Paubwenzi, muyenera kukhala okhoza kulolerana. Koma kodi pali kusiyana kotani pakati pa kulolerana ndi kudzimana? Kodi mungamvetse bwanji ngati muli ndi tsogolo ngati banja, ndipo ndi liti pamene kuli bwino kuchoka? Psychotherapist Terry Gaspard akuyankha.
Tiyerekeze kuti n’zoonekeratu kuti maganizo anu amasiyana pa nkhani zofunika kwambiri. Mumamvetsetsa maudindo ndi maudindo mwa okwatirana m'njira zosiyanasiyana, iye sali wokonzeka kuvomereza ana anu, kapena simukugwirizana pachipembedzo ndi ndale. Mukumvetsa izi, koma mumakopeka mosaletseka kwa munthu uyu.
Chabwino, sangalalani ndi mphindiyi, koma kumbukirani: pamene chophimba chakumverera koyambirira ndi kutengeka chikutha, mudzayenera kuthana ndi izi. Ndipo ngakhale mkwiyo wobisika kwa mphaka wanu posachedwa udzasefukira chikho cha kudekha.
Kunyengerera komwe mukumva ngati mukudzitaya nokha ngati munthu kapena kusiya zofuna za omwe mumawakonda kumasokoneza mgwirizanowo ndipo pamapeto pake kuuwononga. Mira Kirshenbaum, wolemba buku lakuti Is He Really the Right One for You?, amapereka njira zisanu zofunika kukuthandizani kuyankha funsoli.
1.Ndinu osavuta kwambiri ndi iye, ngakhale kuti mumadziwana posachedwapa. Oseketsa akamachita nthabwala, ofunda komanso omasuka ali chete. Simuganizira zomwe mumapanga.
2.Mumaona kuti ndinu otetezeka ndi iye. Izi zikutanthauza kuti mnzanuyo ndi wokhwima mokwanira ndipo wakwanitsa kumanga ubale wabwino ndi iyemwini. Chifukwa cha khalidweli, iye sangaphatikizepo inu kuthetsa mavuto amkati. Iye ali ndi chidwi ndi malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu, ndipo simukuopa kuti adzagwiritsa ntchito kusamalidwa kwanu motsutsana nanu.
3. Mumasangalala naye. Kukhoza kukupangitsani kuseka, kukondweretsa modabwitsa, kubwera ndi chinachake chomwe chingakupangitseni kugunda kwa mtima wanu ndi chizindikiro chotsimikizika kuti muli ndi tikiti yamwayi mu lottery yolumikizana ndi mtima. Kutha kusangalatsana kumapangitsa okwatirana kukhala ogwirizana, zomwe zimathandiza kuti apirire mayesero ovuta mosavuta.
4. Mumakopeka ndi wina ndi mnzake.. Mumamva bwino pakama ndipo kuyambira pachiyambi zikuwonekeratu kuti simuyenera kuzolowera ku zizolowezi ndi zizolowezi za wina ndi mnzake, zidagwirizana. Mumakumana ndi kukhudzika ndi chikondi.
5. Mumamulemekeza chifukwa cha makhalidwe amene wasonyeza.. Chemistry iliyonse imafa popanda ulemu.
Kodi mumaona kuti mnzanu watsopano ali pafupi nanu ndipo akufuna kupanga chibwenzi? Kodi mungadziwe bwanji kuti zofuna zanu zikugwirizana?
1. Amasunga mawu ake. Ngati adalonjeza kuti adzayitana, mumva kuitana. Poitana kuti tidzacheze limodzi Loweruka ndi Lamlungu, iye sapereka lipoti panthaŵi yomaliza ya ntchito yofulumira. Mwamuna akakhala ndi chidwi, amachita chilichonse kuti akwaniritse lonjezo lake.
2. Madeti ndi inu ndizofunikira kwambiri. Ngakhale atakhala wotanganidwa kwambiri, amapeza nthawi osati ya mauthenga ndi mafoni okha, komanso misonkhano.
3. Muli pachibwenzi osati kungogonana basi.. Ngati nthawi zambiri amafuna kukuwonani nokha - nthawi zambiri amawona ubale wanu ngati gawo losangalatsa koma losakhalitsa. M’tsogolomu, ubwenzi umenewu udzatha kapena kusanduka mgwirizano waubwenzi, kumene kulankhulana kwaubwenzi kumatanthauzanso kugonana kwa nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi.
4. Amasangalala kulankhula zinthu zimene zimakusangalatsani.. Amakufunsani mafunso okhudza mapulani ndi zomwe amakonda komanso amamvetsera zomwe mumamuuza.
5. Amakuphatikizani m'moyo wake ndikukudziwitsani kwa anthu omwe amawakonda.. Zowona, mkhalidwe umasintha ngati ali ndi ana. Pamenepa, sangafulumire zinthu ndikukudziwitsani kwa mwanayo pamene ali wotsimikiza za tsogolo lanu limodzi.
6.Iye sazengereza kusonyeza chikondi kwa inu. pamaso pa alendo komanso pamaso pa achibale awo kapena mabwenzi.
7.Zimakulitsa kudzidalira kwanu. Munthu amene amakukondani ndi kukuyamikirani amakhala kalirole amene amaonetsa makhalidwe anu abwino kwambiri.
8.Ngati muli ndi ana, iye ndi wokonzeka kukumana nawo.. Inde, msonkhanowu sungathe kuchitika nthawi yomweyo, koma kusowa chidwi ndi kufunitsitsa kuyankhulana ndi mwana wanu kumayambiriro kwenikweni ndi chizindikiro chakuti ubale sudzatha.
9. Amakuphatikizirani inu m’zokonzera Zamtsogolo.. Sizingatheke kuti nthawi yomweyo ayambe kulota za momwe mudzakwatire. Koma ngati adayamba kukonzekera zochitika zazikulu ndi inu, mwachitsanzo, kugula mphatso ndikupita ku tsiku lobadwa la wokondedwa kapena tchuthi limodzi, ndiye kuti wakulowetsani kale muzolemba za moyo wake.
Ngati akunena kuyambira pachiyambi kuti sali wokonzeka kukhala pachibwenzi, ndiye kuti ali. Musakhale pansi pa chinyengo kuti msonkhano udzasintha zonse, izi zidzangokhumudwitsa.
Za Mlembi: Terry Gaspard ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso wolemba nawo buku la Daughters of Divorce.