Amene sangathe kuchitapo kanthu popanda kuthandizidwa amatchedwa akhanda komanso onyozedwa pang'ono. Anthu omwe savomereza chifundo ndi kuthandizidwa amaonedwa kuti ndi apamwamba komanso onyada. Onse ndi osakondwa chifukwa sangagwirizane ndi dziko lakunja. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Israel Charney amakhulupirira kuti zonse zimayamba ali mwana, koma munthu wamkulu amatha kukhala ndi makhalidwe omwe akusowa mwa iye yekha.
Sipanakhalepo munthu wanzeru padziko lapansi yemwe angafotokoze momveka bwino chifukwa chake anthu ena amadalira munthu moyo wawo wonse ndipo amafunikira chisamaliro, pamene ena ali odziimira okha ndipo sakonda kuphunzitsidwa, kutetezedwa ndi kupatsidwa malangizo.
Munthu amasankha kukhala wodalira kapena wodziimira payekha. Poona kulondola kwa ndale, khalidwe lake silikhudza aliyense ndendende bola ngati silikuwopseza kapena kukhumudwitsa zofuna za wina. Pakadali pano, kusokonezeka kwa kudalira ndi kudziyimira pawokha kumabweretsa kusokonekera kwakukulu mu ubale ndi dziko lakunja.
- Iye ndi mayi waukali wa ana ambiri, amene alibe nthaŵi ya mitundu yonse ya kukoma mtima ndi kutsetsereka. Zikuoneka kwa iye kuti anawo adzakhala amphamvu ndi odziimira okha monga iye alili, koma ena a iwo amakula okwiya ndi aukali.
- Ndiwokoma kwambiri komanso wamanyazi, wokondana mogwira mtima komanso amayamikira zabwino zonse, koma alibe chilichonse pabedi.
- Safuna aliyense. Anali wokwatiwa ndipo zinali zovuta, ndipo tsopano ali mfulu, akhoza kusintha mabwenzi osachepera tsiku lililonse, koma sadzakhala nawo pachibwenzi chachikulu. Komanso, iye si kapolo!
- Iye ndi mwana wokondedwa womvera, ndi wophunzira wabwino kwambiri, nthawi zonse akumwetulira ndi wochezeka, akuluakulu amasangalala kwambiri. Koma mnyamatayo amakhala wachinyamata ndipo kenako mwamuna, ndipo amapezeka kuti ndi wotayika momvetsa chisoni. Zinachitika bwanji? Izi ndichifukwa choti sangathe kudziyimira pawokha mu mikangano yosapeŵeka, sadziwa momwe angavomereze zolakwa ndi kuthana ndi manyazi, amawopa zovuta zilizonse.
Nthawi zambiri anthu amakumana ndi zovuta zamaganizo. Thandizo limafunikira osati kwa anthu omwe alibe chidwi komanso odalira omwe amakopeka mosavuta ndi kusinthidwa. Anthu amphamvu komanso olimba mtima omwe amapita patsogolo m'moyo ndikulengeza kuti safuna chisamaliro ndi chikondi cha wina aliyense sapezekanso ndi vuto la umunthu.
Psychotherapists, omwe ali otsimikiza kwambiri kuti ndikofunikira kungoyang'ana malingaliro a odwala ndikuwatsogolera pang'onopang'ono kumvetsetsa ndi kuvomereza okha, musakhudze malingaliro akuya. Mwachidule, tanthauzo la lingaliro ili ndilokuti anthu ali monga momwe alili, ndipo ntchito ya psychotherapist ndi kumvera chisoni, kuthandizira, kulimbikitsa, koma osayesa kusintha mtundu waukulu wa umunthu.
Koma pali akatswiri amene amaganiza mosiyana. Tonsefe timafunika kudalira kuti tizikondedwa ndi kuthandizidwa, koma nthawi yomweyo tikhalebe odziimira paokha kuti tithane ndi kulephera molimba mtima. Vuto la kudalira ndi kudziimira limakhalabe lofunika pamoyo wonse, kuyambira ali wakhanda. Ana oonongeka kwambiri ndi chisamaliro cha makolo kotero kuti ngakhale pa msinkhu wodziwa sadziwa kugona pabedi pawo kapena kugwiritsa ntchito chimbudzi paokha, monga lamulo, amakula opanda thandizo ndipo sangathe kukana nkhonya za tsoka.
Ndibwino ngati chizoloŵezi chathanzi chikugwirizana bwino ndi kudziimira.
Kumbali ina, achikulire amene amakana kulandira chithandizo, ngakhale pamene akudwala kapena ali m’mavuto, amadziika kukhala osungulumwa, amalingaliro ndi mwakuthupi. Ndawonapo odwala omwe akudwala kwambiri akuthamangitsidwa ndi ogwira ntchito zachipatala chifukwa sakanakwanitsa kukhala ndi aliyense wowasamalira.
Ndibwino ngati chizoloŵezi chathanzi chikugwirizana bwino ndi kudziimira. Masewera achikondi omwe onse ali okonzeka kutengera zilakolako za wina ndi mzake, mosinthana kukhala zolemetsa, kenako kugonjera, kupereka ndi kulandira chikondi, kugwirizanitsa pakati pa mbali zawo zodalira ndi zodziimira, zimabweretsa chisangalalo chochuluka.
Pa nthawi yomweyo, nzeru ochiritsira kuti kwambiri chimwemwe mwamuna kapena mkazi ndi wodalirika bwenzi amene ali wokonzeka kugonana pa kuitana koyamba ndi mokokomeza kwambiri. Iyi ndi njira ya kunyong'onyeka ndi kupatukana, osanenapo kuti amene amakakamizika kukhala "wosiya ntchito" amagwera mu bwalo loyipa lamanyazi oyaka moto ndipo amamva ngati kapolo.
Akandifunsa choti ndichite ngati ana akukula opanda msana kapena ouma khosi, ndimayankha kuti zonse zili m’manja mwa makolo. Poona kuti zizindikiro zina zimalamulira khalidwe la mwanayo, munthu ayenera kuganizira mozama za momwe angakhazikitsire mwa iye makhalidwe omwe akusowa.
Okwatirana akabwera, ndimayesetsanso kusonyeza kuti angathe kusonkhezera wina ndi mnzake. Ngati mmodzi wa iwo ali wofooka ndi wokayikakayika, wachiwiri amamuthandiza kudzikhulupirira ndi kukhala wamphamvu. Mosiyana ndi zimenezi, wokondedwa wofewa amatha kuletsa zokhumba zachiwiri ndipo, ngati kuli kofunikira, amasonyeza kulimba kwa khalidwe.
Mutu wapadera ndi maubwenzi kuntchito. Anthu ambiri sakhala osangalala chifukwa choti tsiku lililonse amachita zomwezo nthawi zonse, kutemberera atsogoleri ndi machitidwe omwe amagwira ntchito. Inde, kupeza zofunika pamoyo n’kovuta, ndipo si aliyense amene angachite zimene akufuna. Koma kwa iwo omwe ali ndi ufulu wosankha ntchito yawo, ndimafunsa kuti: Kodi munthu angadzipereke bwanji kuti asunge ntchito?
N'chimodzimodzinso ndi maubwenzi ndi mabungwe osiyanasiyana ndi ntchito za boma. Tiyerekeze kuti mukufunikira chithandizo chamankhwala ndikuwongolera mozizwitsa kuti mupite kwa wowunikira wotchuka, koma amakhala wamwano komanso amalankhula mokhumudwitsa. Kodi mudzapirira, chifukwa mukufuna kulandira upangiri waukatswiri, kapena mudzakaniza koyenera?
Kapena, titi, dipatimenti yamisonkho imafuna kulipira ndalama zosayerekezeka, ndikuwopseza ndi milandu ndi zilango zina? Kodi mudzalimbana ndi kupanda chilungamo, kapena mudzagonja nthaŵi yomweyo ndi kugonja pa zinthu zosayenerera kuti mupewe mavuto ena?
Nthaŵi ina ndinafunikira kuchiza wasayansi wotchuka amene inshuwaransi yake yaumoyo ya boma inalipiritsa mtengo wa chithandizo chamaganizo ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo, malinga ngati anavomerezedwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo kapena opaleshoni ya minyewa. Wodwala uyu adatumizidwa kwa ine «kokha» ndi katswiri waubongo ndipo kampani ya inshuwaransi idakana kulipira.
Kuganiza bwino kwatiuza tonse kuti nitpick inali yosalungama. Ndidalangiza wodwalayo (munthu wosasamala kwambiri, mwa njira) kuti aimirire ufulu wake ndikulonjeza kuti ndilimbana naye: chitani chilichonse chomwe mungathe, gwiritsani ntchito akatswiri, kuyimbira foni ndikulemba paliponse, perekani komiti yolimbana ndi inshuwaransi, zilizonse. Komanso, ndinatsimikizira kuti sindidzafuna malipiro kwa iye pa nthawi yanga - ine ndekha ndinakwiya ndi khalidwe la inshuwalansi. Ndipo pokhapokha ngati atapambana, ndidzakhala wokondwa ngati akuwona kuti ndi koyenera kundilipira malipiro a maola onse omwe amathera pa chithandizo chake.
Anamenya nkhondo ngati mkango ndipo anali wodzidalira kwambiri pa nthawi ya mlanduwo, moti tonse tinakhutitsidwa. Iye anapambana ndipo analandira malipiro a inshuwaransi, ndipo ine ndinalandira mphoto imene inkandiyenerera. Chosangalatsa kwambiri, sikunali kupambana kwake kokha. Izi zitachitika, inshuwaransi ya ogwira ntchito m'boma la US idasintha: ntchito za akatswiri amisala zidaphatikizidwa m'malamulo azachipatala.
Cholinga chokongola bwanji: kukhala wodekha komanso wolimba, kukonda ndi kukondedwa, kulandira chithandizo ndikuvomereza moyenerera chizolowezi chanu, ndipo nthawi yomweyo khalani odziyimira pawokha ndikuthandiza ena.
Ponena za wolemba: Israel Charney, American-Israeli psychologist ndi sociologist, woyambitsa ndi pulezidenti wa Israel Association of Family Therapists, co-founder ndi wachiwiri kwa pulezidenti wa International Association of Genocide Researchers, wolemba wa Existential-Dialectical Family Therapy: Mmene Mungatulutsire Chinsinsi cha Ukwati.