"Chikondi Chenicheni Kulibe"

Katswiri wamabanja komanso katswiri wazamisala Vyacheslav Moskvichev wakhala akugwira ntchito ndi maanja kwa zaka zopitilira 15. Pakati pa makasitomala ake pali anthu amisinkhu yonse, okhala ndi ana opanda ana, omwe angoyamba kumene moyo limodzi, ndi omwe akhala ndi nthawi yokayikira ngati kuli koyenera kupitiriza ...

Choncho, tinatembenukira kwa iye monga katswiri wa nkhani za chikondi ndi pempho kuti afotokoze maganizo ake pa nkhaniyi. Malingaliro anali osayembekezereka.

Psychology:Tiyeni tiyambe ndi chinthu chachikulu: kodi chikondi chenicheni chimatheka?

Vyacheslav Moskvichev: Mwachionekere, chikondi chenicheni ndi chimene chimachitika pakati pa amuna ndi akazi enieni. Koma awiriwa, nawonso, sizowona, koma zopangidwa zomwe zimapangidwira kuti zikhazikike bwino anthu ndi maubwenzi awo. Kwa ine, lingaliro lakuti munthu angapeze choonadi chapadziko lonse, chodziimira pachikhalidwe, chodziwika bwino cha zomwe mwamuna, mkazi, chikondi, banja, ndi lingaliro loyesa, koma loopsa.

Kodi ngozi yake ndi yotani?

Lingaliro limeneli limapangitsa amuna ndi akazi enieni kudziona kukhala opereŵera, odziona kukhala otsika chifukwa chakuti sagwirizana ndi nkhungu. Ndikuvomereza kuti zomanga izi zidathandizadi munthu kudziumba okha. Koma ali ndi zotsutsana za mkati, ndipo n’zosatheka kuzitsatira. Mwachitsanzo, mwamuna weniweni ayenera kukhala wamphamvu ndi wolimba mtima, koma nthawi yomweyo wofatsa ndi wosamala, ndipo mkazi weniweni ayenera kukhala wokonda kugonana komanso wopereka chitsanzo chabwino.

Ife tikuyenera kugwa kuchokera mwa iwo. Ndipo pamene tidziuza tokha "Sindine mwamuna weniweni", kapena "sindine mkazi weniweni", kapena "Ichi si chikondi chenicheni", timamva kuti ndife otsika ndipo timavutika.

Ndipo ndani amene akuvutika kwambiri, amuna kapena akazi?

Pansi pa chitsenderezo cha malingaliro omwe amavomerezedwa m'chitaganya, mamembala ake opanda mwayi wochepera amagwa nthawi zonse. Tikukhala m'gulu la amuna, ndipo malingaliro okhudza zomwe tiyenera kutsatira amapangidwa ndi amuna. Choncho, akazi amavutika kwambiri. Koma izi sizikutanthauza kuti amuna ali opanda chitsenderezo.

Kusagwirizana ndi machitidwe okhazikika m'maganizo a anthu kumayambitsa kumverera kolephera. Mabanja ambiri amabwera kwa ine asanasudzulane. Ndipo nthawi zambiri amabweretsedwa mu chikhalidwe ichi ndi malingaliro awo okhudza chikondi chenicheni, banja, zoyembekeza kuchokera kwa wokondedwa zomwe samakumana nazo.

Kodi ndi maganizo otani amene angafikitse okwatirana pa chisudzulo?

Mwachitsanzo, monga: panali chikondi, tsopano chadutsa. Akapita, palibe chomwe chingachitike, tiyenera kusiya. Kapena mwina ndinaganiza molakwika kuti ndimakonda chikondi. Ndipo popeza ichi si chikondi, mungatani, iwo analakwitsa.

Koma sichoncho?

Ayi! Kuyimilira koteroko kumatisandutsa kukhala "odziwa" opanda pake akumverera komwe sikungakhudzidwe mwanjira iliyonse. Tonse timadzifotokozera tokha chimene chikondi chili m’njira zosiyanasiyana. Ndizosangalatsa kuti pakati pa mafotokozedwe awa pali zosiyana: mwachitsanzo, kuti chikondi ndi chinachake chamoyo, kuwonjezeka kwa mahomoni, kukopa kugonana, kapena, mosiyana, kuti chinachake ndi chaumulungu, msonkhano woopsa. Koma mafotokozedwe oterowo amakhudza mbali zonse za ubale wathu.

Ngati sitikonda chinachake mwa mnzathu, muzochita zake, kuyanjana kwathu, ndiye kuti zingakhale zomveka kuthana ndi nkhani izi. Ndipo m'malo mwake timayamba kuda nkhawa: mwina tapanga chisankho cholakwika. Umu ndi momwe msampha wa "chikondi chenicheni" umayambira.

Kodi zikutanthauza chiyani - msampha wa "chikondi chenicheni"?

Ndi lingaliro loti ngati chikondi chili chenicheni, muyenera kupirira - ndipo mupirire. Akazi amalamulidwa kupirira chinthu chimodzi, amuna chinanso. Kwa akazi, mwachitsanzo, mwano wa amuna, kusweka, kumwa mowa, kukopana ndi ena, kulephera kugwira ntchito zachimuna zomwe zimaperekedwa ndi chikhalidwe, monga kusamalira banja ndi chitetezo chake.

Kodi munthu amapirira chiyani?

Kusakhazikika maganizo kwa akazi, misozi, whims, kusagwirizana ndi malingaliro a kukongola, kuti mkaziyo anayamba kusamala za iye mwini kapena za mwamuna. Koma iye, malinga ndi chikhalidwe, sayenera kulekerera kukopana. Ndipo ngati zikuwoneka kuti wina sangathenso kupirira, ndiye kuti pali njira imodzi yokha yomwe yatsala - kuzindikira kuti ukwatiwu ndi wolakwa ("ndikupweteka, koma palibe choyenera kuchita"), ganizirani za chikondi ichi ndi chinyengo ndikulowa. fufuzani yatsopano. Zimaganiziridwa kuti palibe chifukwa chowongolera maubwenzi, kufufuza, kuyesa, ndi kukambirana.

Ndipo katswiri wa zamaganizo angathandize bwanji apa?

Ndimalimbikitsa maanja kuyesa njira zina zoyankhulirana. Ndikhoza kuitana mmodzi wa abwenzi kuti afotokoze maganizo ake pazochitikazo, zomwe zimamudetsa nkhawa muubwenzi, momwe zimakhudzira moyo wa banja, zomwe zimasowa ndi zomwe angafune kupulumutsa kapena kubwezeretsa. Ndipo kwa winayo panthawiyi ndikupempha kuti ndikhale tcheru ndipo, ngati n'kotheka, womvera wachifundo yemwe angathe kulemba zomwe zinamukopa m'mawu a mnzanuyo. Kenako amasinthana maudindo.

Mabanja ambiri amati zimawathandiza. Chifukwa chakuti nthaŵi zambiri mnzanuyo amalabadira mawu oyamba olankhulidwa kwa ena kapena kumasulira kwawo: “ngati simunaphike chakudya chamadzulo, ndiye kuti munagwa m’chikondi.” Koma ngati mumvetsera kumapeto, perekani mwayi kwa winayo kuti alankhule mokwanira, mungaphunzire chinachake chosayembekezereka ndi chofunika kwambiri za iye. Kwa ambiri, ichi ndi chochitika chodabwitsa chomwe chimatsegula mwayi watsopano woti azikhala pamodzi. Kenako ndimati: ngati mumakonda chochitikachi, mwina mutha kuyesa kuchigwiritsa ntchito munthawi zina zamoyo wanu?

Ndipo zikukhalira?

Kusintha sikuchitika nthawi yomweyo. Nthawi zambiri maanja apanga kale njira zodziwika bwino zolumikizirana, ndipo zatsopano zomwe zimapezeka pamsonkhano ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo zingawoneke ngati "zachilendo". Zimakhala zachibadwa kwa ife kusokonezana wina ndi mzake, kutukwana, kusonyeza malingaliro mwamsanga pamene iwo adzuka.

Koma maubwenzi a anthu si achibadwa mwa iwo okha. Iwo ndi mbali ya chikhalidwe, osati chilengedwe. Ngati ndife achibadwa, tidzakhala gulu la anyani. Anyani ndi achibadwa, koma uwu si mtundu wa ubale umene anthu amautcha chikondi chachikondi.

Sitifuna kuti mkazi akhale ndi miyendo yaubweya, ngakhale tsitsi lomwe lili pamiyendoyo limakula mwachibadwa. Yathu yabwino ya «chilengedwe» Ndipotu ndi mankhwala a chikhalidwe. Yang'anani pa mafashoni - kuyang'ana "zachirengedwe", muyenera kupita kuzinthu zambiri.

Ndibwino kudziwa izi! Ngati lingaliro lachirengedwe, chirengedwe, chibadwidwe sichimafunsidwa, tili ndi mwayi wochepa wosiyana ndi zowawa ndikuyamba kuyang'ana ndikuyesera, kupeza ndi kumanga maubwenzi omwe amagwirizana ndi aliyense wa ife, poganizira chikhalidwe cha chikhalidwe.

Kodi chikondi chimadalira pa chikhalidwe?

Kumene. Kufalikira kwa chikondi ndi nthano chabe monga momwe zimakhalira mwachibadwa. Chifukwa cha zimenezi, mikangano yambiri imabuka, ndipo nthaŵi zina masoka.

Mwachitsanzo, mayi wina wa ku Moscow anakwatiwa ndi munthu wa ku Aigupto amene anakulira m’chikhalidwe cha anthu okhulupirira miyambo. Nthawi zambiri amuna achiarabu amagwira ntchito panthawi ya chibwenzi, amasonyeza kufunitsitsa kwawo kusamalira mkazi, kukhala ndi udindo kwa iye, ndi akazi ambiri monga awa.

Koma pankhani ya ukwati, zimakhala kuti mkazi ali ndi lingaliro lakuti maganizo ake ayenera kuganiziridwa, omwe ayenera kuwerengedwa, ndipo mu chikhalidwe cha chikhalidwe ichi amafunsidwa.

Pali nthano m'chikhalidwe chathu kuti chikondi chenicheni chimawombera denga, kuti ndi mphamvu yamphamvu kwambiri yamaganizo. Ndipo ngati tingathe kuganiza mwanzeru, ndiye kuti palibe chikondi. Koma iwo omwe adakumana ndi maubwenzi a nthawi yayitali amadziwa kuti kusunga kutentha kosalekeza sikutheka kokha, komanso kulibe thanzi. Kotero inu simungakhoze kukhala m'moyo wamba, chifukwa ndiye momwe mungakhalire ndi abwenzi, ndi ntchito?

Nanga chikondi nchiyani, ngati si chikhalidwe chachibadwa osati kukula kwa zilakolako?

Chikondi ndicho choyamba ndi chikhalidwe chapadera chaumwini. Zimaphatikizapo osati malingaliro athu okha, komanso momwe timaganizira. Ngati chikondi sichinakhazikitsidwe ndi lingaliro, zongopeka za wina, ziyembekezo, ziyembekezo, ndiye kuti chikhalidwe cha thupi chochokapo sichingakhale chosangalatsa kwambiri.

Mwinamwake, mu moyo wonse, osati kumverera kokha kumasintha, komanso njira iyi yomvetsetsa?

Kusintha ndithu! Othandizana nawo amalowa muubwenzi potengera zokonda zina, zomwe zimasinthidwa ndi zina. Otenga nawo gawo muubwenzi akusinthanso - momwe thupi lawo, mawonekedwe awo, malingaliro awo, za moyo, chilichonse. Ndipo ngati wina wapanga lingaliro lolimba la mnzake, ndipo winayo wasiya kugwirizana nawo, ndiye kuti ubalewo umasokonekera. Kukhazikika kwamalingaliro ndikowopsa kokha.

Kodi nchiyani chimapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wokhazikika komanso wolimbikitsa?

Kukonzekera kusiyana. Kumvetsetsa kuti ndife osiyana. Kuti ngati tili ndi zokonda zosiyana, izi sizowopsa kwa maubwenzi, m'malo mwake, zitha kukhala chifukwa chowonjezera cha kulumikizana kosangalatsa, kudziwana wina ndi mnzake. Zimathandizanso kukhala wokonzeka kukambirana. Osati zomwe zimangofuna kupeza chowonadi chimodzi kwa onse, koma zomwe zimathandiza kupeza njira kuti onse awiri azikhala limodzi.

Zikuoneka kuti mukutsutsa choonadi. Izi ndi Zow?

Chowonadi chikuwoneka kuti chiripo ngakhale tisanayambe kulankhula. Ndipo ndikuwona momwe maanja amakhalira nthawi zambiri muzokambirana, akukhulupirira kuti pali chowonadi chokhudza ubale, za aliyense wa iwo, zimatsalira kuti zipezeke, ndipo aliyense amaganiza kuti wapeza, ndipo winayo ndi wolakwika.

Kaŵirikaŵiri, makasitomala amabwera mu ofesi yanga ndi lingaliro la “kupeza inu weniweni”—monga ngati iwo sanali enieni pakali pano! Ndipo pamene okwatirana abwera, amafuna kupeza ubale weniweni. Iwo akuyembekeza kuti katswiri yemwe waphunzira kwa nthawi yayitali ndipo wawona maanja ambiri osiyanasiyana ali ndi yankho la momwe ubalewu uyenera kukhalira, ndipo zomwe ayenera kuchita ndikupeza yankho lolondola ili.

Koma ndikukupemphani kuti mufufuze njira pamodzi: Sindikuwululira chowonadi, koma thandizani kupanga chinthu chapadera, polojekiti yawo yogwirizana, kwa banjali. Ndiye ndikufuna kupereka kwa ena, kunena kuti: "Onani momwe tachitira, tiyeni tichite zomwezo!". Koma ntchitoyi sichingafanane ndi ena, chifukwa banja lililonse lili ndi chikondi chawo.

Zikuwonekeratu kuti muyenera kudzifunsa osati "chikondi ichi?", Koma china ...

Ndimaona kuti n’kothandiza kufunsa mafunso monga: Kodi ndili bwino ndi mnzanga? Bwanji iye ndi ine? Kodi tingatani kuti tizimvana bwino, kuti tizikhalira limodzi mosangalatsa? Ndiyeno ubalewu ukhoza kuchoka pamalingaliro ndi zolembera, ndipo moyo pamodzi udzakhala ulendo wosangalatsa wodzaza ndi zomwe atulukira.