Zamkatimu
Kuyambitsa ubale watsopano, makamaka pambuyo pothetsa vuto, kungakhale kovuta. Kumayambiriro kwenikweni kwa ulendo, ambiri a ife timachezeredwa ndi maganizo osokoneza. Kodi maganizowo ndi ofanana? Kodi mnzanga akufuna zomwezo ngati ine? Kodi ndife oyenera kwa wina ndi mzake? Mphunzitsi Valerie Green akuwuza momwe mungagonjetsere mantha awa ndikuphunzira kusangalala ndi nthawi yomwe chikondi chikungoyamba kumene.
Mukangoyamba chibwenzi ndi munthu, nkhawa ndi nkhawa ndizochitika zachilengedwe chifukwa maubwenzi sadziwikiratu ndipo nthawi zina amakhala owopsa, akulemba Greene. Koma kukhala ndi mantha mumkhalidwe wotero sikupindulitsa kwambiri: kusatsimikizika kungathe kusokoneza mnzanu. Wosankhidwa wanu sangamvetse zomwe nkhaniyo ili, koma adzamva kuti simukumasuka naye, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti simukumukonda.
Pofuna kuti asafunse mafunso ofulumira ponena za kumene ubalewo udzatsogolera, komanso kuti asakakamize zinthu pomupatsa mnzanuyo kumverera kuti ali pampanipani, Green amalangiza kuti adziwe njira zitatu.
1. Muzichitira chifundo nkhawa zanu
Liwu la wotsutsa wanu wamkati nthawi zina limakhala lopweteka, koma ngati mumvetsera mosamala, mudzamvetsa kuti uyu si wamkulu akuyankhula, koma mwana wamng'ono wamantha. Nthawi zambiri, timaletsa mawu awa kapena kutsutsana nawo, koma izi zimangowonjezera kulimbana kwamkati. Ndipo palibe opambana pakulimbana ndi iwe mwini.
Green akupereka lingaliro la mtsikana wamng'ono yemwe amabwera kwa inu ndikukufunsani, "Kodi sindine wabwino?" Mwina simungamukalipira, koma fotokozani kuti ndi wodabwitsa ndipo yesani kudziwa momwe adafikira pomaliza. Mungamvetsere nkhani ya mtsikanayo ndi kukuthandizani kumuyang’ana m’njira yatsopano kuchokera pa udindo wa munthu wamkulu amene akudziwa motsimikiza kuti mwanayo ndi woyenera kukondedwa.
Ngati mumachita mbali zosiyanasiyana za "Ine" yanu ndi chikondi ndi chifundo, kudzidalira kumangoyenda bwino.
N'chimodzimodzinso tsiku lisanafike. Greene amalangiza kuti alembe zonse zomwe zikukudetsani nkhawa ndikulowa muzokambirana zabwino ndi malingaliro awa, ndikukhalabe odzidalira. Funsani munthu wamkulu:
- Kodi mawu amenewa ndi oona?
- Kodi ndimamva bwanji ndikaganizira?
- Kodi pali zitsanzo zitatu zomwe zingatsimikizire mosiyana?
Kudzichitira tokha mbali zosiyanasiyana mwachikondi ndi chifundo, kwinaku tikulimbana modekha ndi zikhulupiriro zomwe zimatilepheretsa, kudzidalira kumangoyenda bwino, akutero Greene.
2. Dziwani zomwe mukufuna ndikufikira okondedwa anu
Pali njira zambiri zopewera kumva zowawa. Wina amadya, wina amawonera TV, wina amapeza chitonthozo ndi mowa. Ena amayesetsa kuti asamve chisoni, kukhala ndi mantha, mkwiyo, kaduka, kapena manyazi. Ambiri amawopa kuti ngati adzilola kukhala ndi moyo m'malingaliro awa, adzagwa kosatha m'phompho la zokumana nazo ndipo sangathenso kutulukamo, akutero Green.
Koma kwenikweni, malingaliro ndi mtundu wa zizindikiro zapamsewu zomwe zimaloza njira ku zosowa zathu ndi zikhalidwe zathu, komanso momwe tingazikwaniritsire. Mphunzitsiyo akupereka chitsanzo: Tangoganizani kuyika dzanja lanu mu uvuni wotentha koma osamva kalikonse. Mwinamwake, mudzafika pamapeto olakwika kuti chinachake chikuphikidwa kukhitchini, chifukwa chimanunkhiza ngati chakudya. Ndi ululu umene umayenera kukuuzani kuti chinachake sichikuyenda bwino.
Komabe, munthu ayenera kumva kusiyana pakati pa zosowa ndi zosowa. Kufunika kumatanthawuza kufunikira kwachangu kwa mnzanu kuti akwaniritse zonse zomwe tikufuna. Aliyense wa ife anamvapo zimenezi mwina kamodzi kokha, akukumbukira motero Green. Komanso, tonse takumana ndi anthu omwe amafuna kuti achite momwe anenera, osati china chilichonse.
Kulankhulana ndi okondedwa kudzakhala maziko odzidalira, omwe angakuthandizeni pa tsiku.
Aliyense ali ndi zosowa zamalingaliro, ndipo ngati titaya, ndiye kuti nthawi zambiri sitisowa maubwenzi ndipo timathamangitsa omwe amayesa kutipatsa chisangalalo. Koma thanzi lenileni lamalingaliro limakhala pakutha kuzindikira zomwe timafunikira ndikupeza njira zingapo zopezera. Mwanjira imeneyi tikhoza kukwaniritsa zosoŵa zathu osati kuganizira mmene zimenezi zidzachitikire.
Nthawi ina mukakhala ndi kumverera kosasangalatsa, Greene akulangiza kudzifunsa kuti: "Kodi ine ndikufuna chiyani koposa zonse?" Mwina mumafuna chisamaliro chochuluka kuchokera kwa wokondedwa wanu, koma mwangoyamba kumene chibwenzi, ndipo ndimawa kwambiri kuti mumufunse. Ndikoyenera kuyankha pempholi kwa omwe muli nawo pafupi - achibale ndi abwenzi. Kudalira kuyankhulana kwapafupi ndi iwo kudzakhala maziko odzidalira, omwe angakuthandizeni pa tsiku.
Njira iyi ingawoneke ngati yotsutsana ndi inu, koma tikakhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu yemwe timamukonda, nthawi zambiri zimakhala ngati tatsala pang'ono kuti maloto athu akwaniritsidwe. Kumverera kumeneku kumatikoka kwambiri moti n’kovuta kwambiri kusinthira ku chinthu china. Koma ndi zomwe ziyenera kuchitika, akutero Green. Anzathu ndi achibale angatithandize kwambiri.
Inde, simuyenera kusiya chibwenzi kwathunthu, koma ngati mutasinthana ndi misonkhano ndi okondedwa, moyo udzakhala wosavuta.
3. Lankhulani zakukhosi kwanu ndi zokhumba zanu m'njira yomwe imakulimbikitsani.
Pamene sitidzidalira, kaŵirikaŵiri timapondereza zilakolako zathu ndi kuchita zokomera ena. Koma nkhawa sizidzatha pa izi, koma zimangokulirakulira ndikupangitsa mkwiyo. Podzafika nthawi yoti tifotokoze zakukhosi kwathu, malingaliro adzatigonjetsa kwambiri kotero kuti wokondedwayo ayenera kudziteteza, ndipo izi zidzayambitsa mikangano.
Amene amadzidalira amagawana zomwe akumana nazo ndi zokhumba zawo ndikudzipereka kuti akambirane. Amakhulupirira kuti izi ndizofunikira kwa mnzanu ndipo nthawi zonse mumatha kupeza mgwirizano. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukumva kusungulumwa, Greene amalangiza kugawana malingaliro anu, monga, «Zimene zakhala zikuchitika posachedwapa zandichotsa pamapazi anga, koma kulankhula nanu kumathandiza kwambiri. Mwina titha kulankhula pafupipafupi?
Musanayambe kukumana ndi mnzanuyo, dzipatseni nthawi yoti mumve maganizo anu, ganizirani zofooka zomwe zimakhala ndi nkhawa, ndi kulankhulana ndi okondedwa anu. Ndipo mukakhala pachibwenzi, musaope kulankhula za zofuna zanu - lolani mnzanuyo kumva kuti akhoza kukuthandizani.