Kaŵirikaŵiri zimawonekera kwa ife kuti awo amene, pazifukwa zina, alibe banja amavutika ndi kusungulumwa. Koma kukhala wekha sikufanana ndi kukhala wosungulumwa. Zosiyana kwambiri: m'nthawi yathu ino, ndi anthu awa omwe amalankhulana kwambiri ndi abwenzi ndi achibale.
M'zaka za zana la XNUMX, anthu amadzimva okha okha kuposa kale. Izi ndi zimene olemba a kafukufuku wina amene anachita posachedwapa ku United States anati. Komanso: masiku ano kusungulumwa kwasanduka mliri.
Anthu ambiri amavomereza kuti amene akukhala okha alibe munthu woti atembenukireko m’nthaŵi zovuta. Mu phunziroli, olembawo adaphatikizapo onse omwe amakhala okha komanso omwe amasungulumwa ngati otenga nawo mbali. Zinapezeka kuti mungathe kusungulumwa ngakhale m’banja.
Zochita zamagulu ndi "kavalo" wa osungulumwa
Koma si zokhazo: zikuwonekeratu kuti anthu osakwatiwa, makamaka omwe akhala osakwatiwa kwa nthawi yayitali, amakhala omasuka komanso otanganidwa kwambiri.
Kafukufuku wina wokhudza anthu 300 ochokera kumayiko 000 adawonetsa kuti amuna amasiye, omwe adasudzulidwa komanso osakwatirana, amakumana ndi anzawo 31% nthawi zambiri kuposa omwe ali pabanja. Zoona zake n’zakuti nthawi zambiri anthu amene asankha kulowa m’banja amakhala odzipatula, amasokoneza ubwenzi wawo ndi anzawo komanso achibale awo, choncho amasungulumwa kwambiri.
Kukhala wekha ndi kudzimva wekha si chinthu chomwecho. Koma zonsezi ndi zizindikiro za nthawi yathu.
Kusungulumwa ndi vuto lapadera lomwe siliyenera kusokonezedwa ndi kusankha udindo: kukwatiwa / kukwatiwa kapena kukhala nokha. Komanso, nthawi zina ikhoza kukhala yankho labwino.
John Cascioppo, wolemba buku lakuti Loneliness, anati: “Kukhala wekha ndiponso kudziona uli wekha n’zosiyana. Koma zonsezi ndi zizindikiro za nthawi yathu. Iwo amene amakonda kukhala payekha amafunabe maubwenzi: amayendetsedwa ndi liwongo. Komabe, amadziimba mlandu kwambiri akadzalowa m’banja. Kukhala wokondwa wekha kuli koyenera monga kufunafuna chisangalalo mwa okwatirana.
Kodi kukhala wekha ndi chisankho choyenera?
Kuyerekeza kwa khalidwe la maanja mu 1980 ndi 2000 kunasonyeza kuti okwatirana mu chitsanzo cha 2000, mosiyana ndi okwatirana mu 1980, amalankhulana mochepa ndi abwenzi ndipo sakhala ochezeka. Koma anthu amene sali pa banja masiku ano amakhala omasuka bwino ndi anthu. Osungulumwa kwambiri m’nthaŵi yathu ino ndi anthu okwatirana, osati osakwatiwa amene amachezerana ndi anzawo.
Izi zikutanthauza kuti kuwonjezeka kwa chiwerengero cha anthu omwe amasankha kuti asalowe mu chiyanjano ndi chiyembekezo, osati chowopsya, chifukwa n'zosavuta kuti asunge maubwenzi a anthu.
Poyamba, banja linali mwala wapangodya wa dongosolo lothandizira, koma patapita nthawi pakhala kusintha kwa mapangidwe a "mgonero wa osungulumwa". Ubwenzi uli magwero a nyonga kwa anthu oterowo, ndipo chichirikizo chimene chinalipo kale m’banja tsopano chimachokera kwa anthu ena amene kulankhulana nawo sikungakhale kocheperapo. Alexander wazaka 47 anati: “Ndili ndi anzanga ambiri amene ndimalankhula nawo pafupifupi tsiku lililonse.
Ubale wamtunduwu umakondedwanso ndi omwe akufuna kukhala okha kumapeto kwa tsiku. Anthu oterowo amabwerera kwawo pambuyo pa phwando ndi anzawo, ndipo chimene amafunikira ndicho mtendere ndi bata kuti apezenso bwino.
Ku Ulaya ndi ku America, achinyamata oposa 50 pa XNUMX alionse amanena kuti sakufuna kukwatira kapena kukwatiwa
Ndinakhala ndekha kwa zaka 17. Koma sindinali wosungulumwa,” akukumbukira motero Maria wazaka 44. - Pamene ndinkafuna, ndinalankhula ndi anzanga, koma izi sizinachitike tsiku lililonse. Ndinkasangalala kukhala ndekha.”
Komabe, vuto ndi loti ambiri amakhulupirirabe kuti anthu oterowo ndi ochezeka. Izi, mwachitsanzo, zikuwonetsedwa ndi zotsatira za kafukufuku yemwe ophunzira 1000 adatenga nawo mbali. N’zosadabwitsa kuti iwo eniwo amangokhulupirira zinthu zimene anthu ena amanena zokhudza iwo eni.
Ngakhale zili choncho, anthu osungulumwa sachita zinthu zimene amayembekezera. Pa kafukufuku wina, anthu azaka zapakati pa 50 ndi kupitirira apo anafunsidwa kuti afotokoze za ubale wawo ndi achibale awo ndi anzawo. Anthu opitilira 2000 adatenga nawo gawo pa kafukufukuyu, ndipo zidatenga pafupifupi zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi. Maphunzirowa adagawidwa m'magulu atatu: omwe amakhala okha, omwe akhala pachibwenzi kwa zaka zosakwana zitatu, ndi omwe akhala pachibwenzi kwa zaka zoposa zinayi. Zinapezeka kuti osungulumwa amathera nthawi yambiri ndi abwenzi, abale, mabwenzi ndi anansi.
Ku Ulaya ndi ku America, achinyamata oposa 50 pa XNUMX alionse amanena kuti sakufuna kukwatira kapena kukwatiwa, ndipo pa zifukwa zomveka. Ndipo koposa zonse, izi sizowopsa: m'malo mwake, ngati pali osakwatiwa ambiri padziko lapansi, titha kukhala ndi chiyembekezo chabwino. Mwinamwake tidzayamba kuthandiza ena kwambiri, kulankhulana ndi anzathu ndi kukhala otanganidwa kwambiri ndi moyo wa anthu.
Zokhudza Wolemba: Eliakim Kislev ndi PhD mu Sociology komanso mlembi wa Happy Solitude: On Growing Acceptance and Welcome to the Solo Life.