“Moyo umathera kuti ukhumbire”, analemba Jean de la Bruyère ku Les Caractères, kuchokera ku 1688. Wolembayo, pofotokoza izi, anaumirira mu filigree pa ntchito yofunikira, m'miyoyo yathu, ya zongopeka, izi zowonetseratu zomwe zimamasulira zilakolako zathu. Monga, mwachitsanzo, kuyambitsa zochitika zosakwaniritsidwa, kapena chilakolako chogonana chomwe sichinakwaniritsidwe, kapena sichinakwaniritsidwebe. Anthu ena amavomereza malingaliro awo. Ena amakonda kuwalamulira. Ena, akhutitseni iwo. Bwanji ngati, pamapeto pake, kukumana nawo m’moyo weniweni kumawakhumudwitsa? Bwanji ngati, mwa kuwasunga mwansanje, amatithandizanso kukhala ndi moyo?

"Zongopeka sizimalamulira moyo wakugonana, ndi chakudya chake", adatsimikizira katswiri wamisala wa ku France Henri Barte. Kupanga malingaliro kudzera mu prism yomwe ego angafune kuthawa kugwidwa ndi zenizeni, zongopeka, ndendende ngati zongoyerekeza, zimawonetsanso zabodza, kapena zopanda zenizeni. Etymologically, amachokera ku Greek dummy kutanthauza “mawonekedwe”.

Lingaliro la kugonana limakhala, mwachitsanzo, m'malingaliro a zochitika, zogonana zomwe zinali zisanakwaniritsidwe mpaka pano. David Lodge, mu Dziko la maphunziro, motero anaganiza kuti “Kugonana kwa munthu aliyense mwa zina kumapangidwa ndi zinthu zongopeka, zosonkhezeredwa ndi anthu olemba mabuku, nthano, nkhani komanso zithunzi ndi mafilimu”. Chifukwa chake, otchulidwa a Vicomte de Valmont ndi Marquise de Merteuil, odziwika awiri a buku lodziwika bwino la epistolary Les Liaisons Dangereuses, atha, mwachitsanzo, kudyetsa malingaliro angapo… Zongopeka zili mwanjira ina yokhudzana ndi kugonana.

Pali malingaliro ogonana, komanso zongopeka, zomwe zimakhudza kudzikonda. Kumbali ina, malingaliro ena amatha kukhala ozindikira, ndipo awa ndi masana ndi mapulani, ndipo ena sadziwa: pankhaniyi amawonetsedwa kudzera m'maloto ndi zizindikiro zamanjenje. Nthawi zina zongopeka zingayambitse kuchita zinthu monyanyira. 

Zosiyana zomwe ziri zongopeka ndiye mapangidwe amalingaliro. Iwo, mwanjira iyi, apereka njira yachifumu yowunikira mawonetseredwe a chikomokere. Tisaiwale zomwe mwambiwu ukunena, “Chinthu choletsedwa, chofunidwa”...

"Chikondi chongoganizira ndi chabwino kuposa chikondi chokhala ndi moyo. Osachitapo kanthu, ndizosangalatsa kwambiri ”, analemba motero Andy Warhol. M'malo mwake, Oscar Wilde adati: “Njira yokhayo yochotsera ziyeso ndi kugonja. Kanizani, ndipo mzimu wanu umadwala chifukwa cholefuka zomwe ukudziletsa.. Nangano n’ciani cimene munthu angacite munthu akagwidwa ndi zongopeka? Mwinamwake, mophweka, mukukumbukira kuti, ngati mudzakumana nazo m’moyo weniweni, zidzakhaladi zokhumudwitsa?

Kapena, kodi tingathenso kuzikwaniritsa kudzera mu ndakatulo ndi zolemba? Ndakatulo, yomwe ndi, ya Pierre Seghers, "Pivot ya iye amene amadzifufuza yekha mu zotsutsana zake, mu kusalinganiza kwa mphamvu zake, liwu la kulira kwa misala, kukhalapo mosasamala kanthu za zongopeka".

Kodi ndizotheka kuwalingalira, nawonso, pokhapokha ngati akugwirizana ndi iwe mwini? Mofanana ndi Françoise Dolto, yemwe, mwachitsanzo, anali ndi chidwi ndi nthanthi ya wina ngati iye akanapanga kukhala yake yake? Ndiko kuti, ngati akanatha "Pezani pamenepo, zofotokozedwa mosiyana ndi zomwe akanachita, malingaliro ake, zomwe adapeza, zomwe adakumana nazo". Ndipo, ndiye, amavutika kuti agwetse china chirichonse, chirichonse chimene, mwa chiphunzitso cha chinacho, sichimaunikira konse zomwe iye akumva kapena zomwe amakumana nazo.

Kodi tingathe kudziwa zotsatira za malingaliro achipembedzo pa zongopeka? Katswiri wa zamaganizo wa ku America Tierney Ahrold anayesa kuwunika momwe mtundu wachipembedzo wa munthu aliyense unalili nawo pamalingaliro ake okhudzana ndi kugonana ndi malingaliro. Motero iye anapeza kuti zikhulupiriro zachipembedzo zamkati zimaneneratu za makhalidwe osamala kwambiri a kugonana, ponse paŵiri mwa amuna ndi akazi. M'malo mwake, kuchuluka kwa uzimu kumaneneratu kuti amuna ndi akazi osasamala, koma osamala kwambiri mwa akazi.

Kukhazikika kwachipembedzo kumakhudzanso malingaliro ogonana: izi zimachepetsedwa kwambiri pakati pa otsatira ake. Mfundo inanso yoti muzindikire: zikhulupiriro zazikulu zauzimu ndi zauzimu, zomwe zimawonjezera kufunika kocheperako kwachipembedzo chamwambo, zimamasulira, mwa akazi, m'malingaliro apamwamba kwambiri okhala ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana ogonana.

Pomaliza, ngati timvetseranso kwa Françoise Dolto, yemwe adachita kuyika Mauthenga Abwino ndi chikhulupiriro poyang'anizana ndi chiopsezo cha psychoanalysis, mwina. “Tchimo lokhalo sindilo kudziika pachiswe kuti mukwaniritse chikhumbo chanu”...

Tidzapatsidwa kuzizira kuti tikonde lawi la moto, tidzapatsidwa chidani ndipo tidzakonda chikondi, anaimba Johnny… Chikhumbo ndi zongopeka zimagwirizana kwambiri ndi chilakolako. Komabe, wolemba Malebranche akusonyeza kuti zilakolako zimenezi si zaufulu, zingakhale "Mwa ife popanda ife, ngakhalenso ngakhale titachimwa".

Komabe, potsatira Descartes, titazindikira kuti zilakolako zimapangidwa mu moyo popanda chifuniro kukhala mbali yake, tidzamvetsetsa kuti sikudzakhala kopanda phindu kufunafuna kuwachepetsera kukhala chete mwa kuyesayesa kosavuta. Kwa Descartes, kwenikweni, "Zilakolako za moyo zili ngati malingaliro, kapena malingaliro a moyo, olimbikitsidwa ndi kayendedwe ka mizimu."

Popanda komabe kusiya kusunga izi "Ndikufuna", chimene Johnny anachilengeza moyenerera, ifenso tingathe, monga wophunzira wokwanitsidwa wa Descartes, kuthandiza kulingalira kupezanso maufulu ake… Mosaiwala mu mzimu womwewo kutisunga ife amoyo. Ndiyeno, tidzatsatira mbali iyi wolemba Frédéric Beigbeder, yemwe amalangiza: "Tiyeni tidalitse zokhumba zathu zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe, tiziyamikira maloto athu omwe sitingathe kuwakwaniritsa. Kaduka amatisunga amoyo”.