Zamkatimu
Ndinu ndani? Ndinu chani? Kodi mungadziwonetse bwanji ngati simukuphatikiza mndandanda wa maudindo pakufotokozerako: kholo, mwana wamwamuna kapena wamkazi, mwamuna kapena mkazi, katswiri pa gawo linalake? Anthu ambiri zimawavuta kuyankha funsoli. Chifukwa chiyani izi zikuchitika ndipo mutha kudzidziwa nokha?
Pamene tikukula, kutembenuka kuchoka ku ana kukhala achinyamata, timatengera chidziwitso kuchokera ku dziko lozungulira ife ndikuphunzira kwa anthu ena. Ngati ena atimvera, timazindikira kuti zosoŵa zathu n’zofunika ndipo ifeyo ndife ofunika. Umu ndi momwe timaphunzirira kuti ndife anthu omwe ali ndi malingaliro athu komanso machitidwe athu. Ngati tili ndi mwayi ndi chilengedwe, timakula kukhala akuluakulu omwe ali ndi thanzi labwino. Timaphunzira kuti malingaliro athu ndi malingaliro athu ndi ofunika, timadziwa kuti ndife ndani.
Koma ife amene tinakulira m’malo opanda thanzi amene mwina anali kuzunzidwa mwakuthupi kapena m’maganizo, kunyalanyazidwa, kapena kudzitetezera mopambanitsa tinakula mosiyanasiyana. Ngati malingaliro athu ndi malingaliro athu anyalanyazidwa ndipo zenizeni zathu sizikuvomerezedwa, ngati takhala tikukakamizika kugonjera, monga akuluakulu tikhoza kudabwa kuti ndife ndani.
Kukula, anthu otere amadalira kwambiri malingaliro, malingaliro ndi malingaliro a ena. Amatengera masitayelo a anzawo, amagula magalimoto amene panthaŵi ina amawaona kukhala apamwamba, amachita zinthu zimene iwo sakonda kwenikweni.
Podziwa zomwe tikufuna, tikhoza kusuntha njira yomwe tasankha
Kuchita izi mobwerezabwereza, munthu amavutika maganizo, amakayikira kulondola kwa chisankho changwiro, amadandaula za zomwe moyo wake wakhala. Anthu otere amadziona kuti alibe chochita, ndipo nthawi zina amasowa chiyembekezo. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, maganizo awo aumwini amakhala osakhazikika, ndipo amaleka kudzigwira mowonjezereka.
Tikazindikira bwino lomwe kuti ndife ndani, zimakhala zosavuta kuti tisankhe zochita komanso kukhala ndi moyo wonse. Timakopa anzathu komanso anzathu omwe ali ndi thanzi labwino komanso timakhala nawo paubwenzi wabwino. Kuphunzira ndikumvetsetsa nokha kumakuthandizani kuti mukhale okhutira komanso osangalala. Podziwa zomwe tikufuna, tikhoza kusuntha njira yomwe tasankha.
Psychotherapist Denise Olesky amalankhula za momwe mungadziwire zambiri.
1. Dzidziweni nokha
Yambani ndi mndandanda wa "About me". Pangani mndandanda wawung'ono wa zomwe mumakonda. Poyambira, mfundo zisanu mpaka zisanu ndi ziwiri ndizokwanira: mtundu womwe mumakonda, kukoma kwa ayisikilimu, filimu, mbale, maluwa. Lembani mndandanda watsopano kamodzi kapena kawiri pa sabata, kuphatikizapo zinthu zisanu kapena zisanu ndi ziwiri nthawi iliyonse.
Lembani mndandanda wafungo lomwe mumakonda, monga makeke opangira kunyumba kapena udzu wodulidwa kumene. Mndandanda wa mabuku omwe mumakonda kapena omwe mukufuna kuwerenga. Mndandanda wamasewera apakanema kapena masewera a board omwe mumawakonda muli mwana. Lembani mayiko omwe mukufuna kuwachezera.
Lembani malingaliro anu andale, zomwe mumakonda, njira zomwe mungathe pantchito, ndi china chilichonse chomwe chimakusangalatsani. Ngati mukumva kuti simukukayika, funsani anzanu ndi achibale kuti akupatseni malingaliro. M'kupita kwa nthawi, mudzadzidziwa bwino ndikuyamba kuzindikira umunthu wanu.
2. Mvetserani momwe mukumvera komanso momwe thupi lanu limakhudzira
Mukayamba kuwamvera, malingaliro ndi "zidziwitso" zakuthupi zidzakuthandizani kumvetsetsa zomwe mumakonda komanso zomwe simukuzikonda.
Zomverera ndi zomveka zimatha kunena zambiri za malingaliro athu ndi zokonda zathu. Kodi mumamva bwanji mukamajambula, kusewera masewera, kulankhulana ndi ena? Kodi ndinu osangalala? Kodi ndinu otopa kapena omasuka? Nchiyani chimakupangitsani inu kuseka ndi chimene chimakupangitsani inu kulira?
3. Yambani kupanga zisankho
Kupanga zisankho ndi luso lomwe limakula pakapita nthawi. Imafunika kupopa ngati minofu kuti ikule bwino ndikukhalabe bwino.
Mukamayitanitsa zogulira banja lonse, musaiwale kugula zomwe mumakonda. Onjezani t-sheti yomwe mumakonda kuchokera kusitolo yapaintaneti, ngakhale simukutsimikiza kuti ena avomereza zomwe mwasankha. Mnzanu kapena mnzanu akakufunsani nthawi yomwe mukufuna kuyamba kuwonera pulogalamuyo, perekani malingaliro anu m'malo mongosiya kusankha.
4. Yambani inuyo kuchitapo kanthu
Mukazindikira zomwe mukufuna, yambani kukonza zochita zoyenera kamodzi kapena kawiri pa sabata. Dzikhazikitseni tsiku pokonzekera tsiku labwino. Sinkhasinkhani, onerani kanema watsopano, sambani momasuka.
Chinthu chachikulu ndicho kuchitapo kanthu. Pomaliza yambani kuchita zomwe mumakonda, pang'onopang'ono pafupi ndi inuyo weniweni.
Za wolemba: Denise Oleski ndi psychotherapist.