Zikuwoneka kwa ambiri kuti ngati okwatirana asankha "kupuma kwa wina ndi mzake," motere amangochedwetsa kutha kosalephereka komanso komwe adakonzeratu kale ubalewo. Koma bwanji ngati nthaŵi zina timafunikiradi kudzipatulira “tchuthi chamaganizo” kuti tipulumutse ukwati?
“Chiŵerengero cha zisudzulo n’chokwera kwambiri masiku ano, chotero njira iriyonse yothanirana ndi vuto limeneli ndi yofunika kuisamalira,” akutero katswiri wa zabanja Allison Cohen. “Ngakhale kuti palibe maphikidwe achilengedwe chonse, kupatukana kwakanthawi kumatha kupatsa okwatirana nthawi ndi mtunda wofunikira kuti aganizirenso malingaliro awo pankhani zofunika kwambiri.” Mwina, chifukwa cha izi, mkuntho udzachepa ndipo mtendere ndi mgwirizano zidzabwerera ku mgwirizano wabanja.
Tengani chitsanzo cha Mark ndi Anna. Pambuyo pa zaka 35 zaukwati, iwo anayamba kusudzulana, kusonkhanitsa madandaulo ambiri. Okwatiranawo sanatenge njira yophweka ndipo adaganiza, asanasudzulane, ayambe kuyesa kukhala padera.
Mark ndi Anna analibe chiyembekezo choti adzakumananso. Komanso, ayamba kale kukambirana za chisudzulo chomwe chingathe kuchitika, koma chozizwitsa chinachitika - patatha miyezi itatu yosiyana, banjali linaganiza zobwereranso. Panthawi imeneyi, iwo anapuma kwa wina ndi mzake, kuganiza zonse mobwerezabwereza ankaona chidwi.
N’chiyani chingafotokoze zimene zinachitika? Anzawowo anadzipatsa nthaŵi yoti aphunzire kulankhulananso, anakumbukira zimene anali kusowa popanda wina ndi mnzake, ndipo anayamba kukhalanso limodzi. Posachedwapa adakondwerera chaka chawo cha 42 chaukwati. Ndipo izi sizichitika kawirikawiri.
Ndiye ndi liti pamene muyenera kuganizira za chisudzulo chakanthawi? Choyamba, ndikofunikira kuyesa kuchuluka kwa kutopa kwamalingaliro - anu ndi a mnzanu. Ngati mmodzi wa inu (kapena nonse a inu) ali wofooka kotero kuti sangathenso kupereka chirichonse kwa wina, ndi nthawi yoti mukambirane zomwe kupuma kungapereke.
Chiyembekezo ndi zenizeni
“Kodi pali chiyembekezo ngakhale pang’ono chabe cha zotsatira zabwino? Mwinamwake chiyembekezo cha chisudzulo ndi kusungulumwa kwamtsogolo kumakuchititsani mantha? Izi ndizokwanira kuyesa kukhala padera poyamba ndikuwona zomwe mungakwaniritse mumikhalidwe yatsopanoyi, "akutero Allison Cohen.
Musanapange chiganizo chomaliza, muyenera kusankha pazinthu zothandiza:
- Kodi kupatukana kwanu kudzatha mpaka liti?
- Kodi mungamuuze ndani za chisankho chanu?
- Kodi mudzalumikizana bwanji panthawi yopatukana (pafoni, imelo, ndi zina zotero)?
- Ndani adzapita kukacheza, maphwando, zochitika ngati nonse mwaitanidwa?
- Ndani adzalipire mabilu?
- Kodi mudzagawana ndalama?
- Kodi mungawauze bwanji ana anu za chisankho chanu?
- Adzawatenga ndani ana kusukulu?
- Ndani adzakhala pakhomo ndipo ndani adzasamuke?
- Kodi mudzalolana wina ndi mzake kukhala pachibwenzi?
Awa ndi mafunso ovuta omwe amabweretsa malingaliro ambiri. Allison Cohen anati: “Ndikofunikira kuonana ndi dokotala musanasudzuke ndikupitirizabe kulandira chithandizo panthaŵi imeneyi. "Izi zikuthandizani kuti musaphwanye mapanganowo ndikuthana ndi malingaliro omwe akubwera munthawi yake."
Kuti mubwezeretsenso ubwenzi wapamtima, ndikofunikira nthawi zina kukhala nokha ndi mnzanu.
Tiyerekeze kuti mwaganiza kuti kupatukana kwakanthawi kungakuchitireni zabwino. Ndi chiyani chomwe chili choyenera kuyang'ana kwambiri kuti mupindule kwambiri ndi nthawi ino? Dzifunseni nokha:
- Kodi mukadachita chiyani mosiyana m'mbuyomu kuti mulimbitse ubale wanu?
- Mukulolera kusintha chiyani tsopano kuti mupulumutse mgwirizano wanu?
- Kodi chofunika n’chiyani kwa mnzanu kuti ubwenziwo upitirire?
- Kodi mumakonda chiyani mwa mnzanu, ndi chiyani chomwe chidzaphonye pamene palibe? Kodi mwakonzeka kumuuza za nkhaniyi?
- Kodi mwakonzeka kukhalabe ndi chidziwitso polankhulana ndi mnzanu - kapena kuyesa kutero?
- Kodi ndinu okonzeka kukhululukira zolakwa zakale ndikuyesera kuyambiranso?
- Kodi mwakonzeka kukhala ndi madzulo achikondi sabata iliyonse? Kuti mukhalenso pa ubwenzi wapamtima, ndikofunika kukhala nokha ndi mnzanu nthawi zina.
- Kodi mwakonzeka kuphunzira njira zatsopano zolankhulirana kuti musabwereze zolakwika zakale?
“Palibe malamulo onse,” akufotokoza motero Allison Cohen. - Njira ya munthu payekha ndiyofunikira, chifukwa banja lililonse ndi lapadera. Kodi nthawi yoyeserera kukhala yosiyana iyenera kukhala yayitali bwanji? Ochiritsa ena amalankhula za miyezi isanu ndi umodzi, ena amati zochepa. Ena amalimbikitsa kuti musayambe chibwenzi chatsopano panthawiyi, ena amakhulupirira kuti simuyenera kukana kuyitana kwa mtima.
Pezani wothandizira yemwe ali ndi chidziwitso chogwira ntchito ndi izi. Iyi ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yothetsera mavuto onse omwe angabwere panthawi yopatukana kwakanthawi.
Ngati mwasimidwa ndipo mwataya chiyembekezo, kumbukirani kuti mnzanuyo si mdani wanu (ngakhale zikuwoneka choncho kwa inu tsopano). Muli ndi mwayi wobwezera chisangalalo chakale chaubwenzi.
Inde, nkovuta kukhulupirira, koma mwinamwake munthu amene wakhala moyang’anizana ndi inu patebulo la chakudya chamadzulo akadali bwenzi lanu lapamtima ndi mnzanu wapamtima.