Kodi munali ndi vuto? Ndithu ambiri adzakumverani chisoni. Koma ndithudi padzakhala iwo amene adzawonjezera kuti palibe chimene chikanachitika mukadakhala kunyumba madzulo. Maganizo okhudza anthu ogwiriridwa ndiwovuta kwambiri. Mini? Makongoletsedwe? Mwachiwonekere - «kukwiya». N’chifukwa chiyani ena amakonda kuimba mlandu wochitiridwayo?
N’cifukwa ciani ena a ife timakonda kuŵeluza anthu amene ali m’mavuto, ndipo tingawasinthe bwanji?
Zonse ndi za ndondomeko yapadera ya makhalidwe abwino. Pamene kukhulupirika, kumvera ndi kudzisunga kofunika kwambiri kwa ife, m’pamenenso tidzaona mwamsanga kuti wozunzidwayo ndiye wachititsa mavuto ake. Potsutsana nawo amakhudzidwa ndi oyandikana nawo komanso chilungamo - ochirikiza mfundozi amakhala omasuka m'malingaliro awo.
Akatswiri a zamaganizo a Harvard University (USA) Laura Niemi ndi Liane Young1 adapereka magulu awo omwe amafunikira:
payekhapayekha, ndiko kuti, zozikidwa pa mfundo ya chilungamo ndi kudera nkhawa munthu;
omanga, ndiko kusonyeza kugwirizana kwa gulu linalake kapena fuko.
Makhalidwe awa samapatula wina ndi mzake ndipo amaphatikizidwa mwa ife mosiyanasiyana. Komabe, ndani mwa iwo amene timakonda anganene zambiri za ife. Mwachitsanzo, pamene tidzizindikiritsa tokha ndi zikhulupiriro za «munthu payekha», m'pamenenso tidzakhala ochirikiza zizolowezi zopita patsogolo zandale. Pomwe zikhulupiriro za "zomanga" zimatchuka kwambiri ndi osunga.
Pamene kukhulupirika, kumvera ndi kudzisunga kofunika kwambiri kwa ife, m’pamenenso tidzaona mwamsanga kuti wozunzidwayo ndiye wachititsa mavuto ake.
Anthu omwe amatsatira mfundo za "munthu payekha" nthawi zambiri amaganizira za "wozunzidwa ndi wolakwira": wozunzidwayo anavutika, wolakwayo anamuvulaza. Otsutsa a «kusala kudya» makhalidwe, choyamba, kulabadira chitsanzo palokha - mmene «zachiwerewere» ndi amadzudzula wozunzidwayo. Ndipo ngakhale ngati wozunzidwayo sakudziwikiratu, monga momwe zimakhalira kuwotcha mbendera, gulu ili la anthu limadziwika kwambiri ndi chikhumbo cha kubwezera mwamsanga ndi kubwezera. Chitsanzo chochititsa chidwi ndicho kupha anthu mwaulemu, kumene kukuchitikabe m’madera ena a ku India.
Poyamba, Laura Niemi ndi Liana Young anapatsidwa mafotokozedwe achidule a anthu omwe anazunzidwa ndi milandu yosiyanasiyana. - kugwiriridwa, kugwiriridwa, kubayidwa ndi kupotozedwa. Ndipo adafunsa omwe adachita nawo kuyeserako kuti amawona kuti ozunzidwawo ndi "ovulala" kapena "olakwa."
Mwachidziwikire, pafupifupi onse omwe adatenga nawo gawo m'maphunzirowa anali ndi mwayi wowona omwe adachitidwapo zachiwerewere ngati olakwa. Koma, kudabwitsa kwa asayansi okha, anthu omwe ali ndi "zomangiriza" zamphamvu ankakhulupirira kuti ambiri ozunzidwa ndi olakwa - mosasamala kanthu za mlandu umene adawachitira.. Kuonjezera apo, pamene anthu omwe adachita nawo kafukufukuyu amakhulupirira kuti wozunzidwayo ndi wolakwa, m'pamenenso amamuwona ngati wozunzidwa.
Kuyang'ana pa wolakwayo, modabwitsa, kumachepetsa kufunika koimba mlandu wozunzidwayo.
M’kafukufuku wina, ofunsidwawo anafotokozedwa za nkhani zinazake za kugwiriridwa ndi kuba. Anayang’anizana ndi ntchito yowona kuti wozunzidwayo ndi wolakwayo ali ndi udindo wotani pa zotsatira za upanduwo ndi mmene zochita za aliyense wa iwo payekha zingakhudzire. Ngati anthu amakhulupirira kuti "zomangamanga" zikhalidwe, nthawi zambiri amakhulupirira kuti ndi wozunzidwayo amene amatsimikizira momwe zinthu zidzakhalire. The «individualists» anali ndi malingaliro otsutsana.
Koma kodi pali njira zosinthira malingaliro a olakwa ndi ozunzidwa? Pakafukufuku wawo waposachedwa, akatswiri azamisala adayesa momwe kusinthira kuyang'ana kwa wozunzidwayo kupita kwa wolakwira m'mawu ofotokozera zaupandu kungakhudze kuwunika kwake.
Ziganizo zofotokoza za kugwiriridwa kwa kugonana zimagwiritsa ntchito munthu wogwiriridwayo (“Lisa anagwiriridwa ndi Dan”) kapena wolakwira (“Dan anagwiririra Lisa”) monga nkhani yake. Othandizira "kumanga" makhalidwe adadzudzula ozunzidwa. Panthaŵi imodzimodziyo, kugogomezera kuzunzika kwa watsoka kunangowonjezera kutsutsidwa kwake. Koma chisamaliro chapadera kwa wachigawenga, chodabwitsa, chinachepetsa kufunika koimba mlandu wozunzidwayo.
Chikhumbo cha kuimba mlandu wochitiridwayo chimachokera m’mikhalidwe yathu yaikulu. Mwamwayi, ndizovomerezeka kuwongolera chifukwa cha kusintha kwa mawu omwewo mwalamulo. Kusintha malingaliro kuchokera kwa wozunzidwayo ("O, osauka, adadutsamo chiyani ...") kwa wolakwira ("Ndani adam'patsa ufulu wokakamiza mkazi kuti agone?") Angathandize kwambiri chilungamo, kufotokoza mwachidule Laura Niemi ndi Liane Yang.
1 L. Niemi, L. Young. "Liti ndi Chifukwa Chimene Timawona Ozunzidwa Monga Omwe Ali ndi Udindo Zotsatira za Malingaliro pa Maganizo kwa Ozunzidwa", Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, June 2016.