5 nthano zokhuza ukwati. Kodi kupanga «ntchito» mu njira yatsopano?

1. Chikondi chokha ndi chokwanira kuti zinthu ziyende bwino.

Chilakolako cha chilakolako, ukwati wofulumira komanso chisudzulo chofananacho m'zaka zingapo. Chilichonse chimakhala chifukwa cha mkangano: ntchito, nyumba, abwenzi ...

Okwatirana kumene Lily ndi Max anali ndi nkhani yofanana ya chilakolako. Iye ndi wandalama, iye ndi woimba. Ndiwodekha komanso wodekha, amakwiya komanso amapupuluma. "Ndinaganiza: popeza timakondana, zonse ziyenda bwino, zonse zikhala momwe ziyenera kukhalira!" amadandaula kwa anzake pambuyo pa chisudzulo.

“Palibenso nthano zonyenga, zopweteka ndi zowononga,” akutero katswiri wa ukwati Anna-Maria Bernardini. “Chikondi chokha sichikwanira kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi aziyenda. Chikondi ndicho chisonkhezero choyamba, koma bwato liyenera kukhala lamphamvu, ndipo m’pofunika kumawonjezera mafuta nthaŵi zonse.”

London Metropolitan University idachita kafukufuku pakati pa maanja omwe akhala limodzi kwa zaka zambiri. Iwo amavomereza kuti chipambano cha ukwati wawo chimadalira kwambiri pa umphumphu ndi mzimu wogwirizana osati pa kukhudzika mtima.

Timaona kuti chikondi cha m’banja ndicho chinthu chofunika kwambiri kuti banja likhale losangalala, koma zimenezi n’zolakwika. Ukwati ndi mgwirizano, wakhala ukudziwika kwa zaka mazana ambiri chikondi chisanayambe kuganiziridwa kuti ndi gawo lalikulu la mgwirizanowo. Inde, chikondi chitha kupitilira ngati chikasintha kukhala mgwirizano wopambana wotengera zomwe amagawana komanso kulemekezana.

2. Tiyenera kuchita zonse pamodzi

Pali maanja omwe amati ali ndi "moyo umodzi kwa matupi awiri." Mwamuna ndi mkazi amachitira zonse pamodzi ndipo ngakhale mwachibwanabwana sangayerekeze kutha kwa maubwenzi. Kumbali imodzi, ichi ndi choyenera chomwe ambiri amachilakalaka. Kumbali ina, kuchotsedwa kwa mikangano, kudzichotsera wekha malo aumwini ndi malo ogona angatanthauze imfa ya chilakolako cha kugonana. Zomwe zimadyetsa chikondi sizidyetsa chilakolako.

Wafilosofi Umberto Galimberti akufotokoza kuti: “Timakonda munthu amene amatifikitsa ku mbali yakuya kwambiri ndi yobisika ya ife eni. Timakopeka ndi zomwe sitingathe kuzifikira, zomwe zimatizemba. Iyi ndi njira ya chikondi.

Wolemba buku lakuti “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” John Grey akuwonjezera lingaliro lake kuti: “Chilakolako chimayaka pamene mnzako achita chinachake popanda inu, mobisa ndipo m’malo moyandikira, zimakhala zosamvetsetseka, zosamvetsetseka.”

Chinthu chachikulu ndikusunga malo anu. Ganizirani za ubale ndi mnzanu ngati zipinda zokhala ndi zitseko zambiri zomwe zimatha kutsegulidwa kapena kutsekedwa, koma osatsekedwa.

3. Chinthu chofunika kwambiri pa banja ndi kukhulupirika

Tili m'chikondi. Timalimbikitsidwa kuti tikalowa m’banja, tidzakhala oona mtima nthawi zonse m’maganizo, m’mawu ndi m’zochita. Koma kodi zilidi choncho?

Ukwati si katemera, suteteza ku chikhumbo, suchotsa mu mphindi imodzi kukopa komwe munthu angakhale nako kwa mlendo. Kukhulupirika ndi kusankha kozindikira: timasankha kuti palibe aliyense ndipo palibe kanthu koma mnzathu, ndipo tsiku ndi tsiku tikupitiriza kusankha wokondedwa.

Maria wazaka 32 anati: “Ndinali ndi mnzanga amene ndinkamukonda kwambiri. Ndinayesanso kumunyengerera. Kenako ndinaganiza kuti: “Ukwati wanga uli ngati ndende kwa ine!” Pamenepo m’pamene ndinazindikira kuti palibe chofunika, kupatulapo unansi wathu ndi mwamuna wanga, kumkhulupirira ndi kum’chitira chifundo.”

4. Kukhala ndi ana kumalimbitsa banja

Kuchuluka kwa ubwino wa banja kumachepa pambuyo pa kubadwa kwa ana ndipo sikubwerera ku malo ake akale mpaka mwana wamkulu atachoka panyumba kuti akayambe moyo wodziimira. Amuna ena amadziwika kuti apusitsidwa atabadwa mwana wamwamuna, ndipo akazi ena amapatukana ndi amuna awo n’kumaika maganizo awo onse pa udindo wawo watsopano monga mayi. Ngati ukwati wayamba kale kutha, kukhala ndi mwana kungakhale komalizira.

John Gray akutsutsa m’buku lake kuti chisamaliro chimene ana amafuna kaŵirikaŵiri chimakhala magwero a kupsinjika maganizo ndi mikangano. Choncho, ubwenzi wa anthu okwatirana uyenera kukhala wolimba “chiyeso cha mwana” chisanawagwere. Muyenera kudziwa kuti kubwera kwa mwana kudzasintha zonse, ndipo khalani okonzeka kuvomereza vutoli.

5. Aliyense amapanga chitsanzo cha banja lake

Anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti ndi ukwati, mukhoza kuyamba zonse kuyambira pachiyambi, kusiya zakale ndikuyamba banja latsopano. Kodi makolo anu anali a hippies? Mtsikana yemwe adakulira muvuto amalenga kanyumba kake kakang'ono koma kolimba. Moyo wabanja unali wozikidwa pa kukhwimitsa zinthu ndi chilango? Tsambali likutembenuzidwa, kupereka malo ku chikondi ndi chifundo. M’moyo weniweni sizili choncho. Sikophweka kuchotsa machitidwe a banja, malinga ndi zomwe tinkakhala paubwana. Ana amatengera khalidwe la makolo awo kapena kuchita zosiyana, nthawi zambiri popanda kuzindikira.

“Ndinamenyera nkhondo banja lamwambo, ukwati m’tchalitchi ndi ubatizo wa ana. Ndili ndi nyumba yabwino, ndine membala wa mabungwe awiri othandiza, Anna wazaka 38 amagawana. "Koma zikuwoneka ngati tsiku lililonse ndimamva kuseka kwa amayi anga, omwe amandidzudzula chifukwa chokhala mbali ya" dongosolo ". Ndipo sindingathe kunyadira zomwe ndapeza chifukwa cha izi. ”

Zoyenera kuchita? Kulandira choloŵa kapena kuchigonjetsa pang'onopang'ono? Njira yothetsera vutoli ili m'njira yomwe okwatiranawo amadutsamo, kusintha zenizeni zenizeni tsiku ndi tsiku, chifukwa chikondi (ndipo sitiyenera kuiwala izi) si mbali ya ukwati, komanso cholinga chake.