“Uli ndi bwenzi lapamtima. Ndi iweyo»

Psychology: Ambiri aife tinaphunzitsidwa tili ana kuti tizidzidzudzula tokha. Ndipo tsopano pali kulankhula zambiri za kuvomereza, kuti muyenera kukhala okoma mtima kwa inu nokha. Kodi zimenezi zikutanthauza kuti tiyenera kulekerera zolakwa zathu ngakhalenso makhalidwe oipa?

Svetlana Krivtsova, katswiri wa zamaganizo: Kuvomereza sikufanana ndi kudzichepetsa kapena kuvomereza. "Landirani kanthu" zikutanthauza kuti ndikulola kuti chinthu ichi chichitike m'moyo wanga, ndikuchipatsa ufulu kukhala. Ndikunena modekha kuti: "Inde, ndiko kuti."

Zinthu zina ndizosavuta kuvomereza: ili ndi tebulo, timakhala pamenepo ndikukambirana. Palibe chowopsa kwa ine pano. Ndizovuta kuvomereza zomwe ndikuwona kuti ndizowopsa. Mwachitsanzo, ndapeza kuti nyumba yanga igwetsedwa.

Kodi n’zotheka kukhala bata nyumba yathu ikagwetsedwa?

Kuti izi zitheke, muyenera kugwira ntchito zamkati. Choyamba, dzikakamizeni kuti muime pamene mukufuna kuthawa kapena kuyankha mwaukali.

Tikamaphunzira mozama funso lina, m'pamene timafika pomveka bwino: Kodi ndikuwona chiyani kwenikweni? Ndiyeno tikhoza kuvomereza zimene timaona. Nthawi zina - ndi chisoni, koma popanda chidani ndi mantha.

Ndipo, ngakhale titasankha kumenyera nyumba yathu, tidzatero moyenerera ndi modekha. Ndiye tidzakhala ndi mphamvu zokwanira ndipo mutu udzamveka bwino. Ndiye ife timayankha osati ndi kuchita monga mmene kuthawa kapena nkhanza nyama, koma ndi zochita za munthu. Ndikhoza kuyimbidwa mlandu chifukwa cha zochita zanga. Umu ndi momwe kulinganiza kwamkati kumadza, kozikidwa pa kumvetsetsa, ndi kudekha pamaso pa zomwe zikuwoneka: "Ndikhoza kukhala pafupi ndi izi, sizindiwononga."

Nditani ngati sindingathe kuvomera china chake?

Ndiye ndikuthawa zenizeni. Chimodzi mwazosankha zothawirako ndikusokonekera kwa malingaliro tikamatcha wakuda woyera kapena wopanda kanthu samawona zinthu zina. Uku ndiko kuponderezedwa kosazindikira komwe Freud adalankhula. Zomwe tapondereza zimasintha kukhala mabowo akuda omwe ali ndi mphamvu zenizeni, ndipo mphamvu zawo zimatisungabe zala zathu.

Simungapite kumeneko ndipo palibe chomwe mungatulutse. Mphamvu zonse zimagwiritsidwa ntchito osayang'ana mu dzenje ili, kuzilambalala. Ndilo dongosolo la mantha ndi nkhawa zathu zonse.

Ndipo kuti muvomereze nokha, muyenera kuyang'ana mu dzenje lakuda ili?

Inde. M'malo motseka maso athu, mwa kuyesetsa kuti tidzitembenukire ku zomwe sitikonda, zomwe zimakhala zovuta kuvomereza, ndikuyang'ana: zimagwira ntchito bwanji? Ndi chiyani chomwe tikuopa kwambiri? Mwina sizowopsa? Ndipotu, chochititsa mantha kwambiri ndi zochitika zosadziwika, zamatope, zosaoneka bwino, zomwe zimakhala zovuta kuzimvetsa. Chilichonse chimene tangonena kumene ponena za dziko lakunja chimakhudzanso ubale wathu ndi ife eni.

Njira yodzivomerezera ndiyo kudziŵa mbali zosamveka bwino za umunthu wa munthu. Ngati ndalongosola zinazake, ndimasiya kuchita mantha. Ndikumvetsetsa momwe izi zingachitikire. Kudzivomereza kumatanthauza kudzikonda mobwerezabwereza popanda mantha.

Wafilosofi wa ku Denmark wa m’zaka za zana la XNUMX Søren Kierkegaard analankhula za izi: “Palibe nkhondo yomwe imafunikira kulimba mtima koteroko, komwe kumafunika kudziyang’anira.” Chotsatira cha khama chidzakhala chithunzithunzi chenicheni cha inu nokha.

Koma pali ena amene amatha kudzimva bwino popanda kuchita khama. Ali ndi chiyani chomwe ena alibe?

Anthu oterowo anali ndi mwayi kwambiri: mu ubwana, akuluakulu omwe adawalandira, osati "mbali", koma mwathunthu, adakhala pafupi nawo. Samalani, sindikunena - kukondedwa mopanda malire komanso kuyamikiridwa kwambiri. Chotsatirachi nthawi zambiri chimakhala chinthu chowopsa. Ayi. Kungoti akuluakuluwo sanachite mantha kapena kudana ndi zinthu zilizonse za khalidwe lawo kapena khalidwe lawo, ankayesetsa kumvetsa tanthauzo la mwanayo.

Kuti mwana aphunzire kuvomereza yekha, amafunikira munthu wamkulu wodekha pafupi. Yemwe, ataphunzira za ndewuyo, samafulumira kudzudzula kapena manyazi, koma akuti: "Inde, inde, Petya sanakupatseni chofufutira. Nanunso? Munafunsa Pete njira yoyenera. Inde. Nanga bwanji Petya? Anathawa? Iye analira? Ndiye mukuganiza bwanji za nkhaniyi? Chabwino, ndiye mutani?"

Timafunikira munthu wachikulire wovomereza amene amamvetsera modekha, akufunsa mafunso omveketsa bwino kotero kuti chithunzicho chimveke bwino, kukhala ndi chidwi ndi mmene mwanayo akumvera: “Muli bwanji? Ndipo inu mukuganiza chiyani, kunena zoona? Mwachita bwino kapena moyipa?

Ndipo ngati lero sindikufuna kuvomereza zofooka zina mwa ine, ndizotheka kuti ndinatengera mantha awo kuchokera kwa makolo anga: ena aife sitingathe kutsutsidwa chifukwa makolo athu amawopa kuti sangathe kunyada. mwana.

Tiyerekeze kuti tasankha kudzifufuza tokha. Ndipo sitinakonde zimene tinaona. Kodi kuthana nazo?

Kuti tichite izi, timafunika kulimba mtima ndi ... ubale wabwino ndi ife tokha. Taganizirani izi: aliyense wa ife ali ndi bwenzi lenileni limodzi. Achibale ndi abwenzi - chilichonse chingachitike m'moyo - andisiya. Wina adzapita kudziko lina, wina adzatengedwa ndi ana ndi zidzukulu. Akhoza kundipereka, akhoza kundisudzula. Sindingathe kulamulira ena. Koma pali wina amene sangandisiye. Ndipo uyu ndi ine.

Ndine comrade ameneyo, wolumikizirana wamkati yemwe anganene kuti: "Malizani ntchito yanu, mutu wanu wayamba kale kuwawa." Ine ndine amene nthawizonse kwa ine, amene amayesa kumvetsa. Ndani samamaliza mu mphindi yakulephera, koma akuti: "Inde, wasokoneza, bwenzi langa. Ndiyenera kukonza, apo ayi ndidzakhala ndani? Uku sikudzudzula, uku ndikuthandizira munthu amene akufuna kuti ndikhale wabwino pamapeto pake. Kenako ndimamva kutentha mkati: m'chifuwa, m'mimba mwanga ...

Ndiko kuti, tingathe kudzivomereza tokha ngakhale mwakuthupi?

Ndithudi. Ndikayandikira chinthu chamtengo wapatali kwa ine ndekha ndi mtima wotseguka, mtima wanga "umatenthedwa" ndipo ndimamva kuyenda kwa moyo. Mu psychoanalysis imatchedwa libido - mphamvu ya moyo, ndi kusanthula kukhalapo - mphamvu.

Chizindikiro chake ndi magazi ndi lymph. Amayenda mofulumira pamene ndili wamng'ono ndi wokondwa kapena wachisoni, ndipo pang'onopang'ono ndikakhala wopanda chidwi kapena "wozizira". Choncho, pamene munthu amakonda chinachake, masaya ake amatembenukira pinki, maso ake kuwala, kagayidwe kachakudya njira imathandizira. Kenako amakhala ndi ubale wabwino ndi moyo komanso iyemwini.

N’chiyani chingakulepheretseni kudzivomereza? Chinthu choyamba chomwe chimabwera m'maganizo ndikufanizira kosatha ndi kukongola kwambiri, kwanzeru, kopambana ...

Kudziyerekezera ndi vuto lililonse ngati timaona ena ngati kalilole. Mmene timachitira zinthu ndi ena, tingaphunzire zambiri za ife eni.

Ndipo apa kachiwiri, kukumbukira kungalowererepo. Monga ngati mitu yosiyana ndi ena mwa ife imamveka nyimbo. Kwa ena, nyimbozo zimakhala zosokoneza komanso zowawa, kwa ena zimakhala zokongola komanso zogwirizana.

Nyimbo zoperekedwa ndi makolo. Nthawi zina munthu, atakhala kale wamkulu, amayesa "kusintha mbiri" kwa zaka zambiri. Mutu umenewu ukuonekera bwino ndi mmene anthu amachitira akamadzudzulidwa. Winawake amakhala wokonzeka kuvomereza kulakwa kwake, popanda ngakhale kukhala ndi nthawi yoganizira ngati anali ndi mwayi wochita bwino. Winawake sangapirire kutsutsidwa, amayamba kudana ndi omwe amasokoneza kusachita bwino kwake.

Iyi ndi nkhani yowawa. Ndipo zidzakhala choncho mpaka kalekale, koma tikhoza kuzolowera kuchita zinthu ngati zimenezi. Kapena ngakhale pamapeto tidzafika podalira otsutsa: "Wow, amandisangalatsa bwanji. Ine ndithudi ndikuganiza za izo, zikomo chifukwa cha chidwi chanu.

Mkhalidwe woyamikira kwa otsutsa ndi chizindikiro chofunika kwambiri cha kudzivomereza. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti ndikugwirizana ndi kuunika kwawo, ndithudi.

Koma nthawi zina timacita zinthu zoipa, ndipo cikumbumtima cathu cimativutitsa.

Pokhala ndi unansi wabwino ndi ife eni, chikumbumtima ndicho mthandizi wathu ndi mnzathu. Ali ndi chidwi chapadera, koma alibe chifuniro chake. Zimasonyeza zimene tiyenera kuchita kuti tikhale ife eni, zabwino koposa zimene timafuna kudzidziŵa tokha. Ndipo tikamachita zinthu molakwika, zimatipweteka komanso zimatizunza, koma palibenso…

N'zotheka kuchotseratu kuzunzika kumeneku. Chikumbumtima, kwenikweni, sichingakakamize zinazake kuchitika, chimangonena mwakachetechete. Ndi chiyani kwenikweni? Khalani nokha kachiwiri. Tiyenera kukhala oyamikira kwa iye chifukwa cha zimenezo.

Ngati ndidzidziwa ndekha ndikudalira chidziwitso ichi, sindidzitopetsa ndekha, ndipo ndimamvera chikumbumtima changa - kodi ndimadzivomereza ndekha?

Kuti ndidzivomereze ndekha, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa komwe ndili pano, komwe ndili m'moyo wanga. Kodi ndikumangira chiyani? Tiyenera kuwona zonse, timakhala ngati "kuponya" zonse lero, ndiyeno zimakhala zomveka.

Tsopano makasitomala ambiri amabwera kwa akatswiri azamisala ndi pempho ili: “Ndili wopambana, nditha kulimbikira ntchito, koma sindikuwona tanthauzo lake. Kapena: "Chilichonse chili bwino m'banja, koma ..."

Ndiye mukufuna cholinga chapadziko lonse lapansi?

Osati padziko lonse lapansi. Cholinga chilichonse chogwirizana ndi mfundo zathu. Ndipo chilichonse chingakhale chamtengo wapatali: maubwenzi, ana, zidzukulu. Wina akufuna kulemba buku, wina akufuna kulima dimba.

Kuona kuti moyo uli ndi cholinga sikudalira zimene timachita, koma mmene timachitira. Tikakhala ndi zomwe timakonda komanso zomwe timavomereza mkati, timakhala odekha, okhutira, ndipo aliyense wotizungulira amakhala wodekha komanso wokhutira.

Mwina n’zosatheka kudzivomereza nokha kamodzi kokha. Kodi nthawi zina timachoka mu mkhalidwe umenewu?

Ndiye muyenera kubwerera nokha. Mwa aliyense wa ife, kuseri kwa zachiphamaso ndi tsiku ndi tsiku - kalembedwe, machitidwe, zizolowezi, khalidwe - pali chinachake chodabwitsa: kukhalapo kwanga padziko lapansi pano, umunthu wanga wosayerekezeka. Ndipo zoona zake n’zakuti, sipanakhalepo munthu wonga ine ndipo sipadzakhalanso.

Ngati tidziona motere, timamva bwanji? Kudabwa, kuli ngati chozizwitsa. Ndipo udindo - chifukwa pali zabwino zambiri mwa ine, kodi zingadziwonetsere mu moyo wa munthu mmodzi? Kodi ndikuchita chilichonse pa izi? Ndipo chidwi, chifukwa gawo ili la ine silimazizira, limasintha, tsiku lililonse limandidabwitsa ndi chinachake.

Ngati ndidziyang'ana motere ndikudzichitira chonchi, sindidzakhala ndekha. Pafupi ndi omwe amadzichitira bwino, nthawi zonse pamakhala anthu ena. Chifukwa mmene timachitira zinthu zimaonekera kwa ena. Ndipo amafuna kukhala nafe.