Nsanje ili ngati lupanga lakuthwa konsekonse, akutero profesa wa zamaganizo Clifford Lazarus. Pang'onoting'ono, kumverera uku kumateteza mgwirizano wathu. Koma ikangololedwa kuphuka, imapha ubalewo pang’onopang’ono. Kodi mungathane ndi nsanje yochuluka bwanji?
Kumbuyo kwa malingaliro aliwonse omwe timabisala nsanje, mosasamala kanthu momwe tingasonyezere, kumbuyo kwake kumakhala nthawi zonse mantha a kutha kwa wokondedwa, kutaya chidaliro ndi kusungulumwa kumakula.
“Chodabwitsa chomvetsa chisoni cha nsanje n’chakuti, m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, chimadzetsa malingaliro ongopeka amene kaŵirikaŵiri sakhala ogwirizana ndi zenizeni,” akutero katswiri wamaganizo Clifford Lazarus. - Munthu wansanje amalankhula za kukayikira kwake kwa mnzake, amakana chilichonse, ndipo kuyesa kudziteteza ku mawu okhumudwitsa kumayamba kuganiziridwa ndi womuneneza ngati chitsimikiziro cha malingaliro ake. Komabe, kusintha kwa interlocutor kukhala malo otetezera ndiko kuyankha kwachibadwa kupsinjika ndi kukhudzidwa kwamaganizo kwa munthu wansanje.
Ngati kukambirana kotereku kubwerezedwa ndipo mnzake "woimbidwa mlandu" akuyenera kufotokozera mobwerezabwereza komwe anali ndi yemwe adakumana naye, izi zimamuwononga ndipo pang'onopang'ono zimamulekanitsa ndi mnzake "wozenga mlandu".
Pamapeto pake, timakhala pachiopsezo cha kutaya wokondedwa wawo osati chifukwa cha chikondi chake mwa munthu wina: iye sangapirire mkhalidwe wakusakhulupirira nthaŵi zonse, thayo lokhazika mtima pansi wansanje ndi kusamalira chitonthozo chake chamaganizo.
Mankhwala othana ndi nsanje
Ngati, mukamachitira nsanje mnzanuyo, mukuyamba kudzifunsa mafunso, mutha kukhala omangirira pamalingaliro anu.
Dzifunseni nokha: ndi chiyani chomwe chimandichititsa nsanje pompano? Ndiwopa chiyani kwenikweni? Kodi ndikuyesera kusunga chiyani? Kodi muubwenzi ndi chiyani chomwe chimandilepheretsa kudzidalira?
Kumvetsera nokha, mukhoza kumva zotsatirazi: "Sindine wokwanira (wabwino) kwa iye", "Ngati munthuyu andisiya, sindingathe kupirira", "Sindidzapeza aliyense ndipo ndidzakhala. atasiyidwa yekha.” Kusanthula mafunso ndi mayankho awa kumathandizira kuchepetsa kuchuluka kwa chiwopsezo, potero kuthetsa malingaliro a nsanje.
Nthawi zambiri, nsanje imayambitsidwa ndi mantha athu osadziwika omwe alibe chochita ndi zolinga za mnzanuyo, kotero gawo lotsatira ndilo lingaliro lotsutsa zomwe zimawoneka ngati umboni wa kusakhulupirika kwa wokondedwa. Kukhoza kuwunika mozama chomwe chidakhala choyambitsa nkhawa ndiye gawo lofunika kwambiri pothetsa vutoli.
Zikuwoneka kuti wokondedwa ndiye gwero la malingaliro athu, koma ndife tokha tili ndi udindo pakuwonetsetsa kwa nsanje yathu.
Lankhulani ndi okondedwa anu mwaulemu ndi kudalira. Zochita zathu zimakhudza maganizo athu. Kusonyeza kusakhulupirira mnzathu, timayamba kukhala ndi nkhawa komanso nsanje. M’malo mwake, tikakhala omasuka kwa wokondedwa wathu ndi kutembenukira kwa iye mwachikondi, timamva bwino.
Pewani mawu akuti "inu" ndikuyesa kunena kuti "ine" nthawi zambiri momwe mungathere. M'malo monena kuti, "Simunayenera kuchita izi" kapena "Munandikhumudwitsa," pangani mawuwa mosiyana: "Zinali zovuta kwambiri zitachitika."
Kawonedwe kanu ka zinthu kangakhale kosiyana kwambiri ndi mmene mnzanuyo amazionera. Yesetsani kuti musamachite zinthu mwanzeru, ngakhale kuti nthawi zina mungafune kumuimba mlandu. Zikuwoneka kuti wokondedwa ndiye gwero la malingaliro athu, koma ndife tokha tili ndi udindo wowonetsa nsanje yathu. Yesetsani kumvetsera kwambiri m'malo mokwiyitsa mnzanuyo ndi zifukwa zopanda malire.
Yesetsani kulowa mu malo a mnzanuyo ndikumumvera chisoni. Amakukondani, koma amakutengerani kumalingaliro anu okulirapo komanso zokumana nazo zamkati, ndipo sikophweka kwa iye kupirira kufunsidwa kwanu mobwerezabwereza. Pamapeto pake, ngati mnzanuyo azindikira kuti alibe mphamvu zochepetsera nsanje yanu, amayamba kudzifunsa mafunso opweteka: Kodi ubale wanu udzatembenukira kuti ndi chiyani?
Umu ndi momwe nsanje, yobadwa mwina ndi malingaliro okha, ingabweretse zotsatira zomwe timaopa kwambiri.
Za wolemba: Clifford Lazarus ndi pulofesa wa psychology.