Zamkatimu
Zirizonse zomwe zingayesedwe, sitingathe kugawanitsa dziko mosavuta muzitsulo ziwiri zosavuta komanso zomveka: zakuda ndi zoyera, zabwino ndi zoipa, ndikuchitira anthu ndi zochitika moyenerera. Chikhalidwe chathu ndi chapawiri, ndipo nthawi zambiri timakumana ndi zochitika ziwiri zomwe zimakhala zovuta kuzikonza. Owerenga athu akufotokoza zomwe zimasemphana maganizo kusiyana ndi munthu amene samuganiziranso kuti ndi chifukwa chake.
Patangopita nthawi ndithu chisudzulo chitatha, pamene ndinavomera mwadzidzidzi kuti sindimasangalala ndi moyo wathu wamba. Ndikayang’ana m’mbuyo, ndimaona zinthu zambiri momveka bwino komanso moona mtima. Nthawi zonse tinkadyera limodzi chakudya chamadzulo, ndiyeno tinkakhala titakumbatirana wina ndi mzake, tikuonera mafilimu, ndipo tonse tinkakonda maola amenewo tokha. Ndikukumbukira mmene anandigwirizira dzanja pamene dokotala anatiuza kuti tidzakhala ndi mwana wamwamuna. Zoona, tsopano ndikudziwa kuti panthaŵiyo anali paubwenzi ndi mkazi wina.
Ndikakumbukira nkhani zimenezi, ndimakhala wosangalala, wachisoni komanso wokhumudwa kwambiri. Ndimadzifunsa kuti: N’chifukwa chiyani nthawi zina ndimakhumudwa kwambiri moti ubwenzi ndi munthu amene sindikufuna kumuonanso pafupi ndi ine sunayende bwino? Nthawi zina ndimaona ngati izi zilibe logic iliyonse. Ndine wokondwa kuti palibe wina aliyense amene amaseweretsa malingaliro anga, ndipo panthawi imodzimodziyo ndimadandaula kuti sitinathe kukhala okwatirana achimwemwe. Sindikufuna kukhala ndi munthu ameneyu, koma sindingathe "kuzimitsa" malingaliro anga.
Ngakhale kuti ankanyengana ndipo ankandichitira chilichonse kuti ndimve ululu wa chisudzulo chathu, ndimakumbukirabe nthawi imene tinali m’chikondi ndipo sitingathe kupatukana. Tinali otsimikiza kuti tidzakhala limodzi kwa moyo wathu wonse. Ndinali ndisanakumanepo ndi zinthu ngati mafunde a maginito amene anatisesa.
Sindingakane kuti panali nthawi yosangalatsa muubwenzi wathu, yomwe ndikumuthokoza
Nthawi yomweyo, ndimadana ndi ex wanga. Munthu amene anapondereza chikhulupiriro changa ndi kuika maganizo anga pachabe. Sindingamukhululukire kuti sanabwere kwa ine pomwe ubale wathu udayamba ndipo adamva chisoni. M’malo mwake, iye anayesa kupeza kumvetsetsa ndi chichirikizo kwa wina. Ndi mkazi ameneyu anakambitsirana za mavuto athu aumwini. Anayamba chibwenzi ndili ndi pakati pa mwana wathu wamwamuna, ndipo ndidakali wovuta, wokhumudwa komanso wamanyazi chifukwa cha khalidwe lake.
Komabe, sindingakane kuti munali nyengo yachisangalalo muubwenzi wathu, imene ndimayamikira kwa iye. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti ndikufuna kuti abwerere, ndipo sizimachotsa ululu umene wandibweretsera. Koma sindingaiwale mmene tinali kuseka mosasamala, kuyenda, kupanga chikondi, kulota za m’tsogolo. Mwina mfundo yakuti pomalizira pake ndinapeza mphamvu zovomereza malingaliro anga ovuta kwa mwamuna wanga wakale inandilola kusiya ubale umenewu. Mwina iyi inali njira yokhayo yopitira patsogolo.
“Mwa kupeputsa moyo pamodzi ndi mnzathu wakale, timadziona kukhala wosafunika”
Tatyana Mizinova, psychoanalyst
Mukhoza kusangalala ndi heroine wa nkhaniyi, chifukwa kuzindikira kwake malingaliro ake onse ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yothetsera vutoli. Monga lamulo, sitimalowa muubwenzi ndi anthu omwe sasangalala nafe. Tikukhala nthawi zowoneka bwino komanso zapadera zomwe mwina sizingachitikenso. Tikuyembekezera maubwenzi ena omwe angatigwirizane ndi ife, koma sadzakhala chimodzimodzi, chifukwa chirichonse chimasintha - tonsefe ndi malingaliro athu.
Palibe ubale wangwiro, ndi chinyengo. Nthawi zonse pali ambivalence mwa iwo. Pali china chabwino ndi chofunikira chomwe chinasonkhanitsa anthu pamodzi ndikuwagwirizanitsa, koma palinso china chomwe chimabweretsa zowawa ndi zokhumudwitsa. Pamene kuopsa kwa kukhumudwa kosalekeza kumaposa chisangalalo, anthu amabalalika. Kodi zimenezi zikutanthauza kuti muyenera kuiwala zinthu zabwino zonse ndi kusiya zimene munakumana nazo pamoyo wanu? Ayi! Ndikofunikira kuti tidutse magawo onse akulira: kukana, kukwiya, kukambirana, kukhumudwa, kuvomereza.
Nthawi zambiri, abwenzi abwino, kuyesera kuthandizira, yesetsani kunyoza wokondedwa wathu wakale momwe tingathere. N’chifukwa chiyani amada nkhawa kwambiri ngati anali munthu wopanda pake, wodzikonda komanso wankhanza? Ndipo ngakhale kumabweretsa mpumulo kwakanthawi ... Pokhapokha pali zowawa zambiri kuchokera ku izi.
Sitikusowa munthu, koma okondedwa athu nthawi zomwe zimagwirizanitsidwa ndi iye
Choyamba, pochepetsa "mdani", amatichotseranso mtengo, kuwonetsetsa kuti tasankha wina osati kuti bar yathu siili pamwamba. Kachiwiri, timakakamira mu gawo la mkwiyo, ndipo izi zimachepetsa kwambiri njira yotulutsira zowawazo, osasiya njira yopangira china chatsopano.
Popeza tinasiyana mozindikira ndi mnzathu, timanena moona mtima kuti sitikufuna maubwenzi ambiri ndi munthuyu. N’chifukwa chiyani timamuphonya ndi kumukumbukira? Ndikoyenera kudzifunsa nokha funso lolunjika: ndikusowa chiyani? Mwinamwake, zidzakhala kuti sitikuphonya munthuyo, koma mphindi zomwe zimakondedwa ndi mitima yathu zomwe zimagwirizanitsidwa ndi iye, nthawi zachisangalalo zomwe timakhala pamodzi, ndipo nthawi zambiri zongopeka zomwe mnzathu adayambitsa mwa ife.
Ndi chifukwa cha mphindi izi zomwe timayamika, ndi okondedwa kwa ife, chifukwa ndi gawo lofunika kwambiri la moyo wathu. Mukangovomereza izi, mutha kupitilira ndikudalira iwo ngati chida chanu chofunikira kwambiri.