Amuna omwe safuna kugonana

Akatswiri ofufuza za kugonana ndi a psychotherapists akuchulukirachulukira kumva kuchokera kwa amuna kudandaula za kusowa kwa chikhumbo. "Pali achinyamata ambiri pakati pawo, omwe sanakwanitse zaka makumi atatu," akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo Inna Shifanova. "Sakhala ndi vuto la thupi, komanso alibe chidwi: sasamala za mnzawo kapena mnzawo aliyense." Kodi kuchepa kwa chidwi pa kugonana uku kumachokera kuti, amuna omwe safuna kugonana amachokera kuti?

Chikhumbo choponderezedwa

“Pokhala wokopeka ndi mkazi, ndimaoneratu mavuto,” akuvomereza motero Mikhail wazaka 43 zakubadwa. “Mantha anga aakulu ndi kulephera kudziletsa. Izi zinachitika kale, ndipo nthawi zonse ndikalakwitsa zinandiwonongera ndalama zambiri. Chikhumbo chofuna kupewa zotsatira zosafunika, monga kudalira bwenzi, kutaya ufulu wodzilamulira, chiopsezo chokhala ndi vuto la maganizo oipa («sipadzakhala kugonana mpaka nditalandira mphatso») — zonsezi zikhoza kukakamiza munthu kukana wapamtima. maubale. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti mwamuna alibe chilakolako chogonana.

"Zizimiririka pokhapokha chifukwa cha vuto lalikulu la mahomoni," akugogomezera katswiri wa zachiwerewere Yuri Prokopenko. "Komabe, kukopa kumatha kuchepetsedwa." Mosiyana ndi nyama, anthu amatha kulamulira chibadwa chawo. Motero, tingasankhe kusiya zosangalatsa za thupi m’dzina la lingaliro.

“Awo amene analeredwa ndi mzimu woumirira makhalidwe abwino angaone kugonana kukhala chinthu chowopsya, “cholakwa,” akuwonjezera motero katswiri wa zachiwerewere Irina Panyukova. Kenako munthu woteroyo amayesa kudziletsa kwathunthu kapena pang'ono ngati "khalidwe labwino".

Kuopa kulephera

Anapita masiku pamene chisangalalo chachimuna chokha chinali chofunikira pakugonana. Masiku ano, mwamuna amadziwa kuti udindo wake ndi kusamalira mkazi. Amene nthawi zina amakhulupirira kuti, pamodzi ndi ufulu zosangalatsa, iwo alandira ufulu kutsutsidwa, nthawi zina ndithu bilious. Mawu oterowo angakhale akupha ku zilakolako za amuna. “Kudzudzula kwa kugonana kumalembedwa m’chikumbukiro cha mwamuna kosatha, adzakumbukira moyo wake wonse,” akutero katswiri wa zachiwerewere Irina Panyukova.

“Nthaŵi zina ndimamva akazi akudandaula kuti: “Sanandipatse mpata,” akutero Yuri Prokopenko, “monga ngati kuti mnzake wamubisa ndipo sagawana. Koma ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa bwino za kufanana kwa amuna ndi akazi: ndizosatheka kuyala udindo wonse wa chisangalalo mwa okwatirana pa m'modzi yekha wa okwatirana. Aliyense ayenera kuphunzira kudzisamalira, kulinganiza ndi kutsogolera mnzake ngati kuli kofunikira.”

Lankhulani za makhalidwe abwino a amayi

Zitsenderezo zobisika za anthu ndizonso zachititsa kuchepa kwa chikhumbo cha amuna, akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo Helen Vecchiali.

“Gulu limakweza ukazi ndi ukoma “wachikazi”: kufatsa, mgwirizano, chikhumbo chofuna kukambirana chilichonse… "Amuna amayenera kukulitsa mikhalidwe imeneyi mwa iwo okha - ngati kuti zonse "zabwino" mwa akazi, ndipo zonse ndi zolakwika mwa amuna!" Kodi n'kosavuta kukhalabe mwamuna pamene chimene chimapanga umuna chikuwoneka ngati chaukali, chaukali, chankhanza? Kodi mungasonyeze bwanji chikhumbo m'mawu osadziwika kwa wokamba nkhani? Ndipo pambuyo pa zonse, akazi sapindula ndi kuchepetsedwa koteroko kwa makhalidwe a amuna.

“Amafunika kusirira mwamuna kuti am’konde,” akupitiriza motero katswiri wa zamaganizo. Ndipo amafunika kufunidwa. Zikuwonekeratu kuti akazi amataya mbali zonse ziwiri: amakhala ndi amuna omwe sakuyamikiridwanso komanso omwe sakuwafunanso.

Kulakwitsa kwa owonera

Nthawi zina mfundo yakuti chilakolako chapita chimapangidwa ndi mmodzi kapena onse a zibwenzi, osati chifukwa cha zenizeni, koma pamaziko a malingaliro a momwe «ziyenera kukhalira.» "Kwa chaka chimodzi, ine ndi bwenzi langa tinkakumana kamodzi pa sabata, ndipo ndimangomva zabwino zokhazokha kuchokera kwa iye," Pavel, 34, akugawana nkhani yake. “Komabe, titangoyamba kukhalira limodzi, ndinamva kusakhutira kwake kokulirakulira ndipo sindinathe kumvetsetsa zifukwa zake kufikira pamene anafunsa mosapita m’mbali chifukwa chimene tinali kugonana kwenikweni. Koma sizinali zochepa kuposa kale! Zinapezeka kuti ankayembekezera kuti tikamakhalira limodzi, usiku uliwonse uzikhala wosangalala ngati pamisonkhano yachidule. Mosazindikira, ndinamukhumudwitsa ndipo ndinadzimva chisoni kwambiri.”

"Lingaliro loti mwamuna amafuna kugonana nthawi zonse ndipo amakhala wokonzeka nthawi iliyonse, momwe angafune, komanso ndi wina aliyense, amakhala nthano kapena chinyengo potengera kuti zomwe zimatengedwa ngati wamkulu. ulamuliro. Mwachilengedwe, amuna ali ndi zosowa zosiyana zogonana, - akupitiriza Yuri Prokopenko. - Pa nthawi ya kugwa m'chikondi, kumawonjezeka, koma kenako amabwerera mlingo mwachizolowezi. Ndipo kuyesa kuonjezera kugonana kumakhala ndi mavuto ambiri, monga matenda a mtima. Ndikofunikiranso kukumbukira kuti chilakolako chogonana chimachepa ndi zaka, osati kudzifunira nokha kapena wokondedwa wanu "mbiri" zam'mbuyo.

Kodi zolaula zili ndi mlandu?

Malingaliro a akatswiri amasiyana momwe kupezeka kwa zolaula ndi zolaula kumakhudzira chilakolako cha amuna. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Jacques Aren amakhulupirira kuti “pali kukhuta kwina kwa kugonana komwe kumadzaza chilichonse chozungulira. Koma nthawi zonse chilakolako chimakhutitsidwa ndi kusowa kwa zomwe timalakalaka. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, akugogomezera kuti kwa achichepere, kusowa kwa chikhumbo sikukutanthauza kusakhalapo kwa kugonana: maubwenzi awa amangopatula gawo la maganizo, kukhala "ukadaulo".

Ndipo Yuri Prokopenko amakhulupirira kuti zolaula sizichepetsa chikhumbo: "Chilakolako cha kugonana chikufanana ndi njala: sichingatheke poyang'ana ena akudya." Komabe, m’lingaliro lake, chizoloŵezi choonera zolaula chingakhudze mlingo wa chikhutiro: “Okonda mavidiyo angakhale opanda chisonkhezero chowonekera, chifukwa pogonana kwenikweni sitiwoneka monga momwe timamvera, mmene timamvera, mmene timachitira.” Mutha kupanganso kusowa uku mothandizidwa ndi magalasi, ndipo maanja ena amagwiritsa ntchito zida zamakanema kuti azidziwonera okha kuchokera kumbali, akumva ngati gulu lopanga la filimu yawo yolaula.

Yang'anani mahomoni

Ngati chilakolako chataya, amuna opitirira 50 ayenera kukaonana ndi madokotala, andrologist Ronald Virag akulangiza. Kukopa kumagwirizana ndi milingo ya testosterone. Zomwe zili m'magazi zimachokera ku 3 mpaka 12 nanograms pa mililita. Ngati icho chigwera pansi pa mlingo uwu, pali kuchepa kwakukulu kwa chikhumbo. Zigawo zina zamoyo zimagwiranso ntchito, makamaka mahomoni a pituitary ndi hypothalamus, komanso ma neurotransmitters (dopamines, endorphins, oxytocin). Kuphatikiza apo, mankhwala ena amachepetsa kupanga testosterone. Zikatero, mahomoni amatha kuperekedwa.

Yuri Prokopenko akufotokoza momveka bwino kuti: "Komabe, kuti kuchepa kwa chikhumbo kuyambitsidwe ndendende ndi zifukwa za mahomoni, kuyenera kukhala koopsa kwambiri (mwachitsanzo, kutaya (kuphatikizapo mowa). kusinthasintha kwawo kwachilengedwe m'tsogolomu sikumakhudza libido.Zifukwa za kuchepa kwa chikhumbo zimakhala makamaka zamaganizo.

Kupanikizika mochulukira

"Mwamuna akamanditembenukira zakusowa kwa chikhumbo, nthawi zambiri zimakhala kuti ali ndi zovuta ... kuntchito," akutero Inna Shifanova. "Atasiya kudalira luso lake, amayamba kukayikira luso lake lina." Chilakolako cha kugonana ndi gawo limodzi chabe la libido ndi chikhumbo chathu chonse. Kusowa kwake kungathe kulembedwa pa nkhani ya kuvutika maganizo: mwamuna sakufunanso kugonana, koma sakufunanso china chilichonse.

Jacques Aren akufotokoza za “matenda otopa achikulire” kuti: “Amakhala ndi ntchito yambiri, ana amene amam’topetsa, mavuto obwera chifukwa cha “kutha ndi kutha” m’banja, amaopa kukalamba ndi kuchepa mphamvu, ndiponso amaopa kukalamba. sichapafupi kumpatsa mphamvu zatsopano. pakufuna kwanu.” Kana kudzudzulidwa, kuthandizira - ndicho chimene mkazi angamuchitire. Komabe, ndikofunikira kukambirana zovuta za mnzanuyo mosamala, kuteteza kudzidalira kwake ndikukumbukira kuti "kulankhula pamitu yovuta kungayambitse nkhawa komanso nkhawa. Maganizo amenewa amatsogolera ku zilakolako za thupi," akutsindika Irina Panyukova. Chotero musayambe kukambirana koteroko musanayambe kugonana.

Kulowerana wina ndi mzake?

Momwe mungagwirizanitse zilakolako za akazi ndi amuna? “Kusuntha,” akuyankha Helen Vecchiali, “kuvomereza chenicheni chakuti zinthu zasintha. Tikukhala m’nthawi ya kusintha kwa maudindo, ndipo kwachedwa kwambiri kuti tingadandaule ndi nthawi ya makolo akale. Yakwana nthawi yoti akazi asiye kufuna chilichonse kwa amuna nthawi imodzi. Ndipo zidzakhala zothandiza kuti amuna azisonkhanitsa: akazi asintha, ndipo lero akudziwa zomwe akufuna. M'lingaliro limeneli, amuna ayenera kutenga chitsanzo kwa iwo ndi kutsimikizira zofuna zawo.