Zamkatimu
Kudzipatula mokakamizika kunakhala chiyeso chovuta kwa mabanja ambiri, ngakhale omwe amalamulira mgwirizano ndi kumvetsetsana. Koma bwanji za iwo omwe adzipeza kuti atsekeredwa m'malo okhala ndi narcissist - mwachitsanzo, mnzawo kapena mnzake wanthawi yayitali? Katswiri wa zamaganizo Kristin Hammond akufotokoza ndi chitsanzo chenicheni cha moyo.
Atangokwatirana kumene, Maria anayamba kuzindikira kuti mwamuna wake anali munthu wamatsenga weniweni. Poyamba, iye anatenga khalidwe lake kwa infantilism, koma pambuyo pa kubadwa kwa mwana, ubale m'banja anayamba kutentha. Bambo wamng'onoyo analibe chiyanjano chokwanira ndi mwanayo, chifukwa chake adakhala wovuta komanso wodzikonda. Nthaŵi zambiri Mariya ankaona kuti mwamuna wake ndi mwana wake akupikisana naye.
Ngati iye anasamalira kwambiri mwanayo, zomwe ziri zachibadwa, makamaka m'miyezi yoyamba pambuyo pa kubadwa kwake, mwamuna wake anayamba kumukwiyira, kumudzudzula, kumuchititsa manyazi komanso kumunyoza. Panalibe chithandizo chozungulira nyumba kuchokera kwa iye, ndipo pambali pake, adamulepheretsa kupeza bajeti ya banja ndipo sanakhululukire kulakwitsa pang'ono.
Mliri wa coronavirus utayamba, mwamuna wa Maria, monga ena ambiri, adasamutsidwa kukagwira ntchito kunyumba. Nthawi zonse kukhalapo kwa mkazi wake «pambali pake» mofulumira kwambiri anayamba kukwiyitsa iye, zofuna pa iye anakula exponentially: kuti iye tiyi kapena khofi, kudabwa iye ndi mbale watsopano chakudya chamadzulo ... Maria anamva atsekeredwa. Kodi chingachitike n’chiyani ngati zinthu zitatero?
1. Phunzirani kumvetsetsa khalidwe la munthu wamatsenga
Sikokwanira kudziwa tanthauzo la mawu akuti «narcissism» - kukhala ndi munthu woteroyo, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa momwe psyche yake imagwirira ntchito. Kuti muchite izi, muyenera kuchita nawo maphunziro aumwini nthawi zonse.
Maria anayenera kuphunzira kupeza nthawi pakati pa ma feed kuti awerenge nkhani komanso kumvetsera ma podikasiti onena za narcissism. Pamene anayamba kumvetsa bwino zimene zinali kuchitika, sanaonekenso kuti posachedwapa ayamba misala chifukwa cha zizoloŵezi za mwamuna wake.
2. Musamayembekezere kusintha
Narcissist sangathe kumvetsetsa kuti ndiye vuto (ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu za narcissism). Nthawi zonse amadziona kuti ndi wabwino komanso woposa ena. Osayembekeza kuti izi zisintha, chiyembekezo chabodza chimangoyambitsa mavuto ena.
Maria anasiya kuyembekezera kuti mwamuna wake ayambe kusintha, ndipo anayamba kumukaniza. Mwachitsanzo, nthawi zonse anayamba kutchula kwa iye monga chitsanzo cha mwamuna wosamala ndi wachikondi wa bwenzi lake, mwamuna wachitsanzo chabwino wa banja ndi atate wabwino, kuputa mwamuna wake ku mpikisano.
3. Musadzitaye nokha
Narcissists amatha kutembenuza ena pang'onopang'ono kukhala ofanana nawo. Amatsimikiza kuti anthu ena adzakhala bwino ngati akuwatsanzira. Kuti musataye nokha pansi pa zovuta zoterezi, ndikofunika kumvetsetsa bwino zomwe zikuchitika. Sikophweka kukana, koma ndizotheka.
Maria anazindikira kuti wasiya pafupifupi makhalidwe ake onse kuti akondweretse mwamuna wake. Anaganiza zoyambiranso makhalidwe ake onse oponderezedwa.
4. Samalani ku zolinga zanu ndi mfundo zanu
Narcissists amayembekeza kuti aliyense wowazungulira azingoganizira zofuna zawo popanda mawu, amangofuna chinachake ndikupereka ndemanga zonyoza. Kuti mupulumuke mumlengalenga wotero, mukufunikira zolinga zanu, mfundo ndi mfundo zanu, popanda maganizo a narcissist. Chifukwa cha iwo, mudzatha kukhala ndi malingaliro athanzi pa moyo komanso kudzidalira kokwanira, mosasamala kanthu za chikoka cha narcissist.
5. Khazikitsani Malire Osaonekera
Ngati muyesa kukhazikitsa malire olimba paubwenzi ndi narcissist, nthawi zonse amawayesa kuti akhale ndi mphamvu, akuwawona ngati zovuta. M’malo mwake, mungaikire ziletso zoonekeratu, monga: “Ngati andinyenga, ndidzam’siya” kapena “Sindidzalekerera chiwawa.”
Maria adapeza mwayi wosamalira mwanayo tsiku lonse, ndikulonjeza mwamuna wake kuphika chakudya kamodzi patsiku, madzulo.
6. Osawotcha mpweya
Kuunikira kwa gasi ndi mtundu wankhanza wamaganizidwe omwe narcissists amakonda. Amanyalanyaza zenizeni ndikufotokozera zochitika zawo zopeka, zomwe zimatipangitsa kudzikayikira tokha komanso momwe timaonera zenizeni. Pofuna kuthana ndi izi, ndi bwino kusunga diary.
Mwachitsanzo, ngati narcissist anapanga mkangano pa «osayamika» achibale pa holide, mukhoza kulemba zimene zinachitika mu buku lanu. M’tsogolomu akadzayamba kunena kuti achibale amenewa ndi amene anayamba kumuchitira chipongwe, mudzakhala mutalemba umboni wa zochitika zenizeni.
Nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi Maria ankayang’ana zolemba zake, kudzipenda. Zimenezi zinam’patsa chidaliro cholankhulana ndi mwamuna wake.
7. Pezani munthu wokuthandizani.
Ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndi wosuta, m’pofunika kuti mukhale ndi mwayi wokambirana ndi munthu wina mavuto anu a m’banja. Izi zikhoza kukhala bwenzi lapamtima kapena katswiri wa zamaganizo, koma osati wachibale. Ndikofunikiranso kuti asamangolumikizana ndi mnzanuyo. Maria anali ndi bwenzi limene nthawi zonse linali lokonzeka kumumvetsera ndi kumuthandiza.
Ngakhale kuti kunali kovuta kumayambiriro kwa kuika kwaokha anthu mokakamizidwa, patapita nthawi, Maria adatha kupanga moyo womwe umamuyenerera. Anazindikira kuti akamamvetsetsa bwino tanthauzo la nkhanza za mwamuna wake, mawonetseredwe otere a khalidwe lake amasokoneza moyo wake.
Za wolemba: Kristin Hammond, psychotherapist.