Zizindikiro 7 kuti simunakonzekere kukhala bwenzi ndi wakale

“Ngakhale mutakhala mabwenzi pambuyo pa kusudzulana (kumene sikuli kwa aliyense), ndi bwino kusathamangira kutero,” akutero Susan J. Elliot, wolemba buku lakuti How to Get Over a Breakup. Amalangiza pambuyo pa kutha kwa chibwenzi kuti ayime kwa miyezi isanu ndi umodzi asanaganizire za ubwenzi. Kutalika kwa kupuma kumeneku kumatengera banjali, kuopsa kwa ubale komanso momwe banja likuyendera.

"Muyenera kupumirana wina ndi mnzake ndikulowa gawo latsopano la munthu waulere. Mudzafunika nthawi ndi mtunda kuti muthetse chisoni cha kupatukana. Ngakhale mutasudzulana mwamtendere, aliyense amafunikira nthawi yolimbana ndi malingaliro awo, "akutero Elliot.

Anthu ena amakonda kukhala paubwenzi ndi munthu wakale. Koma ngati chiyembekezo chimenecho sichikusangalatsani, zili bwinonso. Ngati mnzanuyo adakuchitirani zoipa kapena chibwenzicho sichinali bwino, ndiye kuti ndibwino kuti musayese kukhalabe mabwenzi, sizidzatha chilichonse chabwino.

Ngati mwasankha kuyesa kupitiriza kulankhulana, mumadziwa bwanji kuti ndinu okonzeka kutero? Nazi zizindikiro 7 zosonyeza kuti ndichedwa kwambiri kuganiza za izo.

1. Muli ndi chakukhosi kapena mabala amaganizo osapola.

Zotsatira za kupatukana sizingathetsedwe tsiku limodzi. Padzatenga nthawi kuti chisonicho chithe. Ndikofunika kuti musapondereze malingaliro, koma kulola kuti mumve chilichonse: chisoni, kusakhutira, kukanidwa, kukwiya. Ngati simunamvetsetse bwino momwe mukumvera, ndiye kuti simunakonzekere kukhala paubwenzi ndi mnzanu wakale.

“Pambuyo pa kulekana, n’kwachibadwa kumva ululu, kupsa mtima, kapena maganizo ena ovuta. Koma simungathe kukambirana naye, chifukwa palibe ubale wam'mbuyomu ndipo sudzakhalapo, "atero katswiri wa zamaganizo ku San Francisco Kathleen Dahlen de Vos.

Yesani kuthetsa maganizo anu kaye. Ngati mukufuna chithandizo, dokotala kapena mnzanu wokhulupirika komanso wopanda tsankho angakuthandizeni. Kapena mungathe, mwachitsanzo, kuyesa kulemba nkhani kuti mumveketse malingaliro ndi malingaliro,” akutero.

2. Simungakambiranebe za ex wanu.

Ngati nthawi zonse mukamalankhula za wakale wanu, mumayamba kuyankhula kapena kulira, ichi ndi chizindikiro chakuti simunakonzekere kukhala mabwenzi.

"Mwina mukupewa malingaliro ndi chisoni chanu, kapena mumamuganizirabe nthawi zonse. Pamene zowawa zonse zinachitikira, mudzatha kulankhula za ubwenzi modekha kwathunthu. Tisanakhale mabwenzi, m’pofunika kumvetsetsa zimene mwaphunzira ndi zolakwa zimene munapanga,” anatero katswiri wa zamaganizo ku California, Tina Tessina.

3. Kungoganiza kuti ali pachibwenzi kumakuchititsani kukhala wosamasuka.

Pakati pa abwenzi, sichachilendo kukambirana zomwe zikuchitika m'moyo wa aliyense, kuphatikizapo moyo wawo. Ngati mumadwala mukaganizira kuti wakale wanu kapena wakale wanu ali ndi munthu wina, zingakulepheretseni kukhala ndi ubwenzi weniweni. “Anzake amauzana amene amakumana nawo. Ngati zimakupwetekanibe kumva za izi, mwachidziwikire simunakonzekere izi, "akutero Tina Tessina.

De Vos akupereka kuyesa pang'ono. Tangoganizani kuti inu ndi wakale wanu mutakhala mu cafe ndikuwona zidziwitso pafoni yawo kuti machesi apezeka mu pulogalamu yapa chibwenzi. Mumva bwanji? Palibe? Kuyabwa? chisoni?

“Mabwenzi amathandizana pamavuto ndi m’mayesero. Ngati simunakonzekere kuti akale (akale) adzalankhula za abwenzi atsopano, ndi bwino kuchedwetsa maulendo olowa ku cafe, "anatero Kathleen Dalen de Vos.

4. Mukuganiza kuti mwabwererana.

Dzifunseni chifukwa chake mukufuna kukhala paubwenzi ndi wakale wanu. Mwina pansi mukuyembekeza kubwereranso ku ubale? Ngati ndi choncho, musayesetse kukhala mabwenzi pakali pano. Izi zingapangitse kuti zikhale zovuta kusiya zakale ndikupita patsogolo.

“N’zosatheka kukhala ndi mabwenzi abwino ngati muli ndi zolinga zolakwika. Mumangodzivulaza nokha kwambiri. Ganizirani bwino zomwe mukusowa, zomwe maubwenzi achikondi adapereka, kuposa momwe mungasinthire, "akulangiza Chicago psychotherapist Anna Poss.

Kathleen Dahlen de Vos, nayenso, akutsindika kuti kuyesa kukhala mabwenzi mwachiyembekezo chachinsinsi cha tsiku lina kukhala okondana kachiwiri ndi lingaliro loipa kwambiri. Mukuganiza kuti: "Ngati titayambanso kuyankhulana ndikupita kwinakwake limodzi, adzanong'oneza bondo chifukwa cha kutha" kapena "tikhoza kubwezeretsanso chikondi chomwe chinazimiririka." Tsoka ilo, mwachiwonekere ziyembekezo zoterozo zidzangobweretsa ululu, kukhumudwa ndi mkwiyo.

5. Umakhala wosungulumwa

Ngati kusungulumwa kumakuvutitsani pambuyo pa kulekana, mungafune kupitirizabe kuyanjana—ngakhale mutakhala aubwenzi.

Nthawi zambiri, mutatha kusudzulana, pamakhala nthawi yochuluka yaulere, makamaka ngati munkakhala limodzi ndipo mumacheza ndi anzanu ndi achibale a mnzanuyo. Popeza tsopano mukusungulumwa, mungayesedwe kuti muyambenso kugwirizana naye ponamizira kuti ndinu mabwenzi.

“Mwaŵi wobwerera ku moyo wakale ndi wozoloŵereka, kwinaku mukudzitsimikizira kuti ndinu “mabwenzi chabe” umawoneka wokopa kwambiri. Ichi ndi chitonthozo chachifupi, koma chikhoza kutsogolera kuti ubale wachikondi wosasinthasintha umayambanso. Izi zimadzadza ndi kusamvetsetsana kwakukulu, kusatsimikizika, komanso kusakhutira kwakukulu, "akutero Zainab Delavalla, katswiri wazamisala wa ku Atlanta.

Palinso njira zina zothanirana ndi kusungulumwa. Yang'ananinso zokonda zakale, tulukani ndi banja, kapena dziperekani ndi mabungwe othandizira.

6. Nthawi zonse mumayang'ana zambiri za zakale / zakale

Ngati muli ndi chidwi chofuna kuyang'ana nthawi zonse Instagram ya mnzanu wakale (yoletsedwa ku Russia) kuti mupeze zosintha za komwe ali komanso ndi ndani, simunakonzekere kukhala mabwenzi pakali pano.

"Ngati mukufuna kudziwa tsatanetsatane wa moyo wakale / wakale, koma simunakonzekere kufunsa mwachindunji, mutha kukhalabe ndi mkangano wamkati kapena simunakonzekere kuvomereza kuti tsopano amakhala moyo wake, ” akutero Kathleen Dalen de Vos.

7. Mumayembekezera kuti wakale wanuyo akhale momwe mumafunira nthawi zonse.

Simuyenera kukhala paubwenzi ndi wakale wanu kungoyang'ana zomwe zikuchitika m'moyo wake, mobisa akuyembekeza kuti asintha mwamatsenga. Uwu ndi khalidwe losayenera komanso kuwononga nthawi.

“Ngati munalekana chifukwa cha kusagwirizana kwa anthu otchulidwa m’nkhaniyi kapena mavuto aakulu (kuledzera, kusakhulupirika, kutchova njuga), simungayembekezere kusintha kwakukulu. Komanso, poyesa kubweza mnzanu wakale, mukuphonya kukumana ndi munthu wina, "akutero Delavalla.

Gwero: Huffington Post