Banja lotsekeredwa m'nyumba yokongola kwinakwake kumpoto kwa France: bambo wotengeka kwambiri anali ndi lingaliro lakulera mwana wamkazi wamphamvu kwambiri, mayi wofooka komanso msungwana wozunzidwa. Kuyesera mwankhanza, kudzipatula, chiwawa… Maud Julien anafotokoza nkhani yake yochititsa mantha m’buku lake lakuti Daughter’s Tale.
Mu 1960, Mfalansa Louis Didier adagula nyumba pafupi ndi Lille ndipo adapuma pantchito ndi mkazi wake kuti akwaniritse ntchito ya moyo wake - kulera munthu woposa umunthu kuchokera kwa mwana wake wamkazi, Maud.
Maud anali kuyembekezera chilango okhwima, mayesero a mphamvu, njala, kusowa pang'ono kutentha ndi chisoni makolo ake. Kuwonetsa kulimba mtima kodabwitsa komanso kufuna kukhala ndi moyo, Maud Julien adakula kukhala psychotherapist ndipo adapeza mphamvu zogawana zomwe adakumana nazo poyera. Timasindikiza zolemba kuchokera m'buku lake la "Nthano ya Mwana wamkazi", lomwe limasindikizidwa ndi nyumba yosindikizira ya Eksmo.
“Bambo akubwerezanso kuti chilichonse chimene amachita amandichitira. Kuti amapereka moyo wake wonse kwa ine kuti andiphunzitse, kuumba, kundijambula kuchokera kwa ine munthu wapamwamba yemwe ndiyenera kukhala ...
Ndikudziwa kuti ndiyenera kusonyeza kuti ndine woyenera kugwira ntchito zimene adzandipatse m’tsogolo. Koma ndikuwopa kuti sindingathe kukwaniritsa zofunika zake. Ndikumva wofooka kwambiri, wopusa, wopusa. Ndipo ndimamuopa kwambiri! Ngakhale thupi lake lolemera kwambiri, mutu waukulu, mikono yaitali yopyapyala ndi maso achitsulo. Ndimachita mantha kwambiri moti miyendo yanga imanjenjemera ndikamayandikira.
Choyipa kwambiri kwa ine ndikuti ndikuyima ndekha motsutsana ndi chimphona ichi. Palibe chitonthozo kapena chitetezo chomwe chingayembekezere kuchokera kwa amayi. "Monsieur Didier" kwa iye ndi demigod. Amamukonda ndi kudana naye, koma samayesa kutsutsana naye. Ndilibe chochitira koma kutseka maso anga, ndikunjenjemera ndi mantha, ndikuthawira pansi pa phiko la mlengi wanga.
Nthawi zina bambo anga amandiuza kuti ndisachoke m’nyumba muno ngakhale akadzamwalira.
Bambo anga amakhulupirira kuti maganizo angathe kuchita chilichonse. Zokwanira zonse: amatha kugonjetsa ngozi iliyonse ndikugonjetsa chopinga chilichonse. Koma kuti tichite zimenezi, kukonzekera kwanthaŵi yaitali, kokangalika kumafunika, kutali ndi zonyansa za dziko lodetsedwali. Nthaŵi zonse amanena kuti: “Munthu mwachibadwa ndi woipa, dzikoli n’loopsa. Dziko lapansi ladzaza ndi anthu ofooka, amantha omwe amakakamizika kuperekedwa chifukwa cha kufooka ndi mantha awo.
Atate akhumudwitsidwa ndi dziko lapansi; nthawi zambiri ankaperekedwa. Iye akundiuza kuti: “Sudziwa kuti uli ndi mwayi wotani kuti usaipitsidwe ndi anthu ena. Ndi momwe nyumbayi ilili, kuletsa misma yakunja. Nthawi zina bambo anga amandiuza kuti ndisachoke panyumbapo, ngakhale atamwalira.
Chikumbukiro chake chidzakhalabe m'nyumba muno, ndipo ngati ndimusamalira, ndikhala wotetezeka. Ndipo nthawi zina amanena kuti pambuyo pake ndikhoza kuchita chilichonse chimene ndikufuna, ndikhoza kukhala pulezidenti wa France, mayi wa dziko. Koma ndikatuluka m’nyumba muno, sindidzachita zimenezi kuti ndikhale ndi moyo wopanda cholinga cha “Abiti Palibe”. Ndidzamusiya kuti agonjetse dziko lapansi ndi "kukwaniritsa ukulu."
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“Amayi amandiwona ngati cholengedwa chodabwitsa, chitsime chopanda malire cha zolinga zoipa. Ine momveka splattering inki pa pepala dala, ndipo monga mwadala ine anadula chidutswa pafupi galasi pamwamba pa tebulo lalikulu chodyera. Ndimapunthwa dala kapena kumeta khungu langa ndikazula udzu m'munda. Inenso ndimagwa ndikukanda dala. Ndine “wabodza” komanso “wonamizira”. Nthawi zonse ndimayesetsa kukopa chidwi changa.
Panthaŵi imodzimodziyo pamene makalasi oŵerenga ndi kulemba anayambika, ndinali kuphunzira kukwera njinga. Ndinali ndi njinga yamwana yokhala ndi mawilo ophunzitsira pa gudumu lakumbuyo.
“Tsopano tiwavula,” anatero amayiwo tsiku lina. Bambo anaima kumbuyo kwathu n’kumaonerera zimene zinkachitikazo. Amayi anandikakamiza kukhala panjinga yosakhazikikayo mwadzidzidzi, ndipo anandigwira mwamphamvu ndi manja onse aŵiri, ndipo—whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh makankhira mwamphamvu kutsogolo pansi panjira yotsetsereka.
Nditagwa, ndinang’amba mwendo wanga pamiyala ndipo ndinagwetsa misozi ya ululu komanso manyazi. Koma nditaona anthu awiri aja akungondiyang'ana, kulira kunali kokhakokha. Mosataya mawu, amayi anga anandibwezeranso panjingayo n’kundikankhira maulendo angapo kuti ndiphunzire kuchita bwino ndekha.
Chifukwa chake mutha kulephera mayeso anu koma osakhumudwitsidwa.
Mikwingwirima yanga inachiritsidwa pomwepo: amayi anga anandigwira bondo mwamphamvu, ndipo bambo anga anathira mowa wamankhwala pamabala opwetekawo. Kulira ndi kubuula kunali koletsedwa. Ndinayenera kukukuta mano.
Ndinaphunziranso kusambira. Zoonadi, kupita ku dziwe losambira la m’deralo kunali kosatheka. M’chilimwe pamene ndinali ndi zaka zinayi, atate anamanga dziwe losambira “kwa ine ndekha” kumapeto kwa dimba. Ayi, osati dziwe lokongola lamadzi la buluu. Anali kachidutswa kakang'ono kwambiri kamadzi, kofinyidwa mbali zonse ndi makoma a konkire. Madzi kumeneko anali akuda, oundana, ndipo pansi sindinkatha kuona.
Mofanana ndi njinga, phunziro langa loyamba linali losavuta komanso lofulumira: amayi anga anangondiponya m’madzi. Ndinamenya, kukuwa ndi kumwa madzi. Nditangotsala pang’ono kumira ngati mwala, iye anadumphira m’kati mwake n’kundipha. Ndipo zonse zinachitikanso. Ndinakuwanso, kulira ndi kutsamwitsidwa. Amayi ananditulutsanso.
"Udzalangidwa chifukwa cha kung'ung'udza kopusa kumeneko," adatero asanandibwezere m'madzi mopanda ulemu. Thupi langa linkavutikira kuyandama pomwe mzimu wanga udapindika mkati mwanga kukhala mpira wothina pang'ono nthawi iliyonse.
“Munthu wamphamvu salira,” anatero tateyo, akuyang’anira kasewero kameneka chapatali, ataimirira kuti utsiwo usafike. - Muyenera kuphunzira kusambira. Izi ndizofunikira ngati mutagwa kuchokera pamlatho kapena mutathawa kuti mupulumutse moyo wanu.
Pang'onopang'ono ndinaphunzira kusunga mutu wanga pamwamba pa madzi. Ndipo m’kupita kwa nthawi anakhala munthu wodziwa kusambira. Koma ndimadana ndi madziwo monga mmene ndimadana ndi dziwe ili limene ndiyenera kukaphunzitsabe.”
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(zaka 10 pambuyo pake)
“M’maŵa wina, ndikupita kunsanja yoyamba, ndinaona envelopu m’bokosi la makalata ndipo inatsala pang’ono kugwa, ndikuwona dzina langa litalembedwa m’malembo okongola. Palibe amene anandilemberapo ine. Manja anga akunjenjemera ndi chisangalalo.
Ndikuwona kumbuyo kwa kalatayo kuti ikuchokera kwa Marie-Noelle, yemwe ndinakumana naye panthawi ya mayeso - mtsikana wodzaza ndi chimwemwe ndi mphamvu, komanso, kukongola. Tsitsi lake lakuda lamtengo wapatali amakokedwa kumbuyo kwa mutu wake ndi ponytail.
“Tamverani, tikhoza kulemberana makalata,” iye anatero. - Kodi mungandipatse adilesi yanu?
Ndimatsegula movutikira ndikutsegula mapepala awiri odzaza, ophimbidwa mbali zonse ndi mizere ya inki ya buluu, ndi maluwa ojambulidwa m'mphepete mwake.
Marie-Noelle amandiuza kuti analephera mayeso ake, koma zilibe kanthu, adakali ndi chilimwe chosangalatsa. Chifukwa chake mutha kulephera mayeso anu koma osakhumudwitsidwa.
Ndikukumbukira kuti anandiuza kuti anakwatiwa ali ndi zaka khumi ndi zisanu ndi ziwiri, koma tsopano akunena kuti anakangana ndi mwamuna wake. Adakumana ndi mnyamata wina ndipo adapsopsonana.
Kenako Marie-Noel anandiuza za maholide ake, za “mayi” ndi “abambo” komanso mmene amasangalalira kuwaona chifukwa ali ndi zambiri zoti awauza. Iye akuyembekeza kuti ndidzamulembera kalata ndipo tidzakumananso. Ngati ndikufuna kubwera kudzamuwona, makolo ake angasangalale kundilandira, ndipo ndikhoza kukhala kunyumba yawo yachilimwe.
Ndine wokondwa kwambiri: wandikumbukira! Chimwemwe chake ndi mphamvu zake zimapatsirana. Ndipo kalatayo imandidzaza ndi chiyembekezo. Zikuoneka kuti mayeso akalephera, moyo umapitirira, kuti chikondi sichitha, pali makolo amene amapitiriza kukambirana ndi ana awo aakazi.
Kodi ndingamulembere chiyani? Ndilibe choti ndimuwuze… Kenako ndimaganiza: ayi, alipo! Ndikhoza kumuuza za mabuku amene ndinaŵerenga, onena za munda, ndi za Pete, amene wangomwalira kumene, atakhala ndi moyo wautali. Nditha kumuuza momwe wakhalira “bakha wolumala” m'masabata aposachedwa komanso momwe ndimamuwonera akuseka ndi chikondi.
Ndikuzindikira kuti ngakhale atachotsedwa padziko lapansi, ndili ndi chonena, kuti moyo umapitirira paliponse.
Ndimayang'ana m'maso mwa abambo anga. Ndikudziwa chilichonse chokhudza kuyang'ana maso - kuposa momwe amachitira, chifukwa ndi amene amalepheretsa maso ake.
M’maganizo mwanga ndimamulembera kalata pamasamba angapo; Ndilibe okondedwa, koma ndimakonda moyo, ndi chilengedwe, ndi nkhunda zomwe zaswa kumene ... Ndikupempha amayi anga mapepala okongola ndi masitampu. Amuuze kaye kuti awerenge kalata ya Marie-Noelle ndipo anatsala pang'ono kukomoka chifukwa chokwiya.
“Wangotuluka kunja kamodzi kokha, ndipo wasokonezeka kale ndi mahule!” Mtsikana wokwatiwa ali ndi zaka khumi ndi zisanu ndi ziwiri ndi hule! Ndipo anapsompsona mnyamata wina!
Koma akusudzulana…
Amayi alanda kalatayo ndipo amandiletsa kuti ndisamakumane ndi “hule wodetsedwa uja.” Ndakhumudwa. Bwanji tsopano? Ndimayenda mozungulira khola langa ndikugunda zitsulo kumbali zonse. Ndimakwiyitsidwa komanso kukhumudwa ndi zolankhula zabodza zomwe amayi amalankhula patebulo.
"Tinkafuna kupanga munthu wangwiro mwa inu," akutero, "ndipo izi ndi zomwe tapeza. Ndiwe wokhumudwitsa woyenda.
Abambo asankha nthawi yomweyi kuti andiphunzitse kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi mopenga: kudula khosi la nkhuku ndi kundiuza kuti ndimwe magazi ake.
- Ndi zabwino kwa ubongo.
Ayi, izi zachuluka. Kodi sakumvetsa kuti ndilibenso chonditaya? Kodi ali ndi chiyani ndi kamikaze? Ayi, sakumvetsa. Amaumirira, amalankhula momveka, akuwopseza ... Akayamba kukuwa momwemo zomwe zidapangitsa kuti magazi anga azizizira m'mitsempha yanga ndili mwana, ndimaphulika:
- Ndinati ayi! Sindimwa magazi a nkhuku, lero kapena tsiku lina lililonse. Ndipo tsopano, ine sindidzayang'anira manda ako. Ayi! Ndipo ngati kuli kofunikira, ndidzadzaza ndi simenti kuti asabwerenso. Ndikudziwa zonse za momwe mungakonzekere simenti - zikomo kwa inu!
Ndimayang'ana m'maso mwa abambo anga, ndikuyang'anitsitsa. Ndikudziwanso chilichonse chokhudza kuyang'ana maso - zikuwoneka kuposa momwe amachitira, chifukwa amalepheretsa maso ake. Ndatsala pang’ono kukomoka, koma ndinachitadi zimenezo.”
Buku la Maud Julien "Nthano ya Mwana wamkazi" idasindikizidwa mu Disembala 2019 ndi nyumba yosindikiza ya Eksmo.