Pali chikhulupiliro chofala kuti kubera kumatsatira chibadwa chachibadwa kukhala ndi zibwenzi zambiri, osati kusankha kwaufulu kwa munthu. Kodi kukhululukidwa kunachokera kuti komanso momwe tingapewere? Mphunzitsi wamindfulness Kelly Boys akutero.
Ndili ndi zaka 20, ndinapita ku Ulaya, komwe ndinakumana ndi chikondi changa chopenga. Ulendo utatha, tinayamba chibwenzi chapatali. Ndinkakhala ku Canada, iye ankakhala ku Germany. M’maso mwanga, ubwenzi wathu unali wolimba komanso wokongola. Sindinawakayikira ngakhale kamodzi.
Koma patapita miyezi ingapo, ndinapeza kuti chibwenzi changa chinagona ndi chibwenzi chake. Iye anati izo sizinatanthauze chirichonse kwa iye. Ananena kuti ubale wathu ndi chinthu chachikulu m'moyo wake, ndipo adapempha chikhululukiro. Ndinaganiza zokhala naye.
Tinakhala limodzi zaka zina zinayi, koma sitinachirenso. Anadzazidwa ndi manyazi, ndinadzazidwa ndi nkhawa ndi kusakhulupirira. Ubale unasokonekera. Nthawi ina ndinapita kuphwando popanda iye ndipo mwadzidzidzi ndinadzipeza ndikupsompsona mnyamata yemwe sindimamudziwa. Ndinazindikira kuti ubale wathu sungathenso kupulumutsidwa.
Sindinaganizepo kuti ndingathe kuchita izi. Mofananamo, sindinkaganiza kuti bwenzi langa lakale likhoza kuukira boma. Mbiri ya ubale wathu idandipangitsa kuganiza: chifukwa chiyani timabera anzathu? Ndipo kodi pali chilichonse chimene tingachite kuti zimenezi zipewe?
Kuchita chinyengo, kaya ndi kupsompsonana kwapang'onopang'ono ndi mnzako paphwando lakampani kapena m'chikondi chambiri kwazaka zambiri, zimachokera ku kudzipatula kwathu. gwero la vuto ndi loti tikukhala motsutsana ndi zikhumbo ndi zikhulupiriro zakuya.
Kukambitsirana moona mtima ndi kulankhulana moona mtima, mosiyana ndi chinyengo, kumakulitsa chidaliro ndi kuyandikana kwamalingaliro.
Mu Blind Spot Effect, ndimakamba za milandu yambiri pomwe sitiwona zinthu zomwe zili patsogolo pa mphuno zathu, ndipo, m'malo mwake, timawona zinthu zomwe kulibe. Tonse tili ndi madontho akhungu. Koma tingaphunzire kuzizindikira ndi kuzichepetsa, m’chikondi ndi m’mbali zina za moyo.
Katswiri wa zamaganizo Helen Fisher amagawaniza njira yonse ya chikondi mu magawo atatu: chilakolako, kukopa, ndi chiyanjano. Izi zikutanthauza kuti titha kukhala paubwenzi wanthawi yayitali ndi munthu m'modzi (chophatikizira), nthawi yomweyo kukopeka ndi wina (chilakolako) ndikukondana ndi munthu wachitatu (zokopa).
Tikagwa m'chikondi, manja athu amatuluka thukuta, masaya athu amakhala ofiira, timakhala ndi chilakolako ndi nkhawa. M'thupi lathu, kupanga kwa neurotransmitter dopamine kumawonjezeka ndipo mlingo wa cortisol, hormone yopanikizika yomwe imatithandiza kulimbana ndi vutoli, imadumpha. Mogwirizana ndi izi, kupanga kwa neurotransmitter serotonin, yomwe imagwira ntchito yokhazikika yachilengedwe, imagwa. Chotsatira chake, timadyedwa ndi malingaliro okondweretsa, ziyembekezo ndi mantha okhudzana ndi chinthu cha chilakolako chathu.
Kuphatikiza apo, timakhala ndi kuchuluka kwa adrenaline ndi norepinephrine, zomwe zimatipangitsa kukhala opusa ndi chikondi ndikukhazikika pa chinthu chopembedzedwa. Nzosadabwitsa kuti pakati pa mphepo yamkuntho ya mahomoni ndi ma neurotransmitters, ambiri a ife timachita zinthu zopupuluma zomwe pambuyo pake zimafotokozedwa ndi mawu akuti "chikondi ndi khungu."
Ngati mukufuna kumanga ubale wozama komanso wokhalitsa, choyamba muyenera kumvetsetsa ndikumvetsetsa zomwe zimakuyendetsani. Mukamvetsetsa mtundu wa ma drive anu, zovuta, zosowa ndi zofooka, mutha kupanga ubale wabwino ndi inu nokha. Mudzayamba kudziuza nokha zoona ndikumvera mawu anu amkati. Pokhapokha mukakhala ndi mwayi wogawana zamkati mwanu wopanda ungwiro ndi munthu wina.
Ngati muli pachibwenzi ndipo mumakopeka ndi munthu wina, musamafulumire kukalipa. Nawa malangizo atatu okuthandizani kuthana ndi vutoli.
1. Kumbukirani kuti "izinso zidzapita"
Kumva kulikonse, ngakhale kutakhala kolimba bwanji, kumafooketsa pakapita nthawi. Ngakhale zitakugwirani kwathunthu, yesani kuyang'ana patali. Kuchita mwanzeru kudzakuthandizani ndi izi, zomwe zimakuphunzitsani kuzindikira zomwe mwakumana nazo panthawi yake komanso osawaweruza.
Mudzawona zomverera zikubwera ndikupita popanda kukhazikikamo. Kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti kuchita zinthu mwanzeru kumatithandiza kuchepetsa kutengeka maganizo komanso kutiphunzitsa kuyang'ana momwe tikumvera kunja.
2. Lankhulani ndi mnzanu
Kuuza wokondedwa wanu za zomwe mumakonda, poyamba, ndi uphungu woipa. Koma pomutsegulira moyo wanu, mumamupatsa mwayi wokuthandizani. Nthawi zina kukambirana kumodzi momasuka kumakhala kokwanira kufooketsa chikokacho.
Zingakhale zovuta kwa inu kuganiza za kukambirana koteroko. Mukuopa kukhumudwitsa ndi kunyoza wokondedwa wanu ndi chivomerezo choterocho. Koma m’chenicheni, kukambitsirana moona mtima ndi kulankhulana moona mtima, mosiyana ndi chinyengo, kumathandiza kukulitsa chidaliro ndi kuyandikana kwamalingaliro.
3. Pewani mayesero
Ngati mukumva kuti mukuyesedwa kuti mugonje ndi mayesero, musatero. Osadumpha mfundo yachiwiri, onetsetsani kuti mwalankhula ndi mnzanuyo kaye. Izi ndizofunikira poyamba kwa inu, kuti musataye umphumphu wanu komanso kuti musataye kuyang'ana bwino pazochitikazo.
Ngakhale kukambiranaku kukakhala kutha kwa ubale wanu, mudzathetsa moona mtima popanda kudzinyenga nokha. Kuonjezera apo, kukambirana mochokera pansi pamtima kungathe, m'malo mwake, kuyatsa moto muubwenzi wanu womwe, zikuwoneka, ukazimitsidwa kalekale.
Ngati mukufuna kupanga maubwenzi okondwa komanso abwino ndi anthu omwe mumawakonda, ndikofunikira kupeza zomwe simunachite ndikuvomereza zomwe amakukondani. Pokhapokha mukakhala owona kwa nokha mungathe kupanga maubwenzi ozama ndi amphamvu ndi anthu ena.
Za wolemba: Kelly Boys ndi mphunzitsi wanzeru kwa ogwira ntchito ku UN komanso wolemba The Blind Spot Effect. Momwe mungayambire kuzindikira zomwe zili patsogolo pa mphuno yanu.