Zamkatimu
Azimayi ambiri amadandaula kuti kukumana ndi munthu wofunika pa chibwenzi ndi kovuta kwambiri: ambiri mwa amuna omwe amalembetsa kumeneko amangofunika chinthu chimodzi - kugonana popanda udindo. Koma kodi zilidi choncho?
Kodi amuna amangofuna kugonana?
Pamene akugwira ntchito pa bukhuli, katswiri wa zamaganizo Ann Hastings, ndi cholinga choyesera, adalembetsa pa imodzi mwa malo ochezera abwenzi, omwe ambiri omwe amagwiritsa ntchito ndi okwatirana. Zomwe zinamuchitikira zimatsutsa kwambiri zomwe anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti amuna amabwera kumeneko chifukwa chogonana.
Ann anadabwa kupeza pafupifupi nthaŵi yomweyo kuti amuna ambiri pa malo amene iye anasankha anali okonda zachikondi koposa kugonana. “Ambiri a iwo amene ndinalankhula nawo, m’malo mwake analakalaka zizindikiro za kuyandikana kwaumunthu: pamene wina akuyembekezera mauthenga anu, akumadabwa mmene tsiku lanu linakhalira, nadzakulemberani mawu achifundo,” akugawana motero.
Ena sanayese n’komwe kukumana paokha ndi wolankhulayo.
Iwo ankakonda kumverera kwa kuyandikana ndi kuyanjana, ngakhale kuti kunali kozikidwa pa zongopeka za munthu yemwe samamudziwa kwenikweni.
“Kodi amuna anditumizira zithunzi za ziwalo zawo zamaliseche? Ndiko kuti, kodi iwo anachita zomwe amayi nthawi zambiri amadandaula nazo? Inde, ena adatumiza, koma atangolandira ndemanga zokometsera poyankha, mwachiwonekere zidawatsimikizira, ndipo sitinabwererenso kumutuwu, "wasayansi akuvomereza.
Kuyang'ana ubwenzi
Katswiri wina wa zamaganizo atafunsa amuna chifukwa chimene amafunira munthu wokwatirana naye watsopano, ena anavomereza kuti anali asanagone ndi akazi awo kwa nthaŵi yaitali. Komabe, izi zinali zotsatira zake, osati chifukwa cholembera pa tsambalo. Ambiri sanamve kukondedwa, koma sanafulumire kusudzulana, makamaka chifukwa cha ana ndi udindo wa banja.
Mmodzi wa mabwenzi atsopano a Ann anayesa kusunga unansi pambuyo pa kuperekedwa kwa mkazi wake, koma okwatiranawo ankangokhala ngati oyandikana nawo ndipo anakhalabe pamodzi chifukwa cha ana awo aamuna. Mwamunayo adavomereza kuti sakanatha kulingalira moyo wopanda ana ndipo misonkhano kamodzi pa sabata inali yosavomerezeka kwa iye. Kugonana kwa anthu awiriwa kunatha kalekale.
Komabe, iye sankakonda kugonana kokha - ankafuna kumvetsetsa ndi kutentha kwaumunthu.
Mwamuna winanso ananena kuti mkazi wake wakhala akuvutika maganizo kwa nthawi yaitali ndipo sankafunika kugwirizana naye. Anavomereza kuti anali ndi zibwenzi ndi mkazi wina, koma ankangofuna chibwenzi, ndipo chibwenzicho chinatha chifukwa ankafuna zambiri.
"Kugonana sikunakhale kosangalatsa kwenikweni, monga momwe munthu angaganizire," katswiri wa zamaganizo amagawana zomwezo. Ndipo, ngakhale kuti sindinakonzekere kugonana, amuna ameneŵa anakopeka nane chifukwa ndinakhala womvetsera woyamikira, ndinasonyeza chisamaliro ndi chifundo.”
Chifukwa chiyani chikondi chimatha mu chikondi?
Ann akunena kuti okwatirana omwe akufuna kubwezeretsa moyo wawo wogonana amabwera kwa iye, koma panthawi ya zokambirana zimakhala kuti sanayese kusonyeza chikondi ndi chikondi kwa wina ndi mzake kunja kwa kugonana kwa nthawi yaitali.
"Tikuvomereza kuti kwa nthawi ndithu adzawonetsa chikhumbo chokhala ndi wokondedwa osati mwa kugonana, koma m'mayankhulana a tsiku ndi tsiku: kukumbatirana, kugwirana chanza, osaiwala kutumiza mauthenga achikondi ndi mawu achikondi," akutero.
Zimachitika kuti maanja amabwera ku chithandizo chifukwa m'modzi mwa okondedwa amagonana kwambiri, ndipo wachiwiri akumva kuti ali ndi udindo wokwaniritsa udindo wake wabanja. Posakhalitsa, izi "zimadetsa mphamvu" kugwirizana kwa awiriawiri.
Kuyesera kusokoneza mbali yogonana yaubwenzi kumangopangitsa kuti pakhale kuzizirira kwambiri.
Amuna ambiri amasiya kukhala ndi chilakolako cha kugonana kwa mkazi wawo chifukwa sangathe kulekanitsa fano lake la mayi wa ana ndi mbuye wa nyumba kuchokera ku fano la mbuye yemwe angathe kudzipereka ku mphamvu ya malingaliro. “Kuti akhutiritse zilakolako zakugonana, amawonerera zolaula kapena kupita kumalo ochezera a pachibwenzi,” Ann akumaliza motero.
Komabe, ngakhale panalibe chenicheni cha kuperekedwa kwakuthupi, izi sizimangotsitsimutsa mgwirizano waukwati, koma nthawi zambiri zimakulitsa mavuto ena, kugawanitsa okwatirana. Munthu akhoza kungoyembekezera kuti osachepera ena mwa anthuwa adzatha kubwezeretsa mlatho mu ubale popanda kuwawononga kwathunthu.
"Mawebusayiti oterowo amatha kukusangalatsani ngati kapu yavinyo, koma samathetsa mavuto"
Lev Khegai, katswiri wa Jungian
Munthawi yomwe ubale wa anthu okwatirana umasokonekera, malo osamvetsetsana ndi kukanidwa amalamulira, onse ogwirizana pofunafuna machiritso auzimu amatha kutembenukira kumasamba ochezera.
Zowonadi, si onse ogwiritsa ntchito masambawa omwe akungoyang'ana zokopa zogonana. Ambiri poyamba amaganiza kuti kugonana kumabweretsa mpumulo, koma kwenikweni amawopa maubwenzi akuthupi.
M’maiko otukuka, kaŵirikaŵiri pamakhala mavuto a kugonana. Pascal Quinard, m’buku lake lakuti Sex and Fear, anasonyeza mmene Ufumu wa Roma unali utapambanitsa, moyo utakhazikika ndi wabata, anthu anayamba kuopa kugonana.
Munthu amataya tanthauzo la moyo, amakhala neurotic ndi mantha chirichonse, kuphulika kulikonse kwa moyo
Kugonana kulinso pakati pawo, kotero akuyang'ana malingaliro opanda chigawo cha kugonana ndi chiyembekezo cha chiyanjano chokwanira, podziwa bwino kuti kugwirizana koteroko sikungathetse mavuto.
Uku ndiye kusankha kwamtundu wa neurotic, mtundu wosankha popanda kusankha: momwe mungasinthire chilichonse osasintha chilichonse? Pali nthawi zina pomwe bwenzi lenileni lidasinthidwa ndi maloboti kapena mapulogalamu omwe amatumiza mauthenga achikondi, matamando ndi kukopana.
Komabe, m’lingaliro lapadziko lonse, unansi weniweni pambali sudzathetsa mavuto a banjali. Amatha kukusangalatsani kwakanthawi, monga kupuma kulikonse, zosangalatsa, ngakhale kapu ya vinyo. Ngati chizolowezi chodziwika bwino chikhala mtundu wazokonda, kutengeka mtima, ndiye kuti, izi sizingabweretse zabwino kwa wogwiritsa ntchito tsambalo kapena banjali.