M’banja, okwatirana kaŵirikaŵiri amafunikira kufunafuna kulolerana m’kuthetsa nkhani zatsiku ndi tsiku ndi kupita kwa wina ndi mnzake pakagwa mkangano kuti asungitse chigwirizano m’banja. Koma kodi n’koyenera kuchita zimenezi pamene malipiro a “ngongole ya m’banja” akukhala nkhanza kwa ife eni?
Kugonana ndi mayeso a litmus a maubwenzi, omwe angagwiritsidwe ntchito kuweruza kukhulupirirana pakati pa okondedwa, kugwirizana kwawo ndi kuthekera kwawo kumva wina ndi mnzake. Ngati mukuyenera kudziwongolera nokha nthawi zonse kuti musangalatse mnzanu, ubale wanu uli pachiwopsezo.
Kodi mungadziwe bwanji mavuto omwe amayambitsa kusafuna kugonana? Ndipo momwe mungakhazikitsire kulumikizana ndi mnzanu komanso nokha?
Ndani ayenera
Tangoganizani zomwe zingachitike mukakana mwamuna wanu pogonana? Kodi iye adzachita chiyani? Mwina mnzanuyo akuumirira pa zomwe mukufuna, ndipo inu, mopanda kuzindikira, mukuwopa kuti ataya chiyanjo chake, mumavomereza?
Si zachilendo kwa akazi kuchita mwanjira imeneyi ngati anayenera kupeza chikondi cha makolo awo ali mwana kapena anakumana ndi mkhalidwe womvetsa chisoni wogwirizanitsidwa ndi mantha a kutaya wokondedwa wawo.
Ganizirani za komwe mwapeza lingaliro loti mukuyenera kupereka kugonana «pa pempho» la mnzanu?
Ndipotu, pamene mukwatirana, komanso kumayambiriro kwa ubale ndi mwamuna, ufulu wanu ku malire anu akuthupi sumatha kulikonse. Mwina chikhulupiriro ichi chikukakamizika kwa inu ndi anthu ndipo ndi nthawi yoti muchisinthe?
Payokha, mawu akuti "ntchito ya m'banja" amawoneka ngati onyenga, chifukwa zilakolako za bwenzi limodzi zimawoneka ngati zolemera kwambiri kuposa zofuna za wachiwiri. Kugonana, monga maubwenzi, ndi njira yobwerezabwereza, pomwe zokhumba za onse awiri ziyenera kuganiziridwa mofanana.
Pali chinthu chonga chikhalidwe cha kuvomereza, kumene chiyanjano popanda yankho labwino chimaonedwa kuti ndi chiwawa. Ngati wokondedwa wanu amakukondanidi ndipo amayamikira ubale wanu, amayesa kumva zokhumba zanu ndikuyesera kupeza njira yothetsera vutoli ndi inu. Ndipo koposa pamenepo sadzakutembenukirani.
Muyenera kumvera thupi lanu ndikuyika zilakolako zanu poyamba - mwinamwake kusafuna kugonana kapena ngakhale kudana ndi njirayi kungangowonjezera ndikuvulaza osati ubale wanu, komanso nokha.
Pali chikondi koma palibe chilakolako
Tiyerekeze kuti mwamuna wanu akuyesera kuti akuthandizeni, koma simukufuna kugonana kwa miyezi ingapo, ngakhale kuti mumamukonda kwambiri mnzanuyo. Kugonana ndi kusowa kwa thupi kwa thupi, kotero kuti musawononge maubwenzi chifukwa chosowa ubwenzi, m'pofunika kukambirana moona mtima ndi inu nokha.
Nthawi zambiri, amayi amabwera ku chithandizo ndi vuto lakusowa chisangalalo panthawi yogonana kapena safuna kukhala pachibwenzi ndi okondedwa awo.
Makasitomala ambiri amavomereza kuti sangavomereze kugonana kwawo ndikumasuka kwa amuna
Monga lamulo, izi zimachitika chifukwa chakuti panthawi yogonana mkazi amamva manyazi, kudziimba mlandu kapena mantha. Ndipo ndi zomwe zimawoneka panthawi yogonana zomwe muyenera kugwira ntchito.
Kuti mudziwe momwe mungasonyezere mphamvu zanu zogonana ndikusangalala ndi chibwenzi chanu, dziyeseni nokha pofunsa mafunso awa:
- Kodi mumadzichitira nokha, thupi lanu? Kodi mumadzikonda nokha kapena mumamva kuti simuli ochepa mokwanira, okongola, achikazi mokwanira?
- Kodi mumaganiza za inu mwini poyamba kenako za ena? Kapena ndi njira ina m'moyo wanu?
- Mukuopa kukhumudwitsa wokondedwa wanu ndikukanidwa?
- Kodi mungathe kumasuka?
- Kodi mumadziwa zomwe mumakonda zogonana komanso zomwe sizikuyenererani?
- Kodi mungalankhule zokhumba zanu kwa wokondedwa wanu?
Chidziwitso chathu chonse chokhudza dziko lakunja chinaphunzitsidwa kale ndi ife ndikutengera kwa anthu ena. Yang'anirani zomwe mumadziwa zokhudza maubwenzi apamtima ndi zosangalatsa - tsopano lembani zonse zomwe mukudziwa zokhudza kugonana:
- Kodi agogo anu, amayi, abambo ananena chiyani za kugonana?
- Kodi mutuwu unamveka bwanji m'banja mwanu komanso m'dera lanu? Mwachitsanzo, kugonana ndi kowawa, konyansa, koopsa, kochititsa manyazi.
Pambuyo popenda mfundozi, mukhoza kuyamba kusintha maganizo anu pa kugonana. Zomwe tikuzidziwa ndizomwe tingakonze m'miyoyo yathu. Mabuku, maphunziro, maphunziro, ntchito ndi psychotherapist, sexologist, mphunzitsi, ndi machitidwe osiyanasiyana angathandize pa izi. Chilichonse chomwe chikugwirizana ndi inu chidzathandiza.