Maonekedwe, mnzanu kapena mnzanu ndi wopambana komanso wosangalala ndi moyo. Koma bwanji ngati akusunga chinsinsi chochititsa manyazi chimene inu mwachidziŵa? Nanga bwanji ngati akuzunzidwa tsiku ndi tsiku m’banja mwawo? Katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso kusamvana Christine Hammond akukamba za momwe angakhalire bwino ndi wozunzidwa ndi wankhanza wapakhomo ndi momwe angathandizire.
Elena ndi dokotala wopambana, wolemekezeka yemwe ali ndi mbiri yabwino. Odwala amamvera chisoni, amangomukonda. Koma, mosasamala kanthu za zopindula zonse, ali ndi chinsinsi chochititsa manyazi - pansi pa zovala zake amabisala mabala kumenyedwa. Atangokwatirana kumene, mwamuna wake anayamba kumumenya. Anazunzidwa ndi manyazi owopsa, ndipo sanamvetsetse momwe angachokere kwa iye, chotero anakhala naye. Mwamuna wake anali dokotala wolemekezekanso mumzindawo, ndipo palibe aliyense wakunja amene anadziŵa za kupezerera kwake mkazi wake. Iye ankaopa kuti ngati anganene zimenezi, palibe amene angamukhulupirire.
Alexander nthawi zambiri ankakhala kuntchito kuti asabwerenso kunyumba. Iye ankadziwa kale kuti ngati atagona mochedwa, mkazi wakeyo aledzera n’kugona, ndipo akanatha kupeŵa nkhani ina yauchidakwa, yomwe mwina idzatha. Kuti mwanjira ina afotokoze mikwingwirima pa thupi lake, iye anayamba kuchita masewera a karati - tsopano akhoza kunena kuti iye anagunda mu maphunziro. Iye anaganiza zothetsa banja, koma mkazi wake anam’sokoneza, n’kuopseza kuti adzipha.
Palibe Elena kapena Alexander omwe amachitiridwa nkhanza zapakhomo. Ndi chifukwa chake vutoli lapeza kuchuluka kotereku masiku athu ano. Ŵandu ŵajinji akusasangalala mnope soni akusaganisya kuti akusaŵa ŵakusangalala mnope. Nthawi zambiri amakhulupilira kuti machitidwe a mnzawo asintha kukhala abwino pakapita nthawi - ingodikirani. Kotero iwo amadikira - kwa miyezi, kwa zaka. Chinthu chovuta kwambiri kwa iwo ndi kusungulumwa - palibe amene amamvetsetsa ndi kuwathandiza. M’malo mwake, iwo kaŵirikaŵiri amatsutsidwa ndi kunyozedwa, zimene zimalimbitsa malingaliro odzipatula.
Ngati wina mdera lanu akukumana ndi nkhanza zapakhomo, nazi momwe mungathandizire:
1. Khalani olumikizidwa
Ambiri aife sitikonda kuyimba foni ikadutsa 10pm. Tsoka ilo, nkhanza za m’banja sizimatsatira ndandanda yabwino kwa ife. Ngati wozunzidwayo akudziwa kuti nthawi zonse funsani inu - maola 24 pa tsiku, masiku 7 pa sabata - inu kukhala ngati «moyo» kwa iye.
2. Khalani maso
Anthu ambiri amene amazunzidwa amakhala muufunga. Nthawi zonse "amayiwala" za milandu yachiwawa ndi nkhanza ndikukumbukira zabwino zokhazokha za chiyanjano. Ichi ndi chitetezo chachilengedwe cha psyche. Bwenzi lokhulupirika lidzakuthandizani kukumbukira zomwe zinachitikadi, koma nthawi yomweyo sangakukumbutseni za wozunzidwayo nthawi zambiri, kuti musamuzunze kwambiri.
3. Osaweruza
Ngakhale anthu anzeru kwambiri, aluso, okongola, komanso okonda kuchita zinthu akhoza kugwera mumsampha wa maubwenzi osokonekera. Ichi si chizindikiro cha kufooka. Olamulira ankhanza apakhomo nthawi zambiri amachita mwachibwanabwana, kusinthanitsa chiwawa ndi chichirikizo ndi chitamando, zomwe zimasokoneza kwambiri wozunzidwayo.
4. Osafunsa chifukwa chake
Pamene wozunzidwayo "amizidwa" mu chiyanjano chosagwira ntchito, ino si nthawi yoganizira ndikuyang'ana zifukwa zomwe zinachitika. Ayenera kuganizira kwambiri za kupeza njira yothetsera vutoli.
5. Gwirizanani momwe mungathere
Chinthu chomaliza chimene munthu wochitiridwa nkhanza zapakhomo amafunikira ndicho kukangana kosafunikira ndi kukambitsirana kunja kwa banja. Zoonadi, simuyenera kuvomereza chiwawa chobwezera ndi nkhanza, koma muzinthu zonse ndi bwino kuvomerezana ndi munthu amene amafuna chithandizo chanu nthawi zambiri momwe mungathere. Izi zidzamupatsa lingaliro la kukhazikika pang'ono.
6. Kuthandizidwa mobisa kuchokera kwa okondedwa
Mwachitsanzo, perekani kuti mutsegule akaunti yakubanki yolumikizana kuti wozunzidwayo asadalire mnzakeyo pazachuma (anthu ambiri amawopa kuchoka pazifukwa zomwezi). Kapena thandizani kupeza katswiri wazamisala.
7. Khalani ndi chidaliro
Olamulira ankhanza apakhomo kwenikweni "amawononga" ozunzidwa, ndipo tsiku lotsatira amawasambitsa ndi kuyamika, koma posakhalitsa nkhanza (zakuthupi kapena zamaganizo) zimabwerezedwa kachiwiri. Njira imeneyi imasokoneza kwambiri wozunzidwayo, yemwe samvetsanso zomwe zikuchitika. Njira yabwino yothetsera vutoli ndiyo kulimbikitsa wozunzidwa nthawi zonse, kuyesera kubwezeretsa chidaliro chake.
8. Khazikani mtima pansi
Nthaŵi zambiri ozunzidwawo amasiya wowazunzawo, koma posakhalitsa amabwereranso, amachokanso, ndipo izi zimabwerezedwa kangapo. Pa nthawi ngati zimenezi, n’kofunika kwambiri kukhala woleza mtima pamene mukusonyeza chikondi ndi thandizo lopanda malire.
9. Pangani dongosolo lachinsinsi
Ndi bwino kuthandiza munthu amene wachitiridwa nkhanza za m’banja kuti apeze njira yothetsera vutoli. Pankhani ya "kuthawa mwadzidzidzi", konzani thumba la mnzanu kapena wokondedwa wanu ndi zovala ndi zofunikira. Muthandizeni kusankha pasadakhale malo otetezeka okhalamo kwa nthawi yoyamba.
10. Khalani okonzeka kumvera
Ozunzidwa kaŵirikaŵiri amadzimva kukhala osungulumwa, akuwopa kuweruzidwa ndi ena. Amamva ngati mbalame mu khola - powonekera, palibe njira yobisala kapena kuthawa. Inde, zingakhale zovuta kuwamvetsera popanda kuweruza, koma n’zimene amafunikira kwambiri.
11. Dziwani lamulo
Dziwani nthawi yoti mupereke madandaulo kwa aboma. Uzani izi kwa munthu amene wachitiridwa nkhanza m’banja.
12. Perekani pogona
Ndikofunika kupeza malo omwe wozunzayo sangapeze wozunzidwayo. Angathaŵire kwa achibale kapena mabwenzi akutali, m’malo obisalamo opulumuka chiwawa, m’hotela kapena m’nyumba yalendi.
13. Thandizani kuthawa
Ngati wozunzidwayo asankha kuthawa wankhanza wapakhomo, sadzafunikira ndalama zokha, komanso chithandizo chamakhalidwe abwino. Kaŵirikaŵiri ozunzidwa amabwerera kwa owazunza kokha chifukwa chakuti alibe wina woti angawathandize.
Tsoka ilo, anthu omwe amachitiridwa nkhanza zapakhomo nthawi zambiri amazunzidwa kwa zaka zingapo asanachoke. Mothandizidwa ndi abwenzi enieni ndi psychotherapist, Elena ndi Alexander adatha kuthetsa ubale wosokonekera ndikubwezeretsa thanzi lawo lamalingaliro. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, miyoyo yawo inawongokera kotheratu, ndipo onse anadzipeza kukhala mabwenzi atsopano, okondana.
Za Wolemba: Kristin Hammond ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo, katswiri wothetsa mikangano, komanso wolemba The Exhausted Woman's Handbook, Xulon Press, 2014.