M’buku lakuti The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde analemba kuti: “Ana amayamba kukonda makolo awo. Atakula, amayamba kuwaweruza. Nthawi zina amawakhululukira.” Chotsatiracho sichophweka kwa aliyense. Bwanji ngati tadzazidwa ndi malingaliro «oletsedwa»: mkwiyo, mkwiyo, mkwiyo, kukhumudwa - pokhudzana ndi anthu apamtima? Momwe mungachotsere malingaliro awa ndipo ndikofunikira? Lingaliro la wolemba nawo buku la "Mindfulness and Emotions" Sandy Clark.
Pofotokoza mmene makolo amagaŵira ana awo, wolemba ndakatulo wachingelezi Philip Larkin anajambulapo chithunzithunzi cha kuvulala kobadwa nako. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, wolemba ndakatuloyo anatsindika kuti makolowo nthawi zambiri sakhala ndi mlandu pa izi: inde, amavulaza mwana wawo m'njira zambiri, koma chifukwa chakuti iwowo adakhumudwa kwambiri ndi kuleredwa.
Kumbali ina, ambiri a ife makolo "anapereka chirichonse." Kuyungizya waawo, tweelede kuba mbuli mbubonya mbotwakacita, tweelede kuzumanana kubweza ntaamu yakubweza ntaamu. Kumbali ina, ambiri amakula akudzimva ngati kuti anakhumudwitsidwa ndi amayi awo ndi/kapena atate (ndipo mwachidziŵikire makolo awo amamvanso chimodzimodzi).
Kumavomerezedwa mofala kuti tingangomva malingaliro ovomerezedwa ndi anthu kwa atate ndi amayi athu. Kukhala wokwiya ndi kukhumudwa nawo sikuloledwa, malingaliro otere ayenera kuponderezedwa mwanjira iliyonse. Osadzudzula amayi ndi abambo, koma kuvomereza - ngakhale atatichitira moyipa ndipo adalakwitsa kwambiri maphunziro. Koma tikamakana maganizo athu, ngakhale zosasangalatsa kwambiri, m’pamenenso maganizo amenewa amakula ndi kutigonjetsa.
Katswiri wa zamaganizo Carl Gustav Jung ankakhulupirira kuti ziribe kanthu momwe tingayesere kupondereza malingaliro osasangalatsa, iwo adzapeza njira yotulukira. Izi zikhoza kudziwonetsera mu khalidwe lathu kapena, poipa kwambiri, mwa mawonekedwe a psychosomatic zizindikiro (monga zotupa pakhungu).
Chinthu chabwino kwambiri chimene tingachite kwa ife tokha ndicho kuvomereza kuti tili ndi ufulu womva mmene tikumvera. Kupanda kutero, tingangowonjezera mkhalidwewo. Inde, ndikofunikiranso zomwe tingachite ndi malingaliro onsewa. Ndizothandiza kudzinenera kuti, "Chabwino, umu ndi momwe ndikumvera - ndipo chifukwa chake" - ndikuyamba kugwira ntchito ndi malingaliro anu m'njira yolimbikitsa. Mwachitsanzo, kusunga diary, kukambirana ndi bwenzi lodalirika, kapena kulankhula za chithandizo.
Inde, makolo athu anali olakwa, koma palibe wakhanda amene amabwera ndi malangizo.
Koma tiyerekeze kuti m'malo mwake tipitiliza kuletsa malingaliro athu oyipa kwa makolo athu: mwachitsanzo, mkwiyo kapena kukhumudwa. Mwayi nzabwino kuti pamene malingaliro ameneŵa akukambitsirana mosalekeza mkati mwathu, tidzangoyang’ana nthaŵi zonse pa zolakwa zimene amayi ndi atate anachita, mmene anatigwetsera pansi, ndi zolakwa zathu chifukwa cha malingaliro ndi malingaliro ameneŵa. M'mawu amodzi, tidzagwira ndi manja awiri kutsoka lathu.
Potulutsa malingaliro, posachedwapa tidzawona kuti sizikuwotcha, kuwira, koma pang'onopang'ono "nyengo" ndikutha. Mwa kudzilola tokha kufotokoza zomwe tikumva, potsirizira pake tikhoza kuona chithunzi chonse. Inde, makolo athu anali olakwa, koma, kumbali ina, iwo mwachiwonekere anadzimva kukhala osakwanira ndi kudzikayikira kwawo—ngati kokha chifukwa chakuti palibe chilangizo cholumikizidwa kwa wobadwa kumene.
Zimatenga nthawi kuti mkangano womwe wakhazikika pamtima uthetsedwe. Malingaliro athu oyipa, osamasuka, "oyipa" ali ndi chifukwa, ndipo chinthu chachikulu ndikuchipeza. Timaphunzitsidwa kuti tiyenera kuchitira ena mwanzeru ndi chifundo - komanso ndi ife eni. Makamaka nthawi zomwe timakhala ndi zovuta.
Timadziwa momwe tiyenera kukhalira ndi ena, momwe tiyenera kukhalira pakati pa anthu. Ife tokha timadziyendetsa tokha mu ndondomeko yolimba ya miyezo ndi malamulo, ndipo chifukwa cha ichi, nthawi ina sitimvetsanso zomwe timamva. Timangodziwa momwe "tiyenera" kumva.
Kukokerana kwamkati kumeneku kumatipangitsa ife kuvutika. Kuti muthe kuvutikaku, muyenera kungoyamba kudzichitira nokha kukoma mtima komweko, chisamaliro komanso kumvetsetsa komwe mumachitira ena. Ndipo ngati tipambana, mwinamwake tidzazindikira mwadzidzidzi kuti mtolo wamaganizo umene takhala tikunyamula nthawi yonseyi wakhala wosavuta pang'ono.
Titasiya kumenyana ndi ife tokha, timazindikira kuti makolo athu kapena anthu ena omwe timawakonda ndi opanda ungwiro, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti ifeyo sitiyenera kugwirizana ndi chikhalidwe cha mizimu.
Za Wolemba: Sandy Clark ndi wolemba nawo wa Mindfulness and Emotion.