Chifukwa chiyani sitikhulupirira anthu

“Simudzandinyenga? Kodi angandithandize mpaka liti?” Kusakhulupirira ndi chiwonetsero chosasangalatsa cha chiwopsezo chakunja, ndiko kuti, chinthu chomwe timaganiza kuti chingavulaze.

“Tikunena za khalidwe limene kaŵirikaŵiri siligwirizana ndi mkhalidwe weniweniwo ndipo lingathe kutitsekereza, kutifooketsa, kutilepheretsa kukhala ndi moyo wokwanira,” akufotokoza motero Maura Amelia Bonanno, katswiri wa chikhalidwe cha anthu. - Munthu wosakhulupirira amatha kukayikira zabwino kuti asalankhule ndi dziko. Komanso, ali ndi tsankho.”

Kodi kusakhulupirirana kumabadwira kuti ndipo chifukwa chiyani?

Mizu mu ubwana

Yankho laperekedwa ndi American psychoanalyst Eric Erickson, amene kumayambiriro kwa zaka za m'ma 1950 anayambitsa mfundo za «basic kukhulupirirana» ndi «basic kusakhulupirira» kufotokoza nthawi ya chitukuko cha munthu kuyambira kubadwa kwa zaka ziwiri. Panthawi imeneyi, mwanayo akuyesera kudziwa momwe amamvera kuti amakondedwa ndi kulandiridwa.

“Chikhulupiriro ndi kusakhulupirirana zimayambika kale paubwana ndipo zimadalira kwambiri mkhalidwe wa unansi ndi amayi osati pa chiŵerengero cha zisonyezero za chikondi,” akuvomereza motero Francesco Belo, katswiri wa maganizo a Jungian.

Malinga ndi zimene Erickson ananena, zinthu ziwiri zimene zingathandize kuti mayi azidalira kwambiri ana: kukhala ndi chidwi ndi zimene mwanayo akufunikira komanso kudzidalira ngati kholo.

Maria, wazaka 34, anati: “Mayi anga ankakonda kuitana mabwenzi nthawi zonse kuti awathandize, kaya akhale oti azindithandiza panyumba kapena nane. Kudzikayikira kumeneku pambuyo pake kunadutsa kwa ine ndikusandulika kukhala wosakhulupirira.

Chinthu chachikulu ndikumverera kuti mumakondedwa, kotero kuti chikhulupiriro mwa inu nokha chimakula ndipo m'tsogolomu chimakhala chokhoza kuthana ndi zovuta ndi zokhumudwitsa za moyo. Mosiyana ndi zimenezo, ngati mwanayo amamva chikondi chochepa, kusakhulupirira dziko, zomwe zimawoneka zosayembekezereka, zidzapambana.

Kusadzidalira

Mnzake amene amabera anzawo ntchito, mnzawo amene amachitira nkhanza mowolowa manja, munthu amene timam'konda amene amachita zachinyengo… Anthu osakhulupirira amakhala ndi “maubwenzi abwino,” anatero Belo. Amayembekezera zochuluka kuchokera kwa ena ndipo amawona kusagwirizana pang'ono ndi zenizeni zawo ngati kusakhulupirika.

Nthawi zina, kumverera uku kumasanduka paranoia ("Aliyense amandifunira zoipa"), ndipo nthawi zina kumayambitsa kusuliza ("Wanga wakale adandisiya popanda kufotokozera, chifukwa chake, amuna onse ndi amantha ndi onyoza").

Belo akuwonjezera kuti: “Kuyamba chibwenzi ndi munthu n’kuika moyo pachiswe. "Ndipo izi ndizotheka kwa iwo okha omwe amadzidalira kuti asamve chisoni ngati atabera." Kupanda chidaliro mwa munthu wina kaŵirikaŵiri kumatanthauza kusadzidalira.

Malingaliro ochepa a zenizeni

"Mantha ndi kusakhulupirirana ndi omwe amatsutsana kwambiri ndi anthu amasiku ano, ndipo tonsefe, titakhala kunyumba, tikuyang'ana dziko lenileni kudzera pawindo ndipo osatenga nawo mbali m'moyo, timakhala ndi maganizo onyoza ndipo tikutsimikiza kuti pali adani ozungulira. ,” akutero Bonanno. "Chomwe chimachititsa kusasangalala kulikonse m'maganizo ndi nkhawa yamkati."

Kuti kusintha kwina kuchitike, chikhulupiriro chakhungu chimafunika kuti mulimonsemo zonse zidzathetsedwa mwa njira yabwino kwambiri ndipo pamapeto pake zonse zikhala bwino.

Kodi kupeza chidaliro ndi kudzidalira kumatanthauza chiyani? “Zimatanthauza kumvetsetsa chimene chiri chibadwa chathu chenicheni ndi kuzindikira kuti chidaliro chimabadwa mwa ife tokha,” akumaliza motero katswiriyo.

Zoyenera kuchita ndi kusakhulupirirana

1. Bwererani ku gwero. Kulephera kukhulupirira ena kaŵirikaŵiri kumagwirizanitsidwa ndi zokumana nazo zowawa pamoyo. Mukazindikira zomwe zidachitika, mudzakhala ololera komanso osinthika.

2. Yesetsani kusafotokozera mwachidule. Sikuti amuna onse amangoganizira za kugonana, si akazi onse omwe amangofuna ndalama, komanso si mabwana onse omwe ali opondereza. Chotsani tsankho ndikupatseni mwayi anthu ena.

3. Yamikirani zokumana nazo zabwino. Ndithudi inu mwakumana ndi anthu oona mtima, osati onyenga okha ndi onyoza. Kumbukirani zokumana nazo zabwino m'moyo wanu, simunatayidwe kukhala wozunzidwa.

4. Phunzirani kufotokoza. Kodi amene watiperekayo akudziwa zoipa zimene anachita? Yesetsani kuti mfundo zanu zimvekenso. Muubwenzi uliwonse, kukhulupirirana kumapezedwa mwa kukambirana.

5. Osachita mopambanitsa. Simufunikanso kuwonetsa aliyense kuti ndinu odalirika komanso okhulupilika bwanji: zabodza zazing'ono - ndipo tsopano ndinu chandamale cha munthu yemwe sali wachifundo. Kumbali ina, ndi kulakwanso kunyalanyaza malingaliro anu, kukhala ngati palibe chomwe chachitika ndipo chidani cha anthu onse sichinabadwe mkati mwanu. Kukhala bwanji? Kulankhula!

Lankhulani za momwe mukumvera ndikufunsani za alendo, mwachitsanzo: "Sindikufuna kukukhumudwitsani, ndiuzeni momwe mukumvera." Ndipo musaiwale kuti zomwezo zimachitikira ambiri monga inu, ndipo zingakhale bwino kuwakumbutsa kuti mumatha kuwamvetsa, koma osapitirira malire.