achichepere amene sanakhale ndi mwayi wokhala ndi amayi osamala,” mayi wabwino mokwanira, malinga ndi kunena kwa dokotala wa ana Winnicott amene, mwadzidzidzi, amadabwa ngati angapambane kukhala abwino. amayi. Monga momwe katswiri wa zamaganizo Liliane Daligan * akulongosolera: “Mayi angalephere pamiyeso ingapo. Angakhale wopsinjika maganizo ndipo sangaukitse mwana wake nkomwe. Zitha kukhala zankhanza komanso / kapena zamatsenga. Pankhaniyi, mwanayo amanyozetsedwa, kunyozedwa ndi kunyozedwa mwadongosolo. Iye akhoza kukhala wopanda chidwi. Mwanayo salandira umboni uliwonse wachifundo, choncho timalankhula za mwana wa "bonsai" yemwe ali ndi vuto la kukula ndipo amasonkhanitsa kuchedwa kwa chitukuko. Sizophweka kudzipanga kukhala mayi wokwaniritsira komanso udindo wanu ngati mayi pamene mulibe chitsanzo chabwino cha mayi kuti muzindikire ndi kumutchula.
Khalani mayi wangwiro amene tinalibe
Nkhawa imeneyi, kuopa kulephera kuchitapo kanthu, sikumadziwonekeratu musanasankhe kukhala ndi pakati kapena pa nthawi yapakati. Monga momwe katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi psychoanalyst Brigitte Allain-Dupré ** akutsindika: " Pamene mkazi akugwira ntchito ya banja, amatetezedwa ndi mtundu wa amnesia, amaiwala kuti anali ndi ubale woipa ndi amayi ake, maso ake amayang'ana kwambiri zam'tsogolo kusiyana ndi zakale. Mbiri yake yovuta yokhala ndi mayi wolumala imatha kuwonekeranso khanda likakhalapo. Izi n’zimene zinachitikira Élodie, mayi ake a Anselme, miyezi 10.” Mosakayikira ndinaona kuti Anselme anali ndi vuto. Ndinali kudziika pansi pa chitsenderezo chosatheka, chifukwa nthaŵi zonse ndimadziuza ndekha kuti ndidzakhala mayi wosaneneka amene ndinalibe! Mayi anga ankakonda kupita kuphwando ndipo nthawi zambiri ankatisiya tokha, ine ndi mng’ono wanga. Ndinavutika kwambiri ndipo ndinkafuna kuti chilichonse chikhale changwiro kwa wokondedwa wanga. Koma Anselm analira kwambiri, sanadye, sanagone bwino. Ndinkamva ngati ndili pansi pa chilichonse! Azimayi omwe ali ndi amayi omwe ali ndi vuto la amayi nthawi zambiri amasankha mwachidwi kapena mosazindikira kuti akhale mayi wabwino. Malinga ndi zimene Brigitte Allain-Dupré ananena: “Kufuna kuchita zinthu mwangwiro ndi njira yokonzetsera, kuchiritsa balalo ngati mayi. Amadziuza okha kuti chirichonse chidzakhala chodabwitsa, ndipo kubwerera ku zenizeni (usiku wopanda tulo, kutopa, kutambasula, kulira, libido ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi osati pamwamba ...) ndizopweteka. Amazindikira kuti kukhala wangwiro n’kosatheka ndipo amadziimba mlandu chifukwa chosafanana ndi chinyengo chawo. Zovuta pakuyamwitsa mkaka wa m'mawere kapena chikhumbo chovomerezeka choyamwitsa mwana wake botolo zimatanthauzidwa ngati umboni wakuti sangapeze malo awo monga mayi! Sali ndi udindo pa chisankho chawo, pamene botolo loperekedwa mosangalala liri bwino kuposa bere loperekedwa "chifukwa ndilofunika" komanso kuti ngati amayi atsimikiziridwa mowonjezereka mwa kupereka botolo, zidzakhala zovuta. zabwino kwa mwana wake wamng'ono. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Liliane Daligan akunenanso chimodzimodzi: “Akazi amene ali ndi amayi olephera kaŵirikaŵiri amadziunjikira kwambiri kuposa ena chifukwa chakuti amafuna kuchita zosiyana ndi amayi awo amene ali “wotsutsa chitsanzo”! Amadzitopetsa poyesa kukhala mayi wabwino wa mwana wabwino, amaika malire apamwamba kwambiri. Mwana wawo sakhala waukhondo mokwanira, wokondwa mokwanira, wanzeru mokwanira, amamva kuti ali ndi udindo pa chilichonse. Mwamsanga pamene mwanayo sali pamwamba, ndi tsoka, ndipo ndi vuto lawo lonse. “
Chiwopsezo cha postpartum depression
Mayi aliyense wachichepere amene ali wongoyamba kumene amakumana ndi zovuta, koma awo amene alibe chisungiko chamaganizo cha amayi amalefulidwa mofulumira kwambiri. Popeza kuti zonse si zachibwanabwana, amatsimikiza kuti analakwitsa, kuti sanapangidwe kukhala amayi. Popeza zonse sizili zabwino, zonse zimakhala zoipa, ndipo amavutika maganizo. Mayi akangothedwa nzeru, m’pofunika kuti asakhale ndi manyazi, azilankhula za mavuto ake kwa anthu amene ali naye pafupi, atate wa mwanayo kapena, ngati sangakwanitse, kwa osamalira mwanayo. PMI yomwe amadalira, kwa mzamba, dokotala wake, dokotala wa ana kapena kuchepa kwake, chifukwa kupsinjika maganizo pambuyo pobereka kungakhale ndi zotsatira zoopsa kwa mwanayo ngati sikuchiritsidwa mwamsanga. Mkazi akakhala mayi, ubale wake wovuta kwambiri ndi mayi akewo umaonekeranso, amakumbukira zinthu zonse zopanda chilungamo, nkhanza, kudzudzulidwa, kusalabadira, kuzizira ... Monga momwe Brigitte Allain-Dupré akutsindika kuti: kuzunzidwa kwa amayi kunali kogwirizana ndi nkhani yake, kuti sikunakonzedwere iwo, osati chifukwa chakuti iwo sanali abwino mokwanira kukondedwa. Amayi achichepere amazindikiranso kuti maubwenzi a amayi / ana anali osawonetsa, osagwirana mtima komanso nthawi zambiri m'mibadwo yam'mbuyomu, kuti amayi anali "ogwira ntchito", kutanthauza kuti amawadyetsa ndi kuwadyetsa. kusamala, koma kuti nthawi zina "mtima kunalibe". Ena amapezanso kuti amayi awo anali ndi vuto la postpartum depression ndipo palibe amene adaziwona, chifukwa sizinakambidwe panthawiyo. Kuika maganizo kumeneku kumatheketsa kupeputsa maunansi oipa ndi amayi ake enieniwo ndi kuvomereza kusamvanako, ndiko kunena kuti pali zabwino ndi zoipa mwa munthu aliyense, kuphatikizapo mwa iwo eni. Pamapeto pake akhoza kunena okha kuti: “ Zimandisangalatsa kukhala ndi mwana, koma mtengo wolipira sukhala woseketsa tsiku lililonse, padzakhala zabwino ndi zoipa, monga amayi onse padziko lapansi. “
Kuopa kubereka zomwe takhala tikukhala
Kuwonjezera pa kuopa kutetezedwa, vuto lina limene limavutitsa amayi ndilo kubereka ndi ana awo zomwe anavutika ndi amayi awo pamene anali ana. Mwachitsanzo, Marine anali ndi vuto pamene anabala Evariste. “Ndine mwana woleredwa. Mayi anga ondibereka anandithawa ndipo ndinali ndi mantha kwambiri kuchita zomwezo, kukhalanso mayi “wosiya”. Chimene chinandipulumutsa n’chakuti ndinazindikira kuti anandisiya, osati chifukwa chakuti ndinali wosayenerera, koma chifukwa chakuti sakanatha kutero. "Kuyambira pomwe timadzifunsa funso lachiwopsezo chobwerezanso zomwezo, ndi chizindikiro chabwino ndipo titha kukhala tcheru. Zimakhala zovuta kwambiri pamene nkhanza za amayi - kukwapula, mwachitsanzo - kapena kutukwana kwa amayi kumabwerera mosasamala kanthu za ife eni, pamene nthawi zonse timadzilonjeza tokha kuti sitidzachita monga amayi athu! Ngati zimenezi zitachitika, chinthu choyamba chimene mungachite ndicho kupepesa kwa mwana wanu kuti: “Pepani, chinachake chandithawa, sindinkafuna kukupwetekani, sindinkafuna kukuuzani zimenezo! “. Ndipo kuti izi zisadzachitikenso, ndi bwino kupita kukalankhula ndi shrink.
Liliane Daligan ananena kuti: “Mnzakeyo angakhalenso wothandiza kwambiri kwa mayi amene amaopa kuti angapite kukachita masewerawo. Ngati ali wachifundo, wachikondi, wolimbikitsa, ngati amamuyamikira pa udindo wake monga mayi, amathandiza mayi wachichepereyo kupanga chithunzi china cha iye mwini. Kenako akhoza kuvomereza mayendedwe otopa ndi “Sindingathenso kupirira! Sindingathenso kumutenga mwanayu! ” kuti amayi onse amakhala. ” Osawopa kufunsa bambo chibadwire, ndi njira kumuuza iye : “Tonse tinachita mwana ameneyu, palibe aŵiri aŵirife oti ndisamalire mwana ndipo ndimadalira inu kuti mundichirikize pa ntchito yanga monga mayi. Ndipo pamene adzisamalira yekha ndi mwana wake, m'pofunika kuti asakhale paliponse, kumusiya kuti asamalire mwana wake m'njira yakeyake.
Musazengereze kupempha thandizo
Kupempha thandizo kwa abambo a mwana wanu ndikwabwino, koma pali zotheka zina. Yoga, kupumula, kusinkhasinkha mwanzeru kungathandizenso amayi omwe akuvutika kuti apeze malo ake. Monga momwe Brigitte Allain-Dupré akulongosolera: “Zochita zimenezi zimatilola kumanganso mkati mwathu malo athuathu, mmene timadzimva kukhala osungika, amtendere, otetezereka ku zoopsa zaubwana, monga ngati chikwa chodekha ndi chosungika, pamene amayi ake sanatero. Amayi omwe akuda nkhawa kuti akhale chete amatha kutembenukira ku hypnosis kapena magawo angapo pakukambirana kwa amayi / ana. "Juliette, adadalira amayi ena a nazale ya makolo omwe adalembetsamo mwana wake wamkazi Dahlia: "Ndinali ndi mayi wa bipolar ndipo sindinkadziwa momwe ndingachitire ndi Dahlia. Ndinaona amayi a makanda ena m’chipinda chosungira ana anazale, tinakhala mabwenzi, tinalankhulana kwambiri ndipo ndinajambula njira zabwino zochitira zinthu zomwe zimagwirizana ndi ine mwa aliyense wa iwo. Ndinapanga msika wanga! Ndipo buku la Delphine de Vigan lakuti, “Palibe vuto lililonse ngati usiku” lonena za amayi ake omwe ali ndi vuto lochititsa munthu kusinthasintha zochitika linandithandiza kumvetsa bwino za mayi anga, matenda awo komanso kuwakhululukira. Kumvetsetsa amayi anu, ndikukhululukira zomwe adachita m'mbuyomu, ndi njira yabwino yodzipezera nokha kukhala mayi "wabwino" omwe mukufuna kukhala. Koma kodi tiyenera kuchoka kwa mayi wapoizoniyu pakali pano, kapena kuyandikira kwa iye? Liliane Daligan amalimbikitsa chenjezo: "Zimachitika kuti agogo aakazi sakhala ovulaza ngati amayi omwe anali, kuti ndi" agogo aakazi "pamene anali" mayi wosatheka "". Koma ngati mumamuopa, ngati mukuwona kuti ndi wosokoneza, wotsutsa kwambiri, wolamulira, ngakhale wachiwawa, ndi bwino kudzipatula nokha osamupatsa mwana wanu ngati simuli. "Apanso, udindo wa mnzako ndi wofunikira, zili kwa iye kuti achotse agogo akupha, kunena kuti: "Muli kwathu kuno, mwana wanu salinso mwana wanu, koma mayi wa mwana wathu. . Msiyeni ayikweze momwe angafune! “
* Wolemba "Nkhanza Zachikazi", ed. Albin Michel. ** Wolemba wa "Kuchiritsa amayi ake", ed. Eyrolles.