Umboni: kukhala ndi mwana ali ndi zaka 20
"Kukhala ndi zochepa chabe ndi njira yokhalira pakati pa anthu. “
Ndidakhala ndi pakati koyamba ndili ndi zaka 22. Ndi bambo, tidakhala limodzi kwa zaka zisanu, tidali ndi vuto lokhazikika, nyumba, mgwirizano wanthawi zonse… inali ntchito yomwe idaganiziridwa bwino. Mwana ameneyu ndinamufuna kuyambira ndili ndi zaka 15. Ngati mnzanga akanavomera, zikadachitika kale, ngakhale pamaphunziro anga. Zaka sizinakhalepo chotchinga kwa ine. Kumayambiriro kwambiri, ndinkafuna kukhazikika ndi mnzanga, kuti tizikhalira limodzi. Umayi chinali sitepe yotsatira yomveka kwa ine, zinali zachibadwa kotheratu.
Kukhala ndi pang'ono kwa inu nokha ndi njira yokhalirapo pakati pa anthu ndi chizindikiro chakuti mukukhaladi munthu wamkulu. Ndinali ndi chikhumbo chimenechi, mwina chofuna kuwaona mosiyana ndi amayi anga amene anandichedwetsa, ndipo nthaŵi zonse ankandiuza kuti amanong’oneza bondo kuti sanandipeze msanga. Bambo anga anali asanakonzekere, adamudikirira mpaka atakwanitsa zaka 33 ndipo ndikuganiza kuti adavutika kwambiri. Mchimwene wanga wamng’ono anabadwa ali ndi zaka 40 ndipo nthaŵi zina ndikamawayang’ana ndimaona ngati pali kusoŵa kulankhulana pakati pawo, mtundu wa mpata wokhudzana ndi kusiyana kwa zaka. Mwadzidzidzi, ndinafunitsitsa kukhala ndi mwana wanga woyamba msanga kuposa iyeyo kuti ndimusonyeze kuti ndinali wokhoza, ndipo ndinaona kunyada kwake pamene ndinamuuza za mimba yanga. Achibale anga, amene ankadziwa chikhumbo changa chokhala mayi, onse anasangalala. Koma zinali zosiyana ndi ena ambiri! Kuyambira pachiyambi panali kusamvana. Nditapita kukayezetsa magazi kuti nditsimikizire kuti ndili ndi pakati, sindinadikire kuti ndidziwe kuti ndimangoyimba labu.
Atandipatsa zotsatira, ndinapeza kuti, “Sindikudziwa ngati ndi uthenga wabwino kapena woipa, koma uli ndi pakati. Panthawiyo, sindinagwe, inde imeneyo inali nkhani yabwino kwambiri, nkhani yabwino ngakhale. Rebelote pa ultrasound yoyamba, gynecologist anatifunsa ngati tinali okondwa kwenikweni, ngati kutanthauza kuti mimbayi inali yosafunikira. Ndipo tsiku limene ndinabadwa, dokotala anandifunsa mosapita m’mbali ngati ndinali kukhalabe ndi makolo anga! Ndinasankha kusalabadira mawu opweteka awa, ndinabwereza mobwerezabwereza: "Ndakhala ndikugwira ntchito yokhazikika kwa zaka zitatu, mwamuna yemwe ali ndi vuto ... "
Kupatula apo, ndinali ndi pakati popanda mantha, zomwe ndinaziyikanso paubwana wanga. Ndinadziuza ndekha kuti: “Ndili ndi zaka 22 (posachedwa 23), zinthu zikhoza kuyenda bwino. Ndinali wosasamala, kotero kuti sindinkachita zimenezo m’manja mwanga. Ndinayiwala kupanga nthawi zofunika kwambiri. Kumbali yake, mnzangayo adatenga nthawi yayitali kuti adziwonetse yekha.
Patapita zaka zitatu, ndinali pafupi kubereka mwana wamkazi wachiŵiri. Ndili ndi zaka pafupifupi 26, ndipo ndine wokondwa kudziuza ndekha kuti ana anga aakazi awiri adzabadwa ndisanakwanitse zaka 30: zaka makumi awiri motalikirana, ndi bwino kuti athe kulankhulana ndi ana ake. “
Lingaliro la shrink
Umboni umenewu ukuimira kwambiri nthawi yathu. Kusintha kwa chikhalidwe cha anthu kumatanthauza kuti amayi akuchedwetsa amayi awo mowonjezereka chifukwa amadzipereka ku moyo wawo waumisiri ndikudikirira kuti zinthu zikhale zokhazikika. Ndipo kotero, lero pafupifupi ali ndi tanthauzo loipa la kukhala ndi mwana wamng'ono. Tangoganizani kuti mu 1900, ali ndi zaka 20, Angela anali atatengedwa kale kukhala mayi wokalamba kwambiri! Ambiri mwa amayiwa amasangalala kukhala ndi mwana wamng'ono, ndipo okonzeka kukhala amayi. Awa nthawi zambiri amakhala azimayi omwe amangoganizira za ana awo adakali ngati chidole, ndipo atangotsala pang'ono, adasiya. Monga momwe zinalili ndi Angela, nthawi zina izi zimafunika kuganiziridwa mozama ndikukwaniritsa udindo wa mzimayi wamkulu kudzera mwa umayi. Pokhala ndi mwana woyamba ali ndi zaka 23, Angela amakwaniritsa zofuna za amayi ake. Mwanjira ina, zimamuchitira zabwino retroactively. Kwa amayi ena, pali kutsanzira kosadziwa. Ndi chikhalidwe cha banja kukhala ndi mwana wamng'ono. Amayi aang'ono obadwa amakhala ndi naivety, chidaliro chamtsogolo chomwe chimawalola kukhala opsinjika kwambiri kuposa ena. Amawona mimba yawo mwachibadwa, popanda nkhawa.