Palibe choipa kuposa kuperekedwa kwa munthu yemwe, zingawonekere, akanatikonda kwambiri. Penapake mu lingaliro la chikondi pali chikhulupiriro chakuti okwatirana adzatetezana zofuna za wina ndi mzake. Kuti ukonde munthu uyenera kukhulupirira munthuyo, zinthu zimenezi sizimakhala zosavuta. Chotero pamene kukhulupirirana kwaponderezedwa, kupsa mtima kuli njira yachibadwa yodzitetezera. Mmene mungaphunzirire kulamulira maganizo ameneŵa, akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo Janice Wilhauer.
Chilonda chobwera chifukwa chakusakhulupirika nthawi zina chimakoka kwa nthawi yayitali. Ngati musunga chakukhosi, chikhoza kukhala poizoni ndikulepheretsani kupita patsogolo. Mkwiyo wobwera chifukwa cha zochita za munthu wina ukakukanitsani, zikutanthauza kuti iye adakali ndi mphamvu pa moyo wanu. Ndiye mumausiya bwanji mkwiyo?
1. Zindikirani
Mkwiyo ndi mkhalidwe womwe nthawi zambiri umapangitsa anthu kukhala osamasuka. Mungathe kukhala ndi zikhulupiriro zotsatirazi: "Anthu abwino samakwiyitsa", "Mkwiyo siwokopa", "Ndili pamwamba pamaganizo otere". Ena amachita zinthu monyanyira kuti asiye maganizo oipawa. Nthawi zambiri njirazi zimagwirizanitsidwa ndi khalidwe lodziwononga komanso lopanda thanzi. Koma, popewa mkwiyo, samamuthandiza kupita.
Chinthu choyamba chimene mungachite kuti muleke kupsa mtima ndi kuvomereza, kugwirizana nazo. Munthu wina akakuzunzani, kuswa malire ake, kapena kuchita zinthu zokhumudwitsa, muli ndi ufulu womukwiyira. Kukwiya muzochitika izi kumasonyeza kuti muli ndi mlingo woyenera wodzidalira. Dziwani kuti mkwiyo uli pano kuti ukuthandizeni. Zimasonyeza kuti muli mumkhalidwe umene suli wokomera inu. Nthawi zambiri ndi malingaliro omwe amapereka kulimba mtima kuti athetse ubale wosayenera.
2. Fotokozani
Iyi si sitepe yophweka. Mwinamwake munafunikira kupondereza mkwiyo m’mbuyomo kufikira pamene unaphulika m’kuphulika kumodzi kwakukulu. Kenako, munanong’oneza bondo ndipo munalonjeza kuti mudzapitirizabe kumvera chisoni m’tsogolo. Kapena mwadzudzulidwa chifukwa chosonyeza poyera mkwiyo.
Tinene momveka bwino: pali njira zathanzi komanso zosalongosoka zofotokozera zakukhosi. Amene alibe thanzi akhoza kuvulaza inu ndi maubwenzi anu ndi anthu ena. Kusonyeza mkwiyo mwanzeru ndi chinthu chimene ambiri amavutika nacho. Koma kutulutsa mkwiyo ndi mbali yofunika kwambiri yochotsera maganizo oipawo.
Nthawi zina pamafunika kufotokoza zakukhosi mwachindunji kwa munthu winawake. Koma zikafika kwa anthu omwe maubwenzi atha kale, machiritso ndi inu nokha. Kugawana ndi wakale wanu sikofunikira, chifukwa zoona zake n'zakuti simukufunikira kupepesa kuti muchiritse.
Njira yabwino yochotsera mkwiyo wanu ndiyo kuufotokoza papepala. Lembani kalata kwa wakale wanu, auzeni zonse zomwe mukufuna kunena. Osabisa chilichonse chifukwa simudzatumiza meseji. Mkwiyo wamphamvu nthawi zambiri umabisa zowawa zambiri, kotero ngati mukufuna kulira, musabwerere.
Mukamaliza, ikani kalatayo pambali ndipo yesetsani kuchita zinthu zosangalatsa komanso zogwira mtima. Pambuyo pake, ngati mukuonabe kuti n’kofunika, perekani kalatayo kwa munthu amene mumam’khulupirira, monga bwenzi lapamtima kapena dokotala. Mukakonzeka, chotsani uthengawo, kapena chabwino, wonongani.
3. Muzimusankha kukhala munthu payekha
Zomwe munthu amalankhula kapena kuchita nthawi zonse zimakhala za iwo kuposa inu. Ngati mnzanu wakunyengererani, izi sizikutanthauza kuti munali woipa pa chinachake, anangosankha kukhala wosakhulupirika. Kuphunzira kuthetsa mkwiyo kumakhala kosavuta pamene muchotsa malingaliro anu pazochitika zenizeni ndi kuyesa kuyang'ana mkhalidwewo ndi maso a ena okhudzidwa.
Anthu ambiri sadziikira cholinga chokhumudwitsa munthu. Monga lamulo, iwo amachita chinachake, kuyesera kuti amve bwino. Zabwino kapena zoyipa, ndi chikhalidwe cha umunthu kupanga zisankho motengera phindu lanu. Timaganizira chachiwiri momwe izi zingakhudzire ena.
Ndithudi, ichi si chowiringula. Koma nthawi zina kumvetsetsa zomwe munthu wina adatsogolere kungakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa bwino zomwe zidachitika kale komanso osadzitengera nokha. Nthawi zonse n’kosavuta kukhululuka munthu ukamuona kuti ndi wathunthu. Ngati mukuona kuti mukupsa mtima chifukwa cha zimene mnzanuyo anachita kapena sanachite, yesani kubwerera m’mbuyo n’kukumbukira makhalidwe abwino amene munawaona mutangokumana nawo koyamba. Zindikirani kuti tonsefe tili ndi zolakwa ndipo timalakwitsa.
“Chikondi pachokha satipweteka; Yemwe sadziwa kukonda amawawa, "akutero Jay Shetty, wolankhula molimbikitsa.
Wolemba: Janice Wilhauer, Cognitive Psychotherapist, Mtsogoleri wa Psychotherapy ku Emery Clinic.