Nkhani ya Codependency: Nthawi Yakwana Yodzilekanitsa ndi Ena ndi Momwe Mungachitire

"Pali okonda amuna kapena akazi okhaokha - anthu omwe amayesetsa kuthandiza aliyense muzochitika zilizonse. Paokha, kunja kwa zochita zawo, samamva kuti ndi ofunika, "alemba a Valentina Moskalenko, katswiri wa zamaganizo wazaka 2019, m'buku lakuti "I Have My Own Script" (Nikeya, 50). - Anthu otere nthawi zambiri amadyeredwa masuku pamutu - kuntchito komanso m'banja.

Pali atsikana okongola, omvera komanso achifundo omwe amakwatiwa ndi amuna awo okondedwa ndipo amawopa amuna awa: amapirira mphamvu zawo zolamulira, chonde muzonse, ndi kulandira ulemu ndi kunyozedwa pobwezera. Pali amuna odabwitsa, anzeru komanso osamala omwe amakumana ndi akazi ozizira, opusa, komanso omvetsa chisoni panjira. Ndinadziŵa mwamuna wina amene anakwatiwa kanayi, ndipo osankhidwa ake onse anali kuledzera. Ndi zophweka?

Koma zochitika zonsezi zitha kuneneratu, ndipo makamaka - kuchenjezedwa. Mukhoza kutsatira ndondomeko. Ndipo malamulo osalembedwawa amabadwa muubwana, pamene ife timapangidwa monga munthu payekha. Sititenga zolembedwa m'mitu yathu - timaziwona, zimaperekedwa kwa ife monga nkhani zabanja ndi zithunzi.

Timauzidwa za makhalidwe ndi tsogolo la makolo athu. Ndipo tikamamva kuchokera kwa olosera za temberero la banja, ife, ndithudi, sitimakhulupirira mawuwa kwenikweni. Koma, kwenikweni, kamangidwe kameneka kali ndi lingaliro la zochitika za m’banja.

Valentina Moskalenko akukhulupirira kuti: “Kupwetekedwa mtima ndi maganizo olakwika kungapezekenso m’banja lachitsanzo chabwino, mmene munali atate ndi amayi achikondi. Zimachitika, palibe amene ali wangwiro! Mayi wozizira maganizo, kuletsa madandaulo, misozi, ndipo kawirikawiri malingaliro amphamvu kwambiri, alibe ufulu wa kukhala wofooka, kuyerekezera kosalekeza ndi ena monga njira yolimbikitsira mwana. Kusalemekeza maganizo ake ndi kachigawo kakang'ono chabe ka mtsinje waukuluwo, wosefukira wa zida zakupha zomwe zimapanga munthu.

Zizindikiro za kudalirana

Nazi zizindikiro zomwe kudalira kungathe kudziwika. Adanenedwa ndi akatswiri azamisala Berry ndi Jenny Weinhold, ndipo Valentina Moskalenko adatchulidwa koyamba m'bukuli:

• Kudzimva wodalira anthu
• Kudzimva kuti watsekeredwa muubwenzi wonyozeka, wolamulira;
• Kudziyang'anira pansi;
• Kufunika kwa chivomerezo chokhazikika ndi chithandizo kuchokera kwa ena kuti mumve kuti zonse zikuyenda bwino kwa inu;
• Kufuna kulamulira ena;
• Kudzimva wopanda mphamvu zosintha chilichonse muubwenzi wovuta womwe ukuwononga;
• Kufunika kwa mowa / chakudya / ntchito kapena zolimbikitsa zakunja zomwe zimasokoneza zochitika;
• Kusatsimikizika kwa malire amalingaliro;
• Kudzimva ngati wofera chikhulupiriro
• Kumverera ngati wonyoza;
• Kulephera kukhala ndi malingaliro a ubwenzi weniweni ndi chikondi.

M’mawu ena, kunena mwachidule zonse zimene zili pamwambazi, munthu wodalira pawokha amakhala wotanganidwa kwambiri ndi kulamulira khalidwe la wokondedwa wake, ndipo samasamala n’komwe zokhutiritsa zofuna zake, akutero Valentina Moskalenko. Anthu otere nthawi zambiri amadziona ngati ozunzidwa - ndi ena, zochitika, nthawi ndi malo.

Wolembayo anagwira mawu a Joseph Brodsky kuti: “Mkhalidwe wa wogwiriridwayo suli wopanda chikoka. Amabweretsa chifundo, amapatsa kusiyanitsa. Ndipo mayiko ndi makontinenti onse amasangalala ndi kuchotsera kwamalingaliro komwe kumaperekedwa ngati chidziwitso cha wozunzidwa ... ".

Zochitika za Codependency

Chifukwa chake tiyeni tidutse zina mwazolemba za codependency ndikuyang'ana "antidote".

Kufunitsitsa kulamulira miyoyo ya ena. Akazi odalirana, amuna, amayi, abambo, alongo, abale, ana ali otsimikiza kuti ali ndi ulamuliro pa chirichonse. Pamene chipwirikiti chikachulukira mu ufumu wawo, m'pamenenso amakhala ndi chikhumbo chofuna kusunga ma levers a mphamvu. Amadziŵa bwino koposa aliyense mmene ziŵalo zina zabanja ziyenera kukhalira, ndi kukhaladi ndi moyo.

Zida zawo: kuwopseza, kukakamiza, kukakamiza, malangizo omwe amatsindika kusathandiza kwa ena. “Mukapanda kuloŵa ku yunivesite imeneyi, mundiswa mtima!” Poopa kulephera kudziletsa, iwo, modabwitsa, amagwera pansi pa chisonkhezero cha okondedwa.

Kuopa moyo. Zochita zambiri za odalirana zimalimbikitsidwa ndi mantha - kugundana ndi zenizeni, kusiyidwa ndi kukanidwa, zochitika zazikulu, kutaya mphamvu pa moyo. Chotsatira chake, kusazindikira kumawoneka, petrification ya thupi ndi moyo, chifukwa mwanjira ina munthu ayenera kukhala ndi nkhawa nthawi zonse, ndipo chipolopolo ndi njira yabwino kwambiri ya izi.

Kapena malingaliro amasokonekera: mkazi wodalira mnzake amafuna kukhala wachifundo, wachikondi, wofewa, ndipo mkati mwake mkwiyo ndi chakukhosi kwa mwamuna wake zimakwiya. Ndipo tsopano mkwiyo wake mosazindikira umasintha kukhala kudzikuza, kudzidalira, akufotokoza Valentina Moskalenko.

Mkwiyo, mlandu, manyazi. O, awa ndi malingaliro "okondedwa" a odalira! Mkwiyo umawathandiza kuti asamacheze ndi munthu amene zimavuta kupanga naye ubwenzi. "Ndakwiya - zikutanthauza kuti achoka!" Sadzikwiyira okha - amakwiya. Sakhumudwitsidwa - ndi munthu amene amawakhumudwitsa. Sali ndi udindo chifukwa cha kukwiya kwawo, koma munthu wina. Ndi kuchokera kwa iwo kuti mumatha kumva kufotokozera za nkhanza zakuthupi - "Munandikwiyitsa!".

Kuthwanima, amatha kugunda wina kapena kuswa chinachake. Amakhala odzida mosavuta, koma amakankhira ena. Koma ife eni nthawi zonse timakhala magwero a malingaliro athu. Momwe timafunira kupatsira "batani lofiira" la machitidwe athu kwa wina.

“Ife akatswiri amisala tili ndi lamulo ili: ngati mukufuna kumvetsetsa momwe munthu amadzimvera, mvetserani mosamala, osamudula mawu, zomwe akunena za anthu ena. Ngati amalankhula za udani aliyense, ndiye amadzichitira chimodzimodzi, "analemba motero Valentina Moskalenko.

Vuto la ubwenzi. Mwaubwenzi, mlembi wa bukhuli amamvetsetsa maubwenzi achikondi, apamtima, owona mtima. Sikuti amangokhalira kugonana. Maubwenzi pakati pa makolo ndi ana, pakati pa mabwenzi angakhale apamtima. Ndipo ndi izi, anthu ochokera m'mabanja osokonekera amakhala ndi mavuto. Iwo sadziwa kutsegula, kapena, atatsegula, iwo eni amawopa kuwona mtima kwawo ndikuthawa kapena "kugunda kumbuyo" ndi mawu, kupanga chotchinga. Ndipo kotero inu mukhoza kudutsa zizindikiro zonse. Koma momwe mungachokere muzochitika zapoizoni?

Chithandizo cha codependency

Akatswiri a zamaganizo samapereka malangizo - amapereka ntchito. Valentina Moskalenko amapereka ntchito zambiri m'bukuli. Ndipo zolimbitsa thupi zofananira zitha kuchitidwa molingana ndi zizindikiro zonse za kudalira komwe mwapeza mwa inu nokha. Tiyeni tipereke zitsanzo.

Zolimbitsa thupi za opambana. Ana amafuna kutamandidwa ndi makolo awo, ndipo zimenezi n’zachibadwa, akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo. Koma akapanda kuyamikiridwa, m’mitima mwawo muli dzenje. Ndipo akuyesera kudzaza dzenje ili ndi zopambana. Amapanga "miliyoni ina" kuti angopereka ulemu wawo wamkati.

Ngati mukuganiza kuti moyo wanu wakhala mpikisano wopambana, ngati mukuyembekezerabe kuzindikirika ndi chikondi m'gawoli, lembani mawu ochepa ponena za mbali za moyo wanu zomwe khalidweli linadziwonetsera. Nanga zinthu zili bwanji masiku ano? Werengani zomwe zinachitika. Dzifunseni nokha: kodi izi ndi chisankho changa chozindikira?

Kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kwa overprotective. Ngati mukukayikira kuti mukufunika kuda nkhawa kwambiri ndi ena kuti mulandire kuvomerezedwa ndi chikondi, lembani madera a moyo wanu momwe chikhumbochi chidadziwonetsera. Kodi mukupitirizabe kusamalira ena ngakhale tsopano pamene iwo eni angathe kupirira mavuto awo osakuitanani kuti muwathandize? Afunseni kuti akufuna thandizo lanji kwa inu? Mudzadabwa kuti kusowa kwawo kwa inu kunakokomeza kwambiri ndi inu.

Zolimbitsa thupi kwa ozunzidwa. Pakati pa anthu ochokera m’mabanja amene ali ndi mavuto, pali anthu amene kudziona kuti n’ngofunika ndiponso kudzilemekeza n’kogwirizana mwachindunji ndi kuchuluka kwa masautso ndi mavuto amene akumana nawo. Kuyambira ali mwana, amachitidwa popanda ulemu, malingaliro awo ndi zokhumba zawo zilibe kanthu. "Khala ndi wanga, ndiye udzatsutsa!" bambo akuwa.

Kudzichepetsa ndi kuleza mtima komwe amapirira nako kuzunzika kumalola mwanayo kukhala motetezeka - "sakwera pampando, koma akulira mwakachetechete pakona," akufotokoza Valentina Moskalenko. Kupirira m’malo mochitapo kanthu ndiko mkhalidwe wa “ana otayika” oterowo m’tsogolo.

Ngati mukumva kuti mumakonda njira yotereyi, ku malo a munthu wozunzidwa kuti mulandire kuvomerezedwa ndi chikondi, fotokozani momwe zidawonekera komanso momwe zidawonekera. Kodi mukukhala ndi kumva bwanji tsopano? Kodi mukufuna kukhalabe mumkhalidwe wamakono kapena mukufuna kusintha china chake?