Ukwati suwonongedwa ndi zofooka kapena zofooka zanu. Sizokhudza anthu konse, koma zomwe zimachitika pakati pawo, akutero katswiri wazothandizira mabanja Anna Varga. Choyambitsa mikangano chiri mu dongosolo losweka la mgwirizano. Katswiriyu akufotokoza mmene kulankhulana koipa kumabweretsera mavuto komanso zimene zikuyenera kuchitika kuti ubwenziwo usungike.
Anthu asintha kwambiri m'zaka makumi angapo zapitazi. Panali vuto la kukhazikitsidwa kwaukwati: pafupifupi mgwirizano wachiwiri uliwonse umatha, anthu ochulukirapo samapanga mabanja nkomwe. Izi zimatikakamiza kuti tiganizirenso za kumvetsetsa kwathu tanthauzo la “moyo wa m’banja” wabwino. Poyamba, pamene ukwati unali wozikidwa pa udindo, zinali zoonekeratu kuti mwamuna ayenera kukwaniritsa ntchito zake, ndi mkazi wake, ndipo izi ndi zokwanira kuti ukwatiwo upitirire.
Masiku ano, maudindo onse amasakanikirana, ndipo chofunika kwambiri, pali zoyembekeza zambiri ndi zofuna zapamwamba pa umoyo wamaganizo wa moyo pamodzi. Mwachitsanzo, chiyembekezo chakuti m’banja tiyenera kukhala osangalala mphindi iliyonse. Ndipo ngati kumverera uku kulibe, ndiye kuti ubalewo ndi wolakwika komanso woipa. Tiyembekeza kuti mnzathu adzakhale chilichonse kwa ife: bwenzi, wokonda, kholo, psychotherapist, wochita naye bizinesi… Mwachidule, adzachita zonse zofunika.
Muukwati wamakono, mulibenso malamulo ovomerezeka a momwe mungakhalire bwino wina ndi mzake. Zimakhazikitsidwa pamalingaliro, maubwenzi, matanthauzo ena. Ndipo chifukwa iye anakhala wosalimba kwambiri, mosavuta disintegrated.
Kodi kulankhulana kumagwira ntchito bwanji?
Maubwenzi ndiwo gwero lalikulu la mavuto a m’banja. Ndipo maubwenzi ndi zotsatira za khalidwe la anthu, momwe kulankhulana kwawo kumapangidwira.
Sikuti m’modzi wa okondedwawo ndi woipa. Tonse ndife abwino mokwanira kukhala pamodzi bwinobwino. Aliyense ali ndi zida zopangira njira yabwino yolumikizirana m'banja. Odwala akhoza kukhala maubwenzi, kulankhulana, kotero ziyenera kusinthidwa. Timakhazikika mukulankhulana nthawi zonse. Zimachitika pamlingo wapakamwa komanso wopanda mawu.
Tonse timamvetsetsa zapakamwa m'njira yofanana, koma ma subtexts ndi osiyana kwambiri.
Pakusinthana kulikonse kolumikizana pali magawo asanu kapena asanu ndi limodzi omwe abwenziwo sangazindikire.
M'banja lomwe silikuyenda bwino, panthawi yamavuto a m'banja, mawu ang'onoang'ono ndi ofunika kwambiri kuposa malemba. Okwatirana sangamvetse n’komwe “zimene akukangana.” Koma aliyense amakumbukira bwino ena mwa madandaulo awo. Ndipo kwa iwo, chinthu chofunika kwambiri si chifukwa cha mkangano, koma subtexts - amene anabwera pamene, amene anamenya chitseko, amene anayang'ana ndi mawonekedwe a nkhope, amene analankhula mu kamvekedwe. Pakusinthana kulikonse, pali magawo asanu kapena asanu ndi limodzi omwe abwenziwo sangazindikire.
Tangoganizani mwamuna ndi mkazi, ali ndi mwana ndi bizinesi wamba. Nthawi zambiri amakangana ndipo sangathe kulekanitsa ubale wabanja ndi maubwenzi akuntchito. Tiyerekeze kuti mwamuna akuyenda ndi stroller, ndipo nthawi imeneyo mkaziyo amaimba foni ndikupempha kuti ayankhe ma foni a bizinesi, chifukwa amayenera kuchita bizinesi. Ndipo akuyenda ndi mwana, samamasuka. Iwo anali ndi ndewu yaikulu.
Nanga n’chiyani chinayambitsa mkanganowo?
Kwa iye, chochitikacho chinayamba panthawi yomwe mkazi wake adayitana. Ndipo kwa iye, chochitikacho chinayamba kale, miyezi ingapo yapitayo, pamene anayamba kumvetsa kuti bizinesi yonse inali pa iye, mwanayo anali pa iye, ndipo mwamuna wake sanawonetserepo kanthu, sakanatha kuchita chilichonse. Amadziunjikira maganizo oipawa kwa miyezi isanu ndi umodzi. Koma sadziwa chilichonse chokhudza maganizo ake. Iwo alipo mu gawo losiyana loyankhulana. Ndipo amachita zokambirana ngati kuti ali pa nthawi yomweyo.
Amadziunjikira maganizo oipawa kwa miyezi isanu ndi umodzi. Koma sadziwa chilichonse chokhudza maganizo ake
Pofuna kuti mwamuna wake ayankhe mafoni a bizinesi, mkaziyo amatumiza uthenga wosalankhula: "Ndimadziona ngati bwana wako." Iye amadzionadi choncho pakali pano, akutengera zimene zinam’chitikira miyezi isanu ndi umodzi yapitayi. Ndipo mwamunayo, pomutsutsa, akunena kuti: “Ayi, sindiwe abwana anga.” Ndiko kukana kudzisankhira yekha. Mkazi amakumana ndi zokumana nazo zambiri zosautsa, koma samamvetsetsa. Chotsatira chake, zomwe zili mkanganowo zimasowa, ndikusiya malingaliro amaliseche okha omwe adzawonekera mukulankhulana kwawo kotsatira.
Lembaninso mbiri
Kuyankhulana ndi khalidwe ndi zinthu zofanana. Chilichonse chomwe mungachite, mumatumiza uthenga kwa mnzanu, kaya mukufuna kapena ayi. Ndipo amawerenga mwanjira ina. Simudziwa momwe idzawerengedwa komanso momwe idzakhudzire ubale.
Njira yolankhulirana ya anthu okwatirana imagonjetsa mikhalidwe ya anthu, ziyembekezo zawo ndi zolinga zawo.
Mnyamata akubwera ndi madandaulo okhudza mkazi wopanda pake. Ali ndi ana awiri, koma iye samachita kalikonse. Amagwira ntchito, amagula zinthu, amayendetsa zonse, koma sakufuna kutenga nawo mbali pa izi.
Timamvetsetsa kuti tikulankhula za dongosolo lolankhulana la "hyperfunctional-hypofunctional". Akamamunyoza kwambiri, m’pamenenso safuna kuchita zinazake. Akamachepa mphamvu, m'pamenenso amakhala wokangalika. Kulumikizana kwachikale komwe palibe amene amasangalala nako: okwatirana sangathe kutulukamo. Nkhani yonseyi imabweretsa chisudzulo. Ndipo mkazi ndi amene amatenga ana ndi kupita.
Mnyamatayo amakwatiranso ndipo akubwera ndi pempho latsopano: mkazi wake wachiwiri nthawi zonse sakondwera naye. Amachita zonse kale komanso bwino kuposa iye.
Aliyense wa okondedwa ali ndi masomphenya ake a zochitika zoipa. Nkhani yanu ya ubale womwewo
Pano pali munthu m'modzi yemweyo: m'njira zina ali chonchi, ndipo ena ndi wosiyana kwambiri. Ndipo si chifukwa chakuti pali chinachake cholakwika ndi iye. Awa ndi machitidwe osiyanasiyana a maubwenzi omwe amakula ndi okondedwa osiyanasiyana.
Aliyense wa ife ali ndi zolinga zomwe sizingasinthidwe. Mwachitsanzo, psychotempo. Timabadwa ndi izi. Ndipo ntchito ya abwenzi ndikuthetsa nkhaniyi mwanjira ina. Pezani mgwirizano.
Aliyense wa okondedwa ali ndi masomphenya ake a zochitika zoipa. Nkhani yanu ndi ya ubale womwewo.
Kulankhula za maubwenzi, munthu amapanga zochitika izi mwanjira ina. Ndipo ngati musintha nkhaniyi, mutha kukhudza zochitika. Ichi ndi gawo la mfundo yogwira ntchito ndi wothandizila wapabanja: pofotokozanso nkhani yawo, okwatiranawo amalingaliranso ndikulembanso motere.
Ndipo mukamakumbukira ndi kuganizira za mbiri yanu, zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano, mukazikhazikitsa cholinga cha kuyanjana bwino, chinthu chodabwitsa chimachitika: madera a ubongo omwe amagwira ntchito ndi kuyanjana kwabwino amayamba kugwira ntchito bwino mwa inu. Ndipo maubwenzi akusintha kukhala abwino.
Kuchokera ku mawu a Anna Varga pa Msonkhano Wapadziko Lonse Wothandiza "Psychology: Mavuto a Nthawi Yathu", yomwe inachitika ku Moscow pa April 21-24, 2017.