Sitikuyeneranso kukula pa 13. Zaka za m'ma XNUMX zinapatsa anthu lingaliro la "unyamata". Koma amakhulupirirabe kuti mpaka makumi atatu aliyense ayenera kusankha njira ya moyo wawo ndi kusuntha njira. Sikuti aliyense angavomereze izi.
Meg Rosoff, wolemba:
1966, provincial America, ndili ndi zaka 10.
Aliyense amene ndikumudziwa ali ndi udindo wodziwika bwino: ana akumwetulira pamakhadi a Khrisimasi, abambo amapita kuntchito, amayi amakhala kunyumba, kapena amapita kuntchito-zosafunika kwambiri kuposa amuna awo. Anzanga amatcha makolo anga ยซBamboยป ndi ยซAkaziยป ndipo palibe amene amalumbira pamaso pa akulu awo.
Dziko la anthu akuluakulu linali gawo lowopsya, losamvetsetseka, malo odzaza ndi zisudzo kutali ndi zochitika zaubwana. Mwanayo anakumana ndi masinthidwe owopsa a physiology ndi psychology asanaganize za uchikulire.
Mayi anga atandipatsa buku lakuti, The Path to Womanhood, ndinachita mantha kwambiri. Sindinafune ngakhale kulingalira dziko losazindikirika ili. Amayi sanayambe kufotokoza kuti unyamata ndi gawo losalowerera ndale pakati pa ubwana ndi uchikulire, osati chimodzi kapena china.
Malo odzaza ndi zoopsa, chisangalalo, ngozi, komwe mumayesa mphamvu zanu ndikukhala moyo wongoganizira zingapo nthawi imodzi, mpaka moyo weniweniwo utenge.
Mu 1904, katswiri wa zamaganizo Granville Stanley Hall anayambitsa mawu akuti "unyamata".
Kukula kwa mafakitale ndi maphunziro a anthu onse pamapeto pake kunapangitsa kuti ana asamagwire ntchito nthawi zonse kuyambira zaka 12-13, koma kuti azichita zina.
Mu theka lachiwiri la zaka za zana la XNUMX, zaka zaunyamata zidalumikizidwa ndi kupanduka, komanso mafunso amalingaliro ndi nzeru zomwe m'mbuyomu zimangopangidwa ndi akulu akumidzi ndi amuna anzeru: kufunafuna kudzikonda, tanthauzo ndi chikondi.
Maulendo atatu amalingaliro awa mwamwambo adatha ndi zaka 20 kapena 29. Chofunikira cha umunthu chidali bwino, panali ntchito ndi mnzake.
Koma osati kwa ine. Unyamata wanga unayamba pafupifupi 15 ndipo sunathe. Ndili ndi zaka 19, ndinachoka ku Harvard kupita kusukulu ya zaluso ku London. Ndili ndi zaka 21, ndinasamukira ku New York, ndipo ndinayesa ntchito zingapo, ndikuyembekeza kuti imodzi mwa izo idzandiyenerera. Ndinachita chibwenzi ndi anyamata angapo, ndikuyembekeza kuti ndikhala ndi mmodzi wa iwo.
Khalani ndi cholinga, amayi anga ankanena, ndipo tsatirani. Koma sindinathe kupeza cholinga. Ndinamvetsetsa kuti kusindikiza sikunali kwanga, monga utolankhani, ndale, kutsatsa ... Ndikudziwa motsimikiza, ndinayesera zonse. Ndinkaimba bas mโgulu loimba, ndinkakhala mโnyumba zogonamo anthu, komanso kumapita kumapwando. Kuyang'ana chikondi.
Nthawi yapita. Ndinakondwerera tsiku langa lobadwa la makumi atatu - wopanda mwamuna, wopanda nyumba, utumiki wokongola waku China, mphete yaukwati. Popanda ntchito yodziwika bwino. Palibe zolinga zapadera. Chibwenzi chobisika chokha ndi mabwenzi abwino ochepa. Moyo wanga wakhala wosatsimikizika, wosokoneza, wofulumira. Ndipo adadzazidwa ndi mafunso atatu ofunikira:
Ine ndine ndani?
Kodi ndiyenera kuchita chiyani ndi moyo wanga?
โ Ndani adzandikonda?
Ndili ndi zaka 32, ndinasiya ntchito, nโkusiya nyumba yalendi, nโkubwerera ku London. Patangotha โโmlungu umodzi, ndinayamba kukondana kwambiri ndi wojambulayo ndipo ndinasamukira kudera lina la anthu osauka kwambiri mumzindawo.
Tinkakondana ngati wamisala, tinkayenda ku Europe pa mabasi - chifukwa sitinathe kubwereka galimoto.
Ndipo adakhala nyengo yonse yozizira ndikukumbatira chotenthetsera mpweya kukhitchini
Kenako tinakwatirana ndipo ndinayamba ntchito. Ndinapeza ntchito yotsatsa malonda. Ndinachotsedwa ntchito. Ndinapezanso ntchito. Ndinachotsedwa ntchito. Zonse pamodzi, ndinathamangitsidwa kasanu, kawirikawiri chifukwa cha kusamvera, zomwe tsopano ndikunyadira nazo.
Nditakwanitsa zaka 39, ndinali munthu wamkulu ndipo ndinakwatiwa ndi munthu wina wamkulu. Nditauza wojambulayo kuti ndikufuna mwana, adachita mantha: "Kodi sitiri aang'ono kwambiri chifukwa cha izi?" Anali ndi zaka 43.
Tsopano lingaliro la ยซkukhazikika pansiยป likuwoneka lachikale kwambiri. Ndi mtundu wokhazikika womwe anthu sangathenso kupereka. Anzanga sadziwa choti achite: akhala azamalamulo, otsatsa kapena owerengera ndalama kwa zaka 25 ndipo sakufunanso kuchita. Kapena anakhala lova. Kapena amene anasudzulana posachedwapa.
Amadziphunzitsanso ngati azamba, anamwino, aphunzitsi, amayamba kupanga mawebusayiti, kukhala ochita zisudzo kapena kupeza ndalama poyenda agalu.
Chodabwitsa ichi chikugwirizana ndi zifukwa za chikhalidwe ndi zachuma: ndalama za yunivesite ndi ndalama zambiri, chisamaliro cha makolo okalamba, ana omwe sangathe kuchoka panyumba ya abambo awo.
Zotsatira zosapeลตeka za zinthu ziwiri: kuwonjezeka kwa nthawi ya moyo ndi chuma chomwe sichingakule mpaka kalekale. Komabe, zotsatira za izi ndizosangalatsa kwambiri.
Nthawi ya unyamata, ndi kufufuza kwake kosalekeza kwa tanthauzo la moyo, kumasakanikirana ndi nthawi ya zaka zapakati komanso ngakhale ukalamba.
Chibwenzi pa intaneti pa 50, 60 kapena 70 sizodabwitsanso. Monga amayi atsopano a 45, kapena mibadwo itatu ya ogulitsa ku Zara, kapena akazi a zaka zapakati pa mzere wa iPhone watsopano, achinyamata ankakonda kutenga malo awo usiku kumbuyo kwa Albums za Beatles.
Pali zinthu zomwe sindingafune kuzikumbukira kuyambira zaka zaunyamata - kudzikayikira, kusinthasintha kwamalingaliro, chisokonezo. Koma mzimu wa zatsopano zomwe zapezedwa ukhalabe ndi ine, zomwe zimapangitsa moyo kukhala wowala muunyamata.
Moyo wautali umalola ndipo umafunikanso kuyang'ana njira zatsopano zothandizira zinthu ndi zatsopano. Bambo wa m'modzi mwa anzanu omwe akukondwerera "kupuma pantchito koyenera" pambuyo pa zaka 30 zautumiki ndi membala wa zamoyo zomwe zatsala pang'ono kutha.
Ndidangokhala ndi mwana ndili ndi zaka 40. Ndili ndi zaka 46, ndidalemba buku langa loyamba, ndikuzindikira zomwe ndimafuna kuchita. Ndipo ndizabwino bwanji kudziwa kuti zochitika zanga zonse zamisala, ntchito zotayika, maubale olephera, mathero aliwonse akufa komanso luntha lopeza movutikira ndizomwe ndidalemba nkhani zanga.
Sindikuyembekezeranso kapena ndikufuna kukhala wamkulu "woyenera". Unyamata wa moyo wonse - kusinthasintha, ulendo, kumasuka ku zochitika zatsopano. Mwinamwake pali kutsimikizika kochepa mu kukhalapo koteroko, koma sikudzakhala kotopetsa.
Ndili ndi zaka 50, nditatha kupuma kwa zaka 35, ndinabwereranso pa kavalo ndipo ndinapeza dziko lonse lofanana la amayi omwe amakhala ndi kugwira ntchito ku London, komanso kukwera mahatchi. Ndimakondabe mahatchi monga mmene ndinkakonda ndili ndi zaka 13.
โOsayamba kugwira ntchito ngati sikukuwopsyezani,โ anatero mlangizi wanga woyamba.
Ndipo nthawi zonse ndimatsatira malangizowa. Ndili ndi zaka 54, ndili ndi mwamuna, mwana wamkazi, agalu awiri, ndi nyumba yanga. Tsopano ndi moyo wokhazikika, koma m'tsogolomu sindikuletsa kanyumba ku Himalayas kapena nyumba ya skyscraper ku Japan. Ndikufuna kuphunzira mbiri yakale.
Mnzanga wina posachedwapa anasamuka kuchoka mโnyumba yokongola kupita mโkanyumba kakangโono kwambiri chifukwa cha vuto la ndalama. Ndipo ngakhale panali zodandaula ndi chisangalalo, amavomereza kuti akumva china chake chosangalatsa - kudzipereka kochepa komanso chiyambi chatsopano.
โChilichonse chikhoza kuchitika tsopano,โ anandiuza motero. Kulowa m'malo osadziwika kungakhale koledzera monga momwe kumawopsya. Ndi iko komwe, kosadziwika, komwe kumachitika zinthu zambiri zosangalatsa. Zowopsa, zosangalatsa, zosintha moyo.
Gwiritsitsani ku mzimu wachisokonezo pamene mukukula. Izi zidzakhala zothandiza kwambiri kwa inu.