Zamkatimu
Monga gogo wongopangidwa kumene, mungaone mwaukali kuti zinthu zambiri simungathe kuzilamulira. Koma momwe mungasinthire ku gawo lanu latsopanolo ndi mndandanda wa malamulo zidzatsimikizira zomwe zidzachitike m'mutu wodabwitsa uwu wa moyo wanu. Kuti mumadziwa luso lokhala agogo makamaka zimatengera thanzi lamalingaliro la adzukulu anu ndi mtundu wa anthu omwe amakhala.
1. Konzani mikangano yakale
Kuti mupambane pa udindo wanu watsopano, muyenera kukwirira, kuthetsa nkhani za ubale ndi ana anu, ndi kuchotsa malingaliro olakwika omwe mwina akhala akukulirakulira kwa zaka zambiri.
Ganizirani zonena zonse, tsankho, nsanje. Sikuchedwa kuyesa kuthetsa mikangano yakale, kuyambira mikangano yayikulu mpaka kusamvetsetsana wamba. Cholinga chanu ndi mtendere wosatha. Ndi njira iyi yokha yomwe mungathe kukhala gawo la moyo wa mdzukulu wanu, ndipo pamene akukula, khalani chitsanzo cha ubale wabwino pakati pa okondedwa.
“Mpongozi wanga wamkazi nthaŵi zonse anali kundiikira malamulo ambiri,” akukumbukira motero Maria wazaka 53 zakubadwa. “Ndinaipidwa ndi maganizo ake. Kenako mdzukulu wanga anatulukira. Nthawi yoyamba imene ndinamugwira m’manja mwanga, ndinadziwa kuti ndiyenera kusankha zochita. Panopa ndimamwetulira mlamu wanga kaya ndikugwirizana naye kapena ayi, chifukwa sindikufuna kuti akhale ndi chifukwa chonditsekera kutali ndi mdzukulu wake. Anali ndi zaka zitatu pamene tinali kunyamuka kuchokera m’chipinda chapansi ndipo mwadzidzidzi anagwira dzanja langa. “Ndikugwira dzanja lako osati chifukwa chakuti ndikulifuna,” iye anatero monyadira, “koma chifukwa chakuti ndimalikonda. Nthawi ngati imeneyi ndi yoyenera kuluma lilime lako. "
2. Muzilemekeza malamulo a ana anu
Kubadwa kwa mwana kumasintha chilichonse. Zingakhale zovuta kugwirizana ndi mfundo yakuti tsopano muyenera kusewera ndi malamulo a ana anu (ndi mpongozi kapena mpongozi), koma malo anu atsopano amakuuzani kuti muzitsatira chitsanzo chawo. Ngakhale mdzukulu wanu atakuchezerani, musamachite mosiyana. Ana anu ndi abwenzi awo ali ndi malingaliro awoawo, malingaliro awo, machitidwe ndi kalembedwe ka makolo. Alekeni adziikire okha malire a mwanayo.
Kulera ana m'zaka za zana la XNUMX ndizosiyana ndi momwe zidalili kale. Makolo amakono amajambula zambiri kuchokera pa intaneti, malo ochezera a pa Intaneti ndi mabwalo. Malangizo anu angaoneke ngati achikale, ndipo mwina ndi otero. Agogo anzeru amachita zinthu mosamala ndipo mozindikira amalemekeza malingaliro atsopano, osazoloŵereka.
Adziwitseni makolo atsopano kuti mukuzindikira mmene alili amantha pompano, mmene alili otopa, ndi kuti kholo lirilonse loda nkhaŵa limamva chimodzimodzi. Khalani okoma mtima, lolani kupezeka kwanu kuwathandiza kuti apumule pang'ono. Izi zidzakhudza mwanayo, yemwenso adzakhala wodekha. Kumbukirani kuti mdzukulu wanu amapambana pamakhalidwe anu.
3. Musalole kudzikuza kwanu kukulepheretsani
Timamva chisoni ngati mawu athu sakhalanso amphamvu monga kale, koma ziyembekezo ziyenera kusinthidwa. Pamene (ndipo) mupereka uphungu, musawakakamize. Chabwino, dikirani kufunsidwa.
Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti agogo akagwira mdzukulu wawo kwa nthawi yoyamba, amagonja ndi “hormone ya chikondi” oxytocin. Zofananazo zimachitika m'thupi la mayi wamng'ono yemwe akuyamwitsa. Izi zikutanthauza kuti ubale wanu ndi mdzukulu wanu ndi wofunika kwambiri. Ndikofunikiranso kumvetsetsa kuti tsopano ndinu woyang'anira wamkulu, osati wamkulu. Muyenera kuvomereza, chifukwa adzukulu amakufunani.
Oimira achikulire amapereka chiyanjano ndi zakale ndikuthandizira kupanga umunthu wa mdzukulu.
Kafukufuku amene anachitika pa yunivesite ya Oxford anasonyeza kuti ana amene amaleredwa ndi agogo awo amakhala osangalala. Kuonjezera apo, amakumana mosavuta ndi zotsatira za zochitika zovuta monga kulekana kwa makolo ndi matenda. Komanso, oimira achikulire amapereka chiyanjano ndi zakale ndikuthandizira kupanga umunthu wa mdzukulu.
Lisa anali mwana woyamba wa awiri opambana, choncho otanganidwa kwambiri maloya. Azichimwene ake aja anamunyoza kwambiri mtsikanayo moti anasiya kuphunzira chilichonse. “Agogo anga anandipulumutsa,” mtsikanayo anavomereza mlungu umodzi asanalandire udokotala wake. “Ankakhala nane pansi kwa maola ambiri n’kumaseŵera maseŵera amene sindinayesepo kuphunzirapo. Ndinaganiza kuti ndinali wopusa kwambiri kaamba ka zimenezi, koma iye anali woleza mtima, anandilimbikitsa, ndipo sindinalinso ndi mantha kuphunzira china chatsopano. Ndinayamba kudzikhulupirira chifukwa agogo anga anandiuza kuti ndikhoza kuchita chilichonse ngati nditayesetsa.”
Kuzolowerana ndi ntchito yachilendo ya agogo sikophweka, nthawi zina kumakhala kosasangalatsa, koma nthawi zonse ndikofunikira kuyesetsa!
Wolemba: Leslie Schweitzer-Miller, psychiatrist ndi psychoanalyst.