Maulendo, mayeso ndi maiko odabwitsa - awa «maloto ziwembu» ndizodziwika kwa ambiri ndipo atha kupereka kiyi kuti mumvetsetse nokha ndi zomwe munakumana nazo popanda chidziwitso. Psychotherapist David Bedrick akufotokoza tanthauzo lawo ndi maphunziro a zochitika.
Tsiku lililonse timalumikizana ndi ife tokha, anthu ena komanso dziko lotizungulira. Timayesa kupanga chisankho choyenera: zomwe takumana nazo ndi malingaliro athu kuti tigawane, ndi zomwe tiyenera kuzibisa. Ndi anthu ena, tiyenera kukhala atcheru: mawu ndi zochita zitha kuwonetsa zowawa zathu kapena kusatetezeka kwathu. Musamalankhule za zizolowezi zanu, kukwiya kapena mkwiyo ndi ena. Ndi chachitatu, tiyenera kusamala ndi kubisa nkhani zokhudza matenda kapena zimene zikuchitika pa moyo wathu wauzimu.
Timachita zimenezi pa zifukwa zabwino kapena mogwirizana ndi mmene zinthu zilili. Komabe, gawo lalikulu la zisankho izi zimapangidwa mosazindikira - sitizindikira nthawi zonse zomwe malingaliro akuya, malingaliro, zosowa ndi maphunziro am'mbuyomu amatitsogolera.
Mutha kugwira ntchito ndi malingaliro, malingaliro, ndi zokumana nazo "zosiyidwa kumbuyo" ngati mutsatira njira yofufuzira maloto.
Koma chimachitika ndi chiyani pa chilichonse chomwe sichinafotokozedwe, kufotokozedwa, kumva komanso kumveka bwino? Nthawi zina - palibe kanthu, koma zobisika ndi malingaliro obisika amakhalabe oponderezedwa ndipo kenako amakhala chifukwa cha kusakwanira kwathu ndi ena, mikangano, kukhumudwa, kudwala kwakuthupi, kukwiya ndi zina zowoneka ngati zosadziwika bwino komanso zochita.
David Bedrick akugogomezera kuti izi ndizabwinobwino - uwu ndi umunthu wathu. Koma ndi izi «zosiyidwa kuseri” malingaliro, malingaliro, zokumana nazo, mutha kugwira ntchito ngati mutsatira njira yomwe imadziwika ku miyambo yoyambirira ya aborigines, komanso sayansi yamakono yama psychology. Njira iyi ndi kufufuza kwa maloto athu. Nawa ziwembu zitatu zamaloto zomwe ambiri aife timakumana nazo nthawi ndi nthawi.
1. Kulephera kuyenda
"Ndinagula tikiti ya ndege, koma ndinaphonya ulendo wanga", "Ndinalota kuti ndikupita paulendo, koma sindinathe kusankha zomwe ndingatenge panjira", "M'maloto, ine ndi mnzanga tinali. kupita kutchuthi, koma sitinathe kusankha njira."
M'maloto onsewa, anthu anali kuyenda maulendo, koma anakumana ndi zopinga: sakanatha kufika pa nthawi yake, anaiwala, anagona, anaphonya nthawi yonyamuka. Maloto oterowo nthawi zambiri amawonetsa kukayikira, zolumikizira kapena zikhulupiliro zomwe zimatilepheretsa mwanjira ina, sizitilola kupita patsogolo, kupita kupyola moyo wathu wanthawi zonse kupita ku chatsopano.
Cholepheretsa chingakhale chosowa chathu chokonzekera kwathunthu kusintha - monga m'maloto omwe munthu sakanatha kukonzekera msewu. Kapena mphamvu za ubale wamakono zomwe zimasokoneza kayendetsedwe kathu - mwachitsanzo, ngati m'maloto timakhudzidwa ndi zokambirana kapena mikangano, chifukwa cha zomwe tachedwa.
Ndikofunika kutenga ziyembekezo zanu ndi zokhumba zanu mozama ndikudandaula mochepera pa zomwe zili zoyenera popanda kuyesa kukonza moyo wanu wonse.
Kapena tingalepheretse ntchito imene timachita m’moyo ndi kupitirira imene sitingathe kuipitirirabe—ntchito za kholo, kusamalira munthu, kufunika kokhala wangwiro, kufunafuna ndalama. Kapena mwina ndi za kuchuluka kwa ntchito m'miyoyo yathu, ndiyeno m'maloto titha kukhala mumsewu wapamsewu.
Tikakhala ndi maloto otere, tiyenera kudzithandiza tokha, kudzozedwa kuti "tidumphe", kuti titengepo kanthu. Ndikofunikira kuti mutengere ziyembekezo zanu ndi zokhumba zanu mozama ndi kudera nkhawa kwambiri zomwe zili zoyenera popanda kuyesa kukonzekera moyo wanu wonse.
2. Mayeso olephera
“Kwa zaka zambiri ndakhala ndi maloto omwewo mobwerezabwereza. Zili ngati ndabwerera ku koleji, monga momwe ndinalili zaka 20 zapitazo. Ndinayiwala kuti ndimayenera kupita ku phunziro linalake, kenako zinapezeka kuti mawa ndi mayeso. Kulangidwako sikofunikira kwambiri - nthawi zambiri maphunziro akuthupi - koma ndimayenera kupeza ma marks, kotero ndikusowa. Ndikagona ndimada nkhawa kwambiri.”
Ambiri aife timalota kuti tagona mopitirira muyeso, kuyiwala kuphunzira phunziro, kapena kuphonya mayeso. Maloto oterowo amakhala odzaza ndi nkhawa ndipo nthawi zambiri amawonetsa kuti timawona bizinesi ina m'moyo wathu kuti sinathe. Nthawi zina amalankhula za zomwe sitikhulupirira - mu kufunikira kwathu, m'mphamvu yathu yolimbana ndi china chake, mu mphamvu zathu, luso lathu, mwayi. Zingakhalenso chifukwa chodzikayikira.
Kusanthula tulo kungatithandize kudziwa amene amatichepetsa, sakhulupirira mphamvu zathu ndi kufunikira kwathu - tokha kapena wina.
Komabe, akutero David Bedrick, anthu omwe ali ndi maloto oterewa sanazindikire kuti "mayeso" onse adadutsa kale ndi "zabwino", ndipo iwowo ndi ofunika, okonzeka, okhoza, ndi zina zotero. M’malo mwake, maloto oterowo angasonyeze kuti “tinalephera” mayeso chifukwa chakuti sitiyeneranso kuwalemba.
Kusanthula maloto oterowo kungatithandize kudziwa amene amatichepetsa, sakhulupirira mphamvu zathu ndi kufunikira kwathu - tokha kapena wina m'malo athu. Makasitomala a Bedrik, yemwe anali ndi maloto omwe afotokozedwa pamwambapa, adagwirizana kwathunthu ndi kutanthauzira uku: "Izi ndi zoona, chifukwa sindimaganiza kuti ndine wabwino pa chinachake, ndipo nthawi zonse ndimazunzidwa ndi kudzikayikira."
3. Mayiko akutali
“Ndinapita ku Greece ndipo ndinadzimva kuti ndili m’chikondi. Sindikumvetsa chifukwa chimene ndingapitire kumeneko.” “Poyamba ndinayesa kupeza njinga yanga m’sitolo yaikulu, ndipo itafika, ndinaikwera mpaka kunyanja ndi kunyamuka pa sitima yaikulu yapamadzi.”
Anthu omwe ali ndi maloto otere samamva zopinga ndipo samamva kuti ndi osafunika. M’lingaliro lina, iwo achita kale sitepe lopita patsogolo m’moyo, koma sanazindikire zimenezi mokwanira. Kusanthula tulo kumathandizira kulumikizana ndi mkhalidwe wamalingaliro kapena kumverera komwe sitinazindikire, gawo la ife lomwe likufuna kukhala ozindikira, kuzindikira, ndi moyo. Gawoli likhoza kuwoneka ngati "lachilendo" kwa ife panthawiyi - ndi momwe chifaniziro cha Greece, dziko lachilendo, chinabadwa.
Pogwira ntchito ndi mayi wina amene anafotokoza maloto okhudza Greece, Bedrick anamupempha kuti aone m'maganizo mwake, lingalirani za ulendo wake kumeneko ndi kulingalira mmene anasangalalira. Chiganizo chomaliza chinali chakuti mkaziyo adakumana ndi chikondi m'maloto. Sing’angayo anamuthandiza ndi mafunso otsogola kuti azitha kuganiza mopanda nzeru komanso kuti azigwiritsa ntchito bwino mphamvu zake. Anamufunsa za nyimbo zimene anamva ali m’tulo, kukoma kwa zakudya za m’deralo, fungo lake.
Mofanana ndi mitundu ina ya kusanthula, kuphunzira maloto sikuli konsekonse ndipo nthawi zonse kumadalira pazochitika zenizeni ndi umunthu.
Kenako Bedrick ananena kuti mkaziyo ankakhala m’kalembedwe ka «Chigiriki” kameneka—ngati kuti ankakonda moyo umenewu. “Inde! Izi ndi zomwe ndikumva pansi pamtima,” adavomereza kasitomalayo. Amatha kuvina, kuyimba, kumvetsera nyimbo, kapena kutenga "maulendo afupi" kupita ku Greece.
Inde, monga mitundu ina ya kusanthula, matenda ndi kutanthauzira, kuphunzira maloto sikuli konsekonse ndipo nthawi zonse kumadalira pazochitika zenizeni ndi munthu. Mwina wina anali ndi maloto ofanana, koma kufotokoza komwe kwaperekedwa apa sikumuyenerera. David Bedrick amalimbikitsa kudalira malingaliro anu ndikusankha zomwe zimakusangalatsani.
Za Mlembi: David Bedrick ndi psychotherapist komanso mlembi wa Objecting to Dr. Phil: Alternatives to Popular Psychology.