Zamkatimu
Nthawi zambiri timakhala ngati akatswiri pa maubwenzi a anthu ena ndikuthetsa mavuto a moyo wa ena mosavuta. Khalidwe la anthu amene amapirira kuvutitsidwa lingaoneke ngati lopanda nzeru. Ziŵerengero zimanena kuti anthu amene anachitiridwa nkhanza ndi mnzawoyo, pa avareji, amabwerera kwa iye kasanu ndi kawiri asanathetse chibwenzicho. "Bwanji sanamusiye?" Anthu ambiri amene anazunzidwa amalidziwa bwino funso limeneli.
“Ubale womwe munthu wina amadyera mnzake masuku pamutu umapanga mgwirizano pakati pawo potengera kusakhulupirika. Wozunzidwayo amagwirizana ndi womuzunzayo. Wogwidwayo amayamba kuteteza chigawenga chomwe chimamugwira. Wogonedwa ndi wachibale amateteza khololo, wogwira ntchitoyo amakana kudandaula za bwana wake amene salemekeza ufulu wake,” akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Patrick Carnes.
“Chibwenzi chomvetsa chisoni nthaŵi zambiri chimatsutsana ndi chifukwa chilichonse chomveka ndipo chimakhala chovuta kuchileka. Kuti zichitike, mikhalidwe itatu imafunikira kaŵirikaŵiri: mphamvu yoonekeratu ya mmodzi wa okwatiranawo kuposa mnzake, kusinthasintha mosadziŵika nthaŵi za chithandizo chabwino ndi choipa, ndi nthaŵi zachilendo zapaubale zimene zimagwirizanitsa okwatirana,” analemba motero katswiri wa zamaganizo M.Kh. . Logan.
Chibwenzi chowopsa chimachitika pamene okondedwa akumana ndi vuto limodzi lomwe limayambitsa kutengeka mtima. Mu ubale wosokonekera, mgwirizano umalimbikitsidwa ndi lingaliro langozi. "Stockholm syndrome" yodziwika bwino imachitika mofananamo - wozunzidwayo, kuyesera kudziteteza mu ubale wosadziŵika bwino, amamangiriridwa ndi wozunza wake, amamuchititsa mantha ndipo amakhala gwero la chitonthozo. Wozunzidwayo amakulitsa kukhulupirika ndi kudzipereka kosaneneka kwa munthu amene amamuchitira nkhanza.
Chibwenzi choopsa chimakhala cholimba kwambiri m'maubwenzi omwe nkhanza zimabwerezedwa kaŵirikaŵiri, pamene wozunzidwayo akufuna kuthandiza wozunzayo, "kupulumutsa" iye, ndipo mmodzi mwa okwatiranawo adanyengerera ndikupereka mnzake. Nazi zomwe Patrick Carnes akunena pa izi: "Kuchokera kunja, zonse zikuwoneka zoonekeratu. Maubwenzi onse oterowo amazikidwa pa kudzipereka kwamisala. Nthawi zonse amakhala ndi mazunzo, mantha, zoopsa.
Koma palinso zowonera za kukoma mtima ndi ulemu. Tikukamba za anthu amene ali okonzeka ndipo amafuna kukhala ndi anthu amene amawapereka. Palibe chimene chingagwedeze kukhulupirika kwawo: ngakhale zilonda zamaganizo, kapena zotsatira zowopsya, kapena chiopsezo cha imfa. Akatswiri a zamaganizo amatcha kugwirizana kopweteketsa mtima kumeneku. Kukopa kopanda thanzi kumeneku kumakulitsidwa ndi lingaliro langozi ndi manyazi. Nthawi zambiri mu maubwenzi oterowo pali kusakhulupirika, chinyengo, kunyengerera. Nthawi zonse pamakhala ngozi komanso zoopsa mwanjira ina. ”
Kaŵirikaŵiri wozunzidwayo amayamikira mnzake wankhanzayo kaamba ka chenicheni chakuti amamchitira bwino kwa nthaŵi ndithu.
Kodi mphotho yosayembekezereka ndi yotani, ndipo imagwira ntchito yotani pakuchita zowawa? Pankhani ya ubale wosagwira ntchito, izi zikutanthauza kuti nkhanza ndi kusayanjanitsika nthawi iliyonse kungasinthe mwadzidzidzi kukhala chikondi ndi chisamaliro. Wozunzayo nthaŵi zina amapereka mphotho mwadzidzidzi mwa kusonyeza chikondi, kupereka chiyamikiro, kapena kupereka mphatso.
Mwachitsanzo, mwamuna amene wamenya mkazi wake ndiye amam’patsa maluwa, kapena mayi amene wakhala akukana kulankhula ndi mwana wake mwadzidzidzi amayamba kulankhula naye momasuka komanso mwachikondi.
Mphotho yosayembekezereka imatsogolera ku mfundo yakuti wozunzidwayo nthawi zonse amakhala wofunitsitsa kulandira chivomerezo cha wozunzayo, alinso ndi zochita zosoŵa zachifundo. Akuyembekeza mobisa kuti zonse zikhala bwino monga kale. Monga wosewera mpira kutsogolo kwa makina olowetsa, amayamba chizolowezi chamasewera amwayiwa ndipo ali wokonzeka kupereka zambiri kuti apeze mwayi woti alandire "mphoto". Mchitidwe wonyenga umenewu umapangitsa kuti zochita zachifundo zosachitikachitika kawirikawiri zikhale zogometsa.
"M'malo owopsa, timayang'ana mwachidwi chiyembekezo chilichonse - ngakhale mwayi wawung'ono woti tichite bwino. Pamene wozunzayo asonyeza kukoma mtima ngakhale pang’ono kwa wozunzidwayo (ngakhale ngati kuli kopindulitsa kwa iye), amaona zimenezi monga umboni wa makhalidwe ake abwino. Khadi lobadwa kapena mphatso (yomwe nthawi zambiri imaperekedwa pakapita nthawi yovutitsidwa) - ndipo tsopano sali munthu woyipa kwambiri yemwe angasinthe mtsogolo. Nthaŵi zambiri wochitiridwa nkhanzayo amayamikira mnzake wankhanzayo chifukwa chakuti amamchitira bwino kwa kanthaŵi,” akulemba motero Dr. Patrick Carnes.
Kodi chimachitika ndi chiyani pamlingo wa ubongo?
Kukhudzidwa kowopsa ndi mphotho zosayembekezereka zimayambitsa kusuta kwenikweni pamlingo wa biochemistry yaubongo. Kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti chikondi chimayambitsa magawo omwewo muubongo omwe amayambitsa kuledzera kwa cocaine. Zovuta zanthawi zonse mu maubwenzi zimatha, modabwitsa, kukulitsa kudalira. Izi zimaphatikizapo: oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, cortisol ndi adrenaline. Kuchitiridwa nkhanza kwa mnzako sikungafooke, koma, m’malo mwake, limbitsa ubwenzi wake ndi iye.
Dopamine ndi neurotransmitter yomwe imagwira ntchito yofunika kwambiri mu "malo osangalatsa" a ubongo. Ndi chithandizo chake, ubongo umapanga maubwenzi ena, mwachitsanzo, timagwirizanitsa wokondedwa ndi chisangalalo, ndipo nthawi zina ngakhale kupulumuka. Kodi msampha ndi chiyani? Mphotho zosayembekezereka zimamasula dopamine yambiri muubongo kuposa zomwe zimalosera! Wokondedwa yemwe nthawi zonse amasintha mkwiyo kukhala chifundo ndi mosemphanitsa amakopa kwambiri, kuledzera kumawonekera, m'njira zambiri zofanana ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo.
Ndipo izi siziri kutali ndi kusintha kokha kwa ubongo komwe kumachitika chifukwa cha nkhanza. Tangolingalirani mmene zimakhalira zovuta kwa wozunzidwayo kusiya ubale ndi wozunzayo!
Zizindikiro za kukhudzidwa kowopsa
- Mumadziwa kuti mnzanuyo ndi wankhanza komanso wankhanza, koma simungathe kumuthawa. Nthawi zonse mumakumbukira kuvutitsidwa m'mbuyomu, kudziimba mlandu pa chilichonse, kudzidalira kwanu komanso kudzilemekeza kumadalira kwathunthu mnzanu.
- Mumayenda ndi nsonga kuti musamukwiyitse mwanjira ina iliyonse, poyankha mumangopezereredwa kwatsopano ndipo nthawi zina mumangochitira chifundo.
- Mumaona ngati mumadalira iye ndipo simukumvetsa chifukwa chake. Mumafunikira chivomerezo chake ndipo mutembenukire kwa iye kuti akutonthozeni pambuyo pa kukuvutitsaninso. Izi ndi zizindikiro za kudalira kwamphamvu kwa biochemical ndi m'malingaliro.
- Umateteza mnzakoyo ndipo suuza aliyense za zonyansa zake. Mumakana kupereka lipoti lapolisi lomutsutsa, kumuimirira pamene mabwenzi kapena achibale akuyesera kukufotokozerani momwe khalidwe lake liri lachilendo. Mwinamwake pamaso pa anthu mumayesa kunamizira kuti mukuchita bwino ndipo ndinu okondwa, kupeputsa tanthauzo la nkhanza za mnzanuyo ndi kukokomeza kapena kusonyeza chikondi machitidwe ake apamwamba omwe sapezeka.
- Ngati muyesa kuchoka kwa iye, ndiye kuti chisoni chake chosawona mtima, "ng'ona misozi" ndikulonjeza kusintha nthawi iliyonse mukatsimikizira. Ngakhale mutamvetsetsa bwino zonse zomwe zimachitika muubwenzi, mumakhalabe ndi chiyembekezo chabodza cha kusintha.
- Mumakulitsa chizoloŵezi chodziwononga nokha, kuyamba kudzivulaza nokha, kapena kukhala ndi zizolowezi zina zosayenera. Zonsezi ndikungoyesa mwanjira inayake kuchoka ku zowawa ndi kupezerera anzawo komanso kuchita manyazi kwambiri komwe kumayambitsidwa ndi iwo.
- Mwakonzekanso kusiya mfundo zachikhalidwe chifukwa cha munthu uyu, kulola zomwe poyamba mumaziona kukhala zosavomerezeka.
- Mumasintha khalidwe lanu, maonekedwe, khalidwe, kuyesera kukwaniritsa zofunikira zonse za wokondedwa wanu, pamene iye mwini nthawi zambiri sali wokonzeka kusintha chilichonse kwa inu.
Kodi mumachotsa bwanji chiwawa pamoyo wanu?
Ngati mwayamba kukondana kwambiri ndi munthu amene amakuchitirani nkhanza (mwina m’maganizo kapena mwakuthupi), m’pofunika choyamba kumvetsa ndi kuvomereza zimenezi. Mvetsetsani kuti muli ndi chiyanjano ichi osati chifukwa cha makhalidwe abwino mwa mnzanuyo, koma chifukwa cha kupwetekedwa mtima kwanu ndi mphotho zosayembekezereka. Izi zikuthandizani kuti musiye kuchitira ubale wanu ngati chinthu "chapadera" chomwe chimafuna nthawi yochulukirapo, mphamvu, ndi kuleza mtima. Ankhanza pathological narcissists sangasinthe kwa inu kapena wina aliyense.
Ngati pazifukwa zina simungathe kuthetsa chibwenzi, yesani kutalikirana ndi "poizoni" mnzanu momwe mungathere. Pezani wothandizira yemwe ali ndi chidziwitso chogwira ntchito ndi zoopsa. Pa chithandizo, mumazindikira zomwe zidachitika muubwenzi komanso yemwe ali ndi udindo. Simuli ndi mlandu wa kuvutitsidwa kumene munakumana nako, ndipo si chifukwa chanu kuti munayamba kugwirizana kwambiri ndi mnzanu wankhanzayo.
Mukuyenera kukhala ndi moyo wopanda kuvutitsidwa ndi kuzunzidwa! Mukuyenera kukhala ndi ubale wabwino, ubwenzi ndi chikondi. Adzakupatsani mphamvu, osati kutha. Ndi nthawi yodzimasula nokha ku maunyolo omwe amakumanganibe kwa wozunza wanu.
Chitsime: blogs.psychcentral.com