Momwe mungapulumukire chisudzulo chovuta: Malangizo 5

“Ngati munali paubwenzi wovuta ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, mosakayika mukuyembekezera kuti kusudzulana kudzakhala chipulumutso kwa inu. Chotero, kupsinjika maganizo kumene kudzatsagana ndi chisudzulo kudzakudabwitsani,” akutero katswiri wa zabanja waku California Krysta Dancy. Mudzatopa kwathunthu, mudzazunzidwa ndi nkhawa komanso kupsinjika maganizo.

"Mudzayamba kukayikira kulondola kwa chisankho chanu," akutero wothandizira mabanja Amy Broz. Nthawi zambiri izi ndi zotsatira za nkhanza za m’banja m’banja. Amy Broz ananena kuti: “Si zachilendo kwa makasitomala anga kuona kuti kusudzulana n’kovuta chifukwa chakuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo anazunzidwa mwakuthupi, m’maganizo, kapena m’maganizo.

Kodi tingakhale bwanji odekha pamene kusudzulana kumasintha miyoyo yathu? Nawa malangizo asanu ochokera kwa Christa Dancy ndi Amy Broz.

1. Pangani “gawo lopanda kusudzulana”

Kodi mukuganiza kuti kusudzulana kumafuna chisamaliro chanthawi zonse? Kapena mumaona ngati mukufunika kukhala tcheru nthawi zonse? Christa Dancy anati: “Anthu ambiri amaopa kupeŵa mikangano chifukwa amaganiza kuti zimenezi zingathandize mwamuna kapena mkazi wake wakale kuti apambane.

Pamwamba pa izo (chifukwa cha zamakono zamakono) pali maimelo osatha ndi mauthenga a mauthenga. Mukakhala olumikizidwa nthawi zonse, ndizosatheka kumasuka. Pachifukwachi, malinga ndi Dancy, "kusudzulana kumawononga moyo wanu wonse." N’zosadabwitsa kuti nthawi zonse mumakhala ndi nkhawa komanso nkhawa.

Ndikofunika kukhazikitsa malire abwino. “Mumasudzulana n’cholinga choti munthu ameneyu asakusokonezeni kwambiri pa moyo wanu, mukukumbukira? Nthawi zonse mumakangana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale, mumapitirizabe kukhala naye paubwenzi,” akutero Christa Dancy.

Kodi “gawo lopanda kusudzulana” limatanthauza chiyani? Dancy akulangizani kuti mupatule maola ena omwe mudzathana ndi nkhani zachisudzulo - iyi ikhale nthawi yomwe mumakonzekera bwino m'maganizo ndi m'maganizo kuti mugwire ntchito zofunika. Chabwino, panthawi yopuma ndi bwino kuzimitsa foni ndikuzimitsa zidziwitso za uthenga.

2. Sankhani zolinga zanu ndikuchitapo kanthu

Kodi mukufuna kukwaniritsa chiyani mukathetsa banja? Kodi zotsatira zanu zabwino zimawoneka bwanji? Dancy akulangiza kupanga mndandanda wa zolinga ndi zofunika kwambiri osati kulabadira zinthu zosafunikira zomwe zitha kuyambitsa zonyansa. Mwachitsanzo, zomwe zili zofunika kwambiri kwa inu zingakhale:

- pangani ndondomeko yeniyeni yomwe imatsimikizira kuti ndani ndi liti amene adzakhala ndi udindo kwa mwanayo, kupita naye kusukulu / kunyumba,

- malizitsani chisudzulo mwachangu komanso mopanda ululu momwe mungathere,

- kubwezera mtendere, bata ndi malire oyenera m'moyo wanu.

Pakabuka mkangano wotsatira, dzifunseni kuti: “Kodi mkangano umenewu ukundibweretsa kufupi ndi kukwaniritsa zolinga zanga kapena kundithamangitsa?” Mwanjira iyi mutha kupewa kumenya nkhondo zazing'ono (zomwe zingangowonjezera chipwirikiti m'moyo wanu) ndikusunga mphamvu zanu pazomwe zili zofunika kwambiri. Osagonja ku malingaliro olakwika ndikuwunika mosamala ngati mukuyenda komwe mukufuna.

3. Phunzirani kumasuka

Pezani njira zopumula zokuthandizani kuti mukhazikike mtima pansi ndikuchotsa nkhawa nthawi iliyonse, kulikonse. Kaya ndi njira zakuya zopumula minofu kapena kusinkhasinkha, pali makanema ambiri ophunzitsira pa Youtube. Lowani nawo yoga, yendani mukaweruka kuntchito, pezani chiweto, kapena pezani zosangalatsa zomwe mumakonda.

4. Sankhani mtundu wa kulankhulana (ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale) mukufuna

Sankhani momwe mumamasuka kuyankhulana ndi imodzi mwamalire ofunikira omwe mumayika. Mwachitsanzo, mungaganize zolankhulana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale pongotumiza imelo kuyambira pano. “Mwanjira imeneyi mukhoza kukonzekeratu mwamaganizo nthaŵi zonse ndi kulingalira za yankho lanu,” akutero Dancy. Zingakhalenso bwino kusiya kulankhulana naye kudzera m’mameseji. “Kulankhulana pa mameseji nthawi zambiri kumayambitsa mikangano ndi mikangano, ndipo n’zosatheka kupumako ngakhale madzulo ndi usiku.”

5. Muzichitira ex wanu ngati «zovuta» mnzako

Ngati muli ndi ubale wovuta ndi mnzanu, muyenera kugwirira ntchito limodzi, koma mutha kungolumikizana ndi bizinesi, akutero Dancy. Izi zikutanthauza kuti mumayankha mafunso onse, zopempha ndi zonena momveka bwino komanso momveka bwino, ndipo osalabadira china chilichonse.

Kodi zimawoneka bwanji muzochita? Tayerekezerani kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale wakulemberani uthenga wonena za amene adzawanyamule anawo komanso liti, koma sakutsutsani kangapo kuti muwanyamule. Kuti musalowe nawo mkangano wina, yankhani funso lokhudza ana okha. Kumbukirani kuti kupempha chithandizo ndi chithandizo sichachilendo, tonse timachifuna nthawi ndi nthawi, makamaka panthawi yovuta ngati imeneyi.

“Nthaŵi zina zimapindulitsa kupeza dokotala woyenerera kuti akuthandizeni kuthetsa chisudzulo chovuta,” akutero Broz. Kumbukirani kuti thanzi lanu ndi thanzi lanu ndizofunikira kwambiri.