Zikuoneka kuti popeza munakulakwiridwa, ndiye kuti zili kwa inu kusankha kukhululukira munthu kapena kumupepesa kangapo. Koma kwenikweni, zonse ndizovuta kwambiri. Ngati mukufuna kukhalabe paubwenzi ndi wolakwayo, ndiye kuti simungakane kumukhululukira, mwinamwake mwayi wanu woyanjanitsa udzakhala zero.
Mfundo imeneyi inafikiridwa ndi akatswiri a zamaganizo a ku Australia, amene nkhani yake inafalitsidwa m’magazini yotchedwa Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin..
Michael Tai wa ku yunivesite ya Queensland ndi anzake anachita zoyesera zinayi zamaganizo. Poyamba, otenga nawo mbali adafunsidwa kukumbukira zochitika zomwe adakhumudwitsa wina, ndiyeno nkupepesa moona mtima kwa wozunzidwayo. Theka la ophunzirawo anayenera kufotokoza molemba molemba mmene anamvera pamene chikhululukiro chinalandiridwa, ndipo ena onsewo pamene sanakhululukidwe.
Zinapezeka kuti anthu amene sanakhululukidwe ankaona zimene munthu wochitiridwayo anachita ndi kuphwanya kwambiri miyambo ya anthu. Kukana “kukhululuka ndi kuiŵala” kunapangitsa olakwawo kumva ngati akulephera kuugwira mtima.
Chifukwa cha zimenezi, wolakwayo ndi wozunzidwayo anasinthana maudindo: amene poyamba anachita zinthu mopanda chilungamo ankaona kuti wolakwiridwayo ndi iyeyo, kuti wakhumudwa. Zikatero, mwayi wothetsa mkanganowo mwamtendere umakhala wochepa - "wolakwiridwa" amanong'oneza bondo kuti adapempha chikhululukiro ndipo sakufuna kupirira wozunzidwayo.
Zotsatira zomwe zinapezedwa zinatsimikiziridwa panthawi ya mayesero ena atatu. Monga momwe olembawo amanenera, kupepesa kwenikweni kwa wolakwirayo kumabweretsa mphamvu pazochitikazo m'manja mwa wozunzidwayo, yemwe angamukhululukire kapena kumusungira chakukhosi. Pamapeto pake, ubale wapakati pa anthu ukhoza kuthetsedwa kwamuyaya.
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