Kusudzulana sikumathetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu wakale yemwe akupitirizabe kukhudza moyo wanu, kuchita zinthu mosayembekezereka komanso mwano. Ndi wamwano, amakakamiza, amanyoza, amakakamiza kusintha zisankho ndi mapulani. Kodi kuchita zinthu zikatero? Zotani kuti muletse chiwawa chotsutsana nanu?
Mwamuna wakaleyo adatumiza Natalia meseji yomwe ili ndi chipongwe komanso chowopsa ku moyo wake. Chotero iye anachitapo kanthu atakana kusintha ndandanda ya misonkhano yake ndi mwana wake. Aka kanali koyamba kumuwopseza - nthawi zambiri adayamba kuwukira pamsonkhano, ngati sakanatha kukakamiza m'njira zina.
Koma ulendo uno chiwopsezocho chinajambulidwa pa foni, ndipo Natalya anaonetsa apolisi uthengawo. Poyankha, mwamunayo adalemba ntchito loya ndipo adanena kuti mkazi wakaleyo ndiye woyamba kumuopseza. Ndinayenera kumenya nawo nkhondo imene iye anayambitsa. Makhoti, maloya ankafuna ndalama, kulankhulana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wake wakale kunali kotopetsa. Natalya anali atatopa, anafunika kupuma. Anali kufunafuna njira yodzitetezera, kuchepetsa kulankhulana naye popanda kulowererapo kwa khoti ndi apolisi.
Njira 7 zosavuta zidathandizira kuyika mwamuna wake wakale m'malo mwake.
1. Sankhani chifukwa chomwe muli pachibwenzi
Natalya ankaopa mwamuna wake wakale, koma anayenera kulankhula naye, chifukwa anali ogwirizana ndi mwana wamba, wakale wamba. Koma pokambirana nkhani ndi mavuto, nthawi zambiri anatembenukira kwa umunthu, anakumbukira madandaulo akale, chipongwe, kuchotsedwa mutu wa kukambirana.
“Nthaŵi zonse mukamacheza ndi munthu, dzikumbutseni chifukwa chake mwakumana naye. Pazochitika zilizonse, ndi koyenera kuyika malire ena ndikuwatsatira mosamalitsa, "amalangiza katswiri wa zamaganizo Christine Hammond.
2. Khalani ndi malire
Kumasukirana ndi kuona mtima m’chibwenzi n’kotheka pokhapokha mukakhala otetezeka. Mumkangano, m'malo mwake, ndikofunikira kukhazikitsa malire okhwima ndikuwateteza, mosasamala kanthu kuti mnzake wakale amatsutsa bwanji.
"Musaope kuyika malire, mwachitsanzo, kukana kulankhulana pakamwa, misonkhano yaumwini, kukambirana za bizinesi mu mauthenga okha. Sikoyenera kufotokoza zifukwa, ndikwanira kungoyika wotsutsayo, "akutero Christine Hammond.
3. Vomerezani kuti wakale wanu sasintha.
Ndithudi, sitiyembekezera chikondi ndi kumvetsetsa kwa munthu wowopsa ndi waukali. Komabe, Natalya ankayembekezera kuti ngati angagwirizane ndi zimene mwamuna wake akufuna, mwamunayo adzasiya kumunyoza. Koma izi sizinachitike. Anayenera kuganiziranso zimene ankayembekezera. Anazindikira kuti sangasinthe khalidwe lake m’njira iliyonse ndipo sanali ndi mlandu.
4. Dzitetezeni
Nthawi zonse zimakhala zowawa kuzindikira kuti tinadalira munthu wolakwika. Koma zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti sitingathe kudziteteza. Pofuna kubisala ku mkwiyo ndi mwano wa wokondedwa wake wakale, Natalya anayamba kuganiza kuti mwano wake ndi zachipongwe zimawoneka ngati zikumupweteka popanda kumuvulaza.
5. "Yesani" wakale wanu
Poyamba, pamene mwamuna wakale anachita mwamtendere kwa nthawi ndithu, Natalya anayamba kukhulupirira kuti nthawi zonse zidzakhala choncho, ndipo nthawi zonse anali kulakwitsa. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, ataphunzitsidwa ndi zokumana nazo zowawa, anayamba “kumuyesa”. Mwachitsanzo, anamuuza zinazake n’kuona ngati angamugwiritse ntchito molakwika. Ndinawerenga mauthenga ake pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti kuti ndidziwiretu momwe alili komanso kukonzekera kukambirana naye.
6. Osafulumira
Natalya anachepetsa nthawi yokambirana mwa kukonzekera mafoni okhudza mwanayo pasadakhale. Ngati msonkhano waumwini sakapeŵeka, iye anatenga mmodzi wa mabwenzi ake kapena achibale kupita naye. Sanalinso wofulumira kuyankha mauthenga ndi zopempha zake, ndipo adaganizira mozama mawu ndi chisankho chilichonse.
7. Pangani malamulo olankhulana
Pochita ndi munthu waukali, nthawi zonse muyenera kutsatira mosamalitsa zoletsa zomwe mwamuikira. Ngati mnzanuyo ali wamwano ndikukweza mawu, ingosiyani kulankhula. Pamene mwamuna wakale wa Natalya anayamba kumunyoza, iye analemba kuti: “Tikambitsirana pambuyo pake. Ngati sanafooke, anazimitsa foni.
Ichi ndi chitsanzo cha kusintha khalidwe. Kwa munthu "wabwino" amalandira mphotho - amapitiriza kukambirana naye. Pakuti "zoipa" zikuyembekezera "chilango" - kulankhulana nthawi yomweyo kumasiya. Nthawi zina, Natalya ankasonyeza mameseji a mwamuna wake kwa anzake kapena achibale ake n’kuwapempha kuti amuyankhe.
Kuyambira pamene anayamba kugwiritsira ntchito njira zisanu ndi ziŵiri zodzitetezera ku chiwawa, ubwenzi wake ndi mwamuna wake wakale wakula. Nthawi zina adatenganso zakale, koma Natalya anali wokonzeka. M'kupita kwa nthawi, anazindikira kuti sangathenso kusokoneza Natalia ndi kukwaniritsa zimene ankafuna mothandizidwa ndi chipongwe. Panalibe chifukwa chochitira zachiwawa tsopano.
Za Katswiri: Kristin Hammond ndi katswiri wazamisala, katswiri wazokangana pabanja, komanso wolemba The Exhausted Woman's Handbook (Xulon Press, 2014).