Kodi chizolowezi ndi kuti malire amene munthu amakhala «abnormal»? N’chifukwa chiyani anthu amakonda kudzisala okha komanso kudzisala ena? Psychoanalyst Hilary Handel pazabwinobwino, manyazi oopsa komanso kuvomera.
Morticia Addams wochokera pamndandanda wonena za banja la infernal adati: "Zomwe zimachitika nthawi zonse ndi zabodza. Zomwe zili bwino kwa kangaude ndi chisokonezo kwa ntchentche.
Pafupifupi aliyense wa ife kamodzi m'moyo wake adadzifunsa kuti: "Kodi ndine wabwinobwino?" Wothandizira kapena katswiri wamisala angayankhe mwa kufunsa chifukwa chomwe kapena mkhalidwe wamoyo umatipangitsa kudzikayikira tokha. Anthu ambiri, chifukwa cha zolakwa za makolo kapena zophunzitsa komanso zowawa paubwana, amakhala zaka zambiri ndi nyongolotsi yokayika kuti zina zonse zili bwino, koma sizili ...
Zili kuti, zomwe zimachitika, komanso momwe mungasiyire kudzikayikira kuti ndinu wachilendo? Psychoanalyst Hilary Handel amagawana nkhani ya kasitomala.
Alex, yemwe ali ndi zaka 24, yemwe amagwira ntchito yokonza mapulogalamu, anafunsa funso limene sankayembekezera nthawi zonse. Anali akubwera ku psychotherapy kwa miyezi ingapo, koma aka kanali koyamba kufunsa za izi.
- Ndine wabwinobwino?
N'chifukwa chiyani mukufunsa izi pompano? Hilary anatero. Izi zisanachitike, adakambirana za ubale watsopano wa Alex komanso momwe adasangalalira kuti ayamba kukhala wotsimikiza.
“Chabwino, ndikungodabwa ngati nkwachibadwa kukhala ndi nkhaŵa chonchi.
- Kodi «wachibadwa»? Adafunsa choncho Hilary.
Kodi «wachibadwa»?
Malinga ndi otanthauzira mawu, amatanthauza "zogwirizana ndi muyezo, wamba, wamba, wapakati kapena woyembekezeredwa, komanso wopanda kupatuka."
Koma ndimotani mmene mawu ameneŵa angagwiritsidwire ntchito ponena za anthu onse? Ambiri aife timayesetsa kukhala ndi moyo mogwirizana ndi chikhalidwe cha anthu podziwonetsera ife eni momasuka. Aliyense ali ndi zokonda zake komanso zomwe amakonda, ndife ovuta kwambiri komanso zolengedwa zopanda ungwiro. Maselo athu mabiliyoni ambiri amapangidwa ndi majini komanso zochitika pamoyo.
Komabe nthawi zina timakayikira zomwe timakonda. Chifukwa chiyani? Izi zimachitika chifukwa cha mantha achibadwa okana kukanidwa ndi kuchotsedwa, akufotokoza Dr. Handel. Poganizira izi, tikudzifunsa tokha mafunso: "Kodi ndiwayenerera?", "Kodi ndingakonde?", "Kodi ndikufunika kubisa mawonekedwe anga kuti ndivomerezedwe?".
Dr. Handel anakayikira kuti funso ladzidzidzi la kasitomalayo linali lokhudzana ndi ubale wake watsopano. Nkhani yake ndi yakuti, chikondi chimatichititsa kuti tisamavutike kukanidwa. Mwachibadwa, timakhala atcheru kwambiri ndi atcheru, kuopa kuwulula chimodzi kapena china cha mikhalidwe yathu.
Nkhawa ndi mbali ya kukhala munthu. N’zokhumudwitsa, koma tingaphunzire kukhazika mtima pansi
Kodi mumadziimba mlandu chifukwa chokhala ndi nkhawa? Adafunsa choncho Hilary.
— Inde.
Mukuganiza kuti akunena chiyani za inu?
—Ndili ndi chilema chotani nanga!
— Alex, kodi ndani anakuphunzitsani kudziweruza nokha pa zimene mukumva kapena mmene mukuvutikira? Kodi munaphunzira kuti kuti nkhawa imakupangitsani kukhala wonyozeka? Chifukwa sichoncho!
- Ndikuganiza kuti ndili ndi chilema, chifukwa ndili mwana ndinatumizidwa kwa dokotala wamisala ...
- Nachi! Adakuwa motero Hilary.
Zikanakhala kuti Alex wachichepere akanauzidwa kuti nkhaŵa ndi mbali ya kukhala munthu… Kuti sizosangalatsa, koma tingaphunzire kukhazika mtima pansi. Luso limeneli ndi lofunika kwambiri komanso lofunika kwambiri pamoyo. Akadangouzidwa kuti anganyadire podziwa lusoli, kuti adzakhala munthu wabwino kwambiri, sitepe imodzi patsogolo pa anthu ambiri omwe sanaphunzirepo kudzikhazika mtima pansi, komanso akufunikiradi ...
Panopa Alex, yemwe ndi wamkulu, amadziŵa kuti ngati bwenzi lake lachitapo kanthu ndi nkhaŵa yake, angakambirane ndi kudziŵa chimene chikumuchititsa vuto. Mwinamwake iye si munthu wake, kapena mwina adzapeza yankho lofanana. Mulimonsemo, tidzakambirana za onse awiri, osati za iye yekha.
Chikhalidwe ndi manyazi
Kwa zaka zambiri, nkhawa za Alex zinkakulirakulira chifukwa cha manyazi omwe anali nawo chifukwa chokhala ndi "chilema". Manyazi nthawi zambiri amayamba chifukwa cha malingaliro athu kuti ndife osadziwika kapena osiyana ndi ena onse. Ndipo uku sikumverera kwabwino komwe kumatsimikizira kuti sitidzachita zosayenera. Ndipuyizoni, soni wapoizoni umene umakupangitsani kukhala nokha.
Palibe munthu amene ayenera kuchitiridwa zoipa chifukwa cha mmene iye alili, pokhapokha ngati atavulaza mwadala kapena kuwononga ena. Ambiri amangofuna kuti ena avomereze umunthu wathu weniweni ndi kutikonda chifukwa cha izo, akutero Dr. Handel. Nanga bwanji ngati tisiya kuweruza kotheratu ndi kuvomereza zovuta za munthu?
Hilary Handel amapereka masewera olimbitsa thupi pang'ono. Zomwe muyenera kuchita ndikudzifunsa mafunso angapo.
Kudzidzudzula
- Kodi mukuganiza kuti ndi chiyani pa inu nokha? Mukubisira ena chiyani? Fufuzani mozama komanso moona mtima.
- Kodi mukuganiza kuti chingachitike n’chiyani ngati wina adziwa za makhalidwe anu amenewa?
- Kodi chikhulupiriro chimenechi munachitenga kuti? Kodi zachokera pa zomwe zinachitikira m'mbuyomu?
- Kodi mungaganize bwanji mutadziwa kuti wina ali ndi chinsinsi chofanana?
- Kodi pali njira ina, yomveka bwino yoululira chinsinsi chanu?
- Zimakhala bwanji kudzifunsa mafunso amenewa?
Kudzudzula ena
- Mumaweruza chiyani mwa ena?
- Chifukwa chiyani mukutsutsa?
- Mukanakhala kuti simumaweruza ena mwanjira imeneyi, mungakumane ndi maganizo otani? Lembani zonse zomwe zimabwera m'maganizo: mantha, liwongo, chisoni, mkwiyo, kapena malingaliro ena.
- Kodi kuli bwanji kuganiza za izo?
Mwina mayankho a mafunso amenewa adzakuthandizani kumvetsa mmene mukudzionera nokha kapena anthu ena. Ngati sitivomereza mbali zina za umunthu wathu, izi zimakhudza ubale wathu ndi ena. Chifukwa chake, nthawi zina ndikofunikira kukayikira mawu a wotsutsa wamkati ndikudzikumbutsa tokha kuti ife, monga aliyense wotizungulira, ndife anthu, ndipo aliyense ndi wapadera mwa njira yake.
Za Wolemba: Hilary Jacobs Handel ndi psychoanalyst komanso wolemba wa Not Necessarily Depression. Momwe katatu kosinthira kumakuthandizani kumva thupi lanu, kutsegulira zakukhosi kwanu, ndikulumikizananso ndi umunthu wanu weniweni.