Zamkatimu
Mwakumana ndi munthu wa maloto anu. Koma china chake chinalakwika, ndipo ubalewo sunayende bwino kwa nthawi yakhumi ndi iwiri. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Susanne Lachman akulongosola zifukwa zomwe timalepherera kutsogolo kwa chikondi.
1. Osayenerera bwino
Kafukufuku wokhudzana ndi zibwenzi pa intaneti awonetsa kuti timakonda kusankha mabwenzi omwe timawawona kuti ndi oyandikana nawo malinga ndi kukopa, ndalama, maphunziro, ndi luntha. M’mawu ena, munthu amene timakumana naye amangosonyeza mmene timadzionera. Mwachitsanzo, timadziona kuti ndife onyansa kapena timadziimba mlandu chifukwa cha zimene zinatichitikira m’mbuyomu. Zokumana nazo zoyipa izi zimakhudza omwe ndife okonzeka kapena osakonzeka kuyandikira.
Ngakhale kuti nthawi zina zimativuta kukhulupirira munthu, timaonabe kuti tikufunika kugwirizana kwambiri. Izi, nawonso, kumabweretsa chakuti ife kulowa mu ubale umene tikuyesera «kulipira» ndi bwenzi. Zikuwoneka kwa ife kuti sitiri amtengo wapatali mwa ife tokha, koma chifukwa cha zinthu zomwe tingapereke.
Azimayi amayesa kubisala kumbuyo kwa udindo wa mbuye kapena mbuye wachitsanzo, amuna amaika chuma chakuthupi patsogolo. Chifukwa chake timangopeza wina wotithandiza kukhala pachibwenzi ndikugwera m'gulu lankhanza pomwe kusakhulupirira kwathu kuti tikuyenera kukhala bwino kumangokulirakulira.
2. Kudalira kwambiri maganizo
Pamenepa, timafunikira kutsimikiziridwa kosalekeza kuti amatikonda. Timayamba kuzunza mnzathu ndikufunika kutitsimikizira kuti adzakhalapo nthawi zonse. Ndipo sikuti ndife ochita nsanje, kungoti maganizo athu osatetezeka amafunikira umboni woti ndife ofunikabe.
Ngati wokondedwayo sakupirira kukakamizidwa kumeneku (zomwe zimachitika nthawi zambiri), wodalirayo amakhala payekha, ndipo izi zimapangitsa kuti anthu azikhala okhumudwa kwambiri. Kuzindikira momwe kusowa kwathu kowawa kumakhalira kuwononga ubale ndiko sitepe yoyamba yowasunga.
3. Zoyembekeza zosayembekezereka
Nthawi zina munthu wathu wamkati mwangwiro amatembenukira panthawi yomwe timasankha bwenzi. Ganizirani za ubale wanu ndi ena: kodi ndinu wovuta komanso wokondera?
Kodi mukuyesera kukumana ndi zongopeka zanu zomwe palibe? Mwina simuyenera kukhala maximalist ndi kudula kugwirizana mwamsanga pamene inu simunakonde chinachake m'mawu kapena khalidwe la mnzanuyo, koma kumupatsa ndi inuyo mwayi kudziwana bwino.
4. Kukakamizidwa ndi okondedwa
Timadzazidwa ndi mafunso okhudza nthawi yomwe tidzakwatira (kukwatira) kapena kupeza bwenzi. Ndipo pang’ono ndi pang’ono timadziimba mlandu kuti tidakali tokha m’dziko limene okwatirana okha ndi amene amaoneka kuti akusangalala. Ndipo ngakhale izi ndi chinyengo chabe, kukakamizidwa kuchokera kunja kumawonjezera nkhawa komanso kuopa kukhala wekha. Kumvetsetsa kuti tagwa mu mphamvu ya zomwe anthu amayembekeza ndi sitepe yofunikira pakusintha kusaka bwenzi kuchokera kuntchito kukhala masewera achikondi.
5. Zochitika zowawa zakale
Ngati muli ndi zokumana nazo zoipa kuchokera pachibwenzi chakale (mumadalira munthu amene adakuvutitsani), zingakhale zovuta kuti muululirenso wina. Pambuyo pazochitika zotere, sikophweka kuchitapo kanthu kuti mudziwe bwino: kulembetsa pa tsamba kuti mupeze okwatirana kapena kujowina gulu lachidwi.
Musathamangire nokha, koma ganizirani kuti, mosasamala kanthu za zochitika zakale, mumakhalabe munthu yemweyo, wokhoza kukonda ndi kulandira chikondi.
6. Kulakwa
Mungaganize kuti munali ndi udindo chifukwa chakuti chibwenzi chapitacho chinatha ndipo munapweteka mnzanuyo. Zimenezi zingakupangitseni kukhulupirira kuti simuli woyenera kukondedwa. Ngati zakale zathu ziyamba kulamulira zamakono ndi zam'tsogolo, ichi ndi njira yotsimikizika yotaya maubwenzi, ngakhale ndi munthu wapamtima komanso wachikondi.
Pokhapokha tikasiya kuyanjana ndi mnzathu watsopano ndi woyambayo, timadzipatsa mpata womanga mgwirizano wodzaza ndi wosangalala.
7. Nthawi yako sinafike
Mutha kukhala munthu wodalirika, wokongola, wodabwitsa. Mulibe vuto lolankhulana komanso anzanu ambiri. Ndipo komabe, mosasamala kanthu za chikhumbo chofuna kupeza wokondedwa, tsopano muli nokha. Mwina nthawi yanu sinafike.
Ngati mukufuna kupeza chikondi, kudikira nthawi yayitali (monga momwe mukuwonera) kumatha kubweretsa kusungulumwa kwambiri komanso kutaya mtima. Musalole kuti dziko lino likulamulireni, likhoza kukukankhirani ku chisankho cholakwika chomwe timadzinyenga nacho. Dzipatseni nthawi ndikuleza mtima.
Za Katswiri: Suzanne Lachman, Clinical Psychologist.