Kuti tikhale ndi ubwenzi wabwino ndi wokhutiritsa, m’pofunika kudziwa ngati timakondadi munthu kapena kumumvera chisoni. Izi zidzathandiza onse, psychotherapist Irina Belousova ndi wotsimikiza.
Sitiganizira kawirikawiri za chifundo kwa wokondedwa. Nthawi zambiri sitikuzindikira kumverera uku. Choyamba, timamvera chisoni mnzanuyo kwa zaka zingapo, ndiyeno timazindikira kuti chinachake chikuyenda bwino. Ndipo pambuyo pake timadzifunsa funso: "Kodi ichi ndi chikondi konse?" Timayamba kuganiza za chinachake, kuyang'ana zambiri pa Webusaiti ndipo, ngati tili ndi mwayi, timapita kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo. Pambuyo pa izi, ntchito yaikulu yamaganizo imayamba, yomwe ingathandize kuyang'ana moona mtima momwe timakhalira ndi wokondedwa, komanso kupeza zifukwa ndi zofunikira zomwe zinayambitsa izi.
Chikondi ndi chiyani?
Chikondi chimatanthauza kuthekera ndi chikhumbo cha kupereka ndi kulandira. Kusinthanitsa kwenikweni kumatheka pokhapokha ngati tikuwona kuti mnzanuyo ali wofanana ndi ife eni ndipo panthawi imodzimodziyo amamuvomereza monga momwe aliri, osati "kusinthidwa" mothandizidwa ndi malingaliro ake.
Muubwenzi wa anthu ofanana, ndi zachilendo kusonyeza chifundo, chifundo. Kuthandiza m’mavuto ndi mbali yofunika kwambiri ya unansi wabwino, koma pali mzere wabwino pakati pa kufuna kuthandiza ndi kukhala wolamulira kotheratu kwa winayo. Ndi kulamulira uku ndi umboni kuti sitikonda, koma chifundo wokondedwa wathu.
Kuwonetsera chifundo koteroko kumatheka kokha mu ubale wa kholo ndi mwana: ndiye munthu wachifundo amatenga udindo wothetsera mavuto a winayo, osaganizira zoyesayesa zomwe mnzanuyo amapanga kuti apeze njira yothetsera vutolo. Koma maubwenzi, makamaka ogonana, "amasweka" pamene okwatirana amayamba kuchita zinthu zosayenera - makamaka udindo wa mwana ndi kholo.
chifundo ndi chiyani?
Chisoni kwa mnzako ndi repressed nkhanza kuti amaoneka chifukwa sitizindikira nkhawa pakati maganizo athu. Tithokoze kwa iye, lingaliro lake la uXNUMXbuXNUMXbzomwe zikuchitika lidamangidwa m'mutu mwake, ndipo nthawi zambiri zimafanana kwenikweni ndi zenizeni.
Mwachitsanzo, m'modzi mwa okondedwa ake sathana ndi ntchito za moyo wake, ndipo mnzake wachiwiri, yemwe amamumvera chisoni, amapanga chithunzi chabwino cha wokondedwa wake m'mutu mwake. Amene amanong'oneza bondo sazindikira mwa winayo munthu wamphamvu, wokhoza kulimbana ndi zovuta, koma panthawi imodzimodziyo amawopa kuti angasiyane naye. Panthawi imeneyi, amayamba kukondweretsa mnzake wofooka.
Mkazi amene amachitira chifundo mwamuna wake ali ndi zonyenga zambiri zomwe zimamuthandiza kusunga ndi kusunga chithunzi cha munthu wabwino. Amakondwera ndi mfundo yaukwati - mwamuna wake, mwina osati wopambana, "koma wanga." Monga ngati kudzimva ngati mkazi wachigololo, wovomerezeka ndi anthu, zimadalira iye yekha. Ndi mwamuna wake yekha amene amamufuna ngati "mayi" wachifundo. Ndipo amafuna kukhulupirira kuti iye ndi mkazi. Ndipo awa ndi maudindo osiyanasiyana, maudindo osiyanasiyana.
Zimakhalanso zopindulitsa kwa mwamuna wokwatira amene amanong’oneza bondo kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wake anachita monga kholo kwa mnzake amene walephera kumulipira. Iye ndi wozunzidwa (wa moyo, ena), ndipo iye ndi wopulumutsa. Amamumvera chisoni, amamuteteza ku zovuta zosiyanasiyana ndikudyetsa ego yake motere. Chithunzi cha zomwe zikuchitika kachiwiri chikusokonekera: akukhulupirira kuti atenga udindo wa munthu wamphamvu, koma kwenikweni si "abambo", koma ... mayi. Ndipotu, ndi amayi omwe nthawi zambiri amapukuta misozi yawo, kuwamvera chisoni, kuwakakamiza pazifuwa zawo ndikudzitsekera kudziko lachidani.
Ndani amakhala mkati mwa ine?
Tonse tili ndi mwana wamkati yemwe amafunikira chifundo. Mwanayu sangathe kupirira yekha ndipo akufunitsitsa kufunafuna munthu wamkulu, yemwe angathe kusamalira chilichonse. Funso lokhalo ndiloti ndi nthawi ziti zomwe timabweretsa mtundu uwu wa moyo wathu, ndikuupereka kwaulere. Kodi "masewera" awa sakhala mawonekedwe a moyo wathu?
Udindo umenewu ulinso ndi makhalidwe abwino. Zimapereka zida zopangira komanso kusewera, zimapereka mwayi wodzimva kuti ndi wokondedwa, kuti mumve kupepuka kwa kukhala. Koma alibe mphamvu yothetsa mavuto ndi kutenga udindo pa moyo wake.
Ndi mbali yathu ya munthu wamkulu, yathayo imene imasankha kusintha moyo wathu kaamba ka chifundo cha ena kapena kusatero.
Nthawi yomweyo, aliyense ali ndi mtundu womwe udawonetsedwa kale kuti athetse mavuto omwe adabuka. Mumkhalidwe wovuta, kudalira pa iye kudzakhala kolimbikitsa kwambiri kuposa munthu wofunikira chifundo. Kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa matembenuzidwewa ndikuti wina nthawi zonse amatenga udindo wopanga chisankho, pomwe winayo sangayime ndikupotoza zenizeni zathu, kumafuna kuti timusankhire chilichonse.
Koma kodi maudindo amenewa angasinthidwe? Pezani kukumbatirana, kubweretsa gawo la ana patsogolo, lekani m'nthawi ndikudziwuza nokha kuti: "Ndizo, ndili ndi chikondi chokwanira kuchokera kwa achibale anga, tsopano ndipita kukathetsa mavuto anga ndekha?
Tikaganiza zosiya udindo, timataya mphamvu ndi ufulu. Timasanduka mwana, kutenga udindo wa wozunzidwayo. Kodi ana ali ndi chiyani kupatula zoseweretsa? Kuledzera basi ndipo palibe phindu lalikulu. Komabe, chosankha cha kaya kukhala chosinthana ndi chifundo kapena ayi chimapangidwa ndi ife ndi achikulire athu okha.
Tsopano, pomvetsa kusiyana pakati pa chikondi chenicheni ndi chifundo, ndithudi sitidzalakwitsana wina ndi mnzake. Ndipo ngati timvetsetsa kuti maudindo mu ubale wathu ndi mnzathu amamangidwa molakwika kapena amasokonezeka pakapita nthawi, chinthu chabwino kwambiri chomwe tingachite ndikupita kwa katswiri. Adzakuthandizani kulingalira zonsezi, kutembenuza ntchito yopeza ubale wanu weniweni ndi mnzanuyo kukhala njira yapadera yophunzirira.