Otentha komanso osaleza mtima, ali okonzeka kuphulika nthawi iliyonse. Ngakhale mutapanda kuwaputanso, amapezabe chifukwa chokuwa. Ubale ndi anthu oterowo uli ngati kukhala paphiri lophulika. Kodi «anger junkies» ndi ndani, chomwe chimawatsogolera komanso momwe angapulumuke pampanipani waukali wawo?
Pamsonkhano woyamba, mwamuna wamtsogolo wa Sonya adachita chidwi ndi munthu wachikoka komanso wopambana. Kwa miyezi isanu ndi itatu ali pachibwenzi, anamugonjetsa mosamala. Komabe, pausiku woyamba wa honeymoon, adachita zinthu zoopsa kwambiri mu hoteloyo. Sonya anangopempha mwamuna wake kuti amupatse mapu a mzindawu. Iye anati, “Ayi!” - ndipo anayamba kuwononga mipando mu chipinda cha hotelo.
"Ndinazizira m'malo mwake. Analengeza kuti andisudzula, ndipo anapita kukagona. Sindinagone usiku wonse, kuyesera kumvetsetsa zomwe ndiyenera kuchita tsopano ndi momwe khalidweli likukhalira ndi chikhalidwe, "akukumbukira Sonya.
M’maŵa mwake, Sonya anaima potulukira pa hotelayo n’kumadikirira takisi yopita ku bwalo la ndege. Anaganiza kuti ukwati watha. Mwamunayo adayandikira, akumwetulira modabwitsa, adatcha chochitikacho nthabwala yosachita bwino ndikufunsa kuti "musachite zopusa."
Ndipo patatha sabata zonse zidachitikanso… Banja lawo lidatenga zaka zisanu. Nthawi yonseyi, Sonya ankayenda mozungulira mwamuna wake ndi tiptoe, kuopa mkwiyo wake. Iye sanakweze dzanja lake kwa iye, koma kwenikweni anaika moyo wake pansi pa zofuna zake. Atakhala kasitomala wa psychotherapist, adamva kuti adakwatiwa ndi "chizoloŵezi chokwiya."
Tonsefe timakwiya nthawi ndi nthawi. Koma mosiyana ndi anthu ambiri, anthuwa amafunika kudyetsedwa ndi mkwiyo nthawi zonse. Kuzungulira kwa kumwerekera kwawo kumaphatikizapo kumasuka, kaya pali chifukwa chake kapena ayi. Mwanjira imeneyi, amakwaniritsa zosowa zamkati zomwe nthawi zambiri sizigwirizana ndi zomwe zidayambitsa kuphulikako.
Asanakwatirane, m’pofunika kudziŵa bwino malo a munthu wofuna kukhala mwamuna.
Kodi mkwiyo umayambitsa bwanji kudalira thupi?
Panthawi yaukali, adrenaline imatulutsidwa m'magazi. Hormoni iyi imatipatsa mphamvu komanso imachepetsa ululu. Chisangalalo cha kuthamanga kwa adrenaline chimakhala chofanana panthawi ya kulumpha kwa parachute komanso mumkwiyo wolungama. Munthu amagwa mwaufulu kuti athetse kupsinjika maganizo kapena kuchotsa maganizo okhumudwitsa. Monga lamulo, pokhala ndi mkwiyo, amamva bwino, pamene ozunzidwa ake amaphwanyidwa kwathunthu.
Anthu okwiyitsa amayamikira kwambiri kutengeka kumeneku kuposa adrenaline. Iyi ndi njira yomwe angapezeke kuti athe kuthana ndi vutoli ndikuthetsa mikangano akamangopanga moŵa (chitetezo chabwino kwambiri pa kusakhutira kwapakhomo ndikuwukira). Kuonjezera apo, amadziwa bwino kuti kupsa mtima kwawo kumawopsyeza okondedwa awo ndipo amawalola kuti asungidwe pa leash yaifupi.
“Mkwiyo ndiye mkhalidwe wakale kwambiri womwe sufuna maziko anzeru. N'zosavuta kugonja ku mayesero ake, chifukwa imapangitsa kuti zenizeni zikhale zosavuta komanso zimapatsa mphamvu, "akutero Ivan Tyrell, woyambitsa maphunziro a kupsa mtima.
Zimadziwika kuti kutengeka uku ndi khalidwe la amuna: ndi omwe nthawi zambiri amawononga okondedwa awo. Kumodzi mwa kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa amuna ndi akazi ndi chakuti akazi amasiyanitsa mobisa mithunzi ya malingaliro, pamene amuna amawawona mosiyana ndipo m'maso mwawo amawoneka opambana kapena otayika. Zimapangitsanso kuti zikhale zovuta kwa iwo kuvomereza kuti ali ndi mantha kapena okhumudwa.
Si anthu okhawo amene amakonda kupsa mtima amene amavutika ndi kupsa mtima. Katswiri wa zamaganizo John Gottman ananena kuti ngakhale kuti anzake a mkanganowo amadandaula chifukwa cha kupsa mtima kwawo koopsa, amakumbukira nthawi ya kuyanjanitsa, zomwe sizichitika popanda zokhumudwitsa.
“Kugwirizana pakati pa chikondi ndi chiwawa sikukumvekabe. Nyama zomwe zimaphunzitsidwa pogwiritsa ntchito njira ya "kaloti ndi ndodo" zimakhala zokondana kwambiri ndi eni ake kusiyana ndi zomwe zathandizidwa bwino. Tsoka ilo, mabanja ambiri apita kutali ndi iwo,” akutero.
Katswiri wa zamaganizo Gal Lindenfield akugogomezera kufunika kwa kudziŵa mkhalidwe wa wokwatiwayo asanakwatirane: “Pezani mmene unansi wake uliri ndi abale ake, makolo, ndi mabwenzi. Ngati iwo, ngakhale moseketsa, akuwonetsa kuti avutika kangapo ndi khalidwe losapiririka komanso kupsa mtima kwa bwenzi lanu, ndi bwino kuganizira. N’zokayikitsa kuti ungakhale wosiyana nawo.”
Kodi mungatani ngati simungathe kuthetsa vutoli?
Katswiri wazamisala komanso wolemba Emotional Freedom Judith Orloff amapereka malangizo.
- Yesetsani kuchitapo kanthu poyamba mwaukali. Werengani mpaka khumi. Ganizirani za mpweya, osati wolakwayo.
- Osatsutsa kapena kupereka zifukwa. Tangoganizani kuti mkwiyo ukudutsa popanda kukukhudzani.
- Zindikirani “kuyenerera” kwa wolakwayo. “Inde, ndikumvetsa mmene mukumvera. Ndimamvanso chimodzimodzi. Ndimangowafotokozera mosiyana pang'ono. Tiye tiyankhule, "mawu oterowo akuchotsa zida.
- Khalani ndi malire. Kulankhula molimba mtima ndikofunikira: "Ndimakukondani, koma sindingayankhe zonena zanu mukamalankhula mokweza."
- Sonyezani chifundo. Monga mukudziwira tsopano, kukwiyitsa kumangophimba malingaliro ambiri olakwika. Zingakhale zoipa bwanji kwa munthu wapafupi ndi inu ngati nthawi zonse amakhala wokwiya? Izi sizimakhululukira munthu wokwiya, koma zimathandiza kuthetsa mkwiyo.