Kufunafuna "woyenera" wokwatirana naye kumayima, amayi amakhumudwa kwambiri ndikufunsa mafunso okhudza zomwe zili zolakwika ndi iwo, zomwe adalakwitsa. Katswiri wa zamaganizo a anthu Madeleine Fougeres ndi wotsimikiza kuti pamene tikuyang'ana bwenzi laubwenzi wolimba, tiyenera kuzindikira zikhumbo zathu zachibadwa. Sizipweteka kuti akazi adziwe kuti amuna omwe amakopeka nawo nthawi zambiri sakonda kukhala ndi mgwirizano wautali.
Kodi timadalira chiyani posankha bwenzi, mgwirizano umene pamapeto pake umakhala waufupi? Kodi ndi zolakwa ziti zomwe timalakwitsa ndipo tingapewe bwanji? Nazi zina zofunika.
1. Kukopa mwakuthupi
Sikuti aliyense wa ife amavomereza kuti kukongola kwa thupi la bwenzi loyenera kukhala lofunika kwa iye. Koma zoona zake n’zachidziŵikire: amuna okongola mosakayikira amakopa akazi ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, zomwe zimatsimikiziridwa, mwa zina, ndi kafukufuku wa akatswiri a maganizo a ku America Eli Finkel ndi Paul Eastwick.
Mwa zina, kukopa kumeneku sikumadziwa ndipo kumakhala ndi mizu yachisinthiko: nkhope zambiri zamphongo ndi zofanana zimasonyeza ubwino wa majini. Sitinasiyidwenso opanda chidwi ndi mikhalidwe ina yabwino imene imaoneka kuti ikugwirizana ndi kukongola kwakuthupi. Tikulankhula za umunthu wowala komanso kuthekera kwa munthu kukhala ndi moyo wokangalika.
Komabe, kwa omwe akufunafuna ubale wautali, wokhazikika, ndi bwino kusiya amuna okongola okha. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti amuna okongola amakonda kubera akazi awo. Ndiponso, amasudzulana kaŵirikaŵiri, mwinamwake chifukwa chakuti amapeza kukhala kovuta kukana mipata imene unansi watsopano umalonjeza.
2.Mawu achigololo
Akazi nthawi zambiri amakopeka ndi amuna okhala ndi mawu achigololo. Amakonda kukonda mawu akuya, achimuna omwe amawonetsa kuchuluka kwa testosterone. Kuwonjezera apo, akazi amapeza amuna omwe ali ndi timbre yabwino kwambiri ndipo amawaona kuti ndi osangalatsa kwambiri. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, amuna okha samayesetsa kukhala ndi zoyembekeza zazikulu: amakhala ndi zibwenzi zambiri, amatha kunyenga abwenzi omwe amakhala nawo nthawi yayitali.
Kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti ndi pakati pa amuna omwe ali ndi mawu ozama ogonana omwe amakhala makamaka onyengerera omwe amakopa akazi omwe adakwatiwa kale ndi chigololo. Musamawaganizire onyengererawa ngati mabwenzi anthawi yayitali.
3. Amuna mu maubwenzi
Akazi ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha nthawi zambiri amakopeka ndi amuna omwe ali kale pachibwenzi. Izi zimatchedwa "kusankha wokwatirana naye": ngati mwamuna walandira "chilolezo" kuchokera kwa mkazi m'modzi, ena amayamba kumupezanso wokongola. Komanso, amapereka mmalo kwa amuna omwe ali ndi zibwenzi kapena azikazi, osati akazi.
Chifukwa chiyani sikuli lingaliro labwino kutsata mwamuna yemwe ali kale ndi bwenzi ngati cholinga chanu chachikulu ndi ubale wautali? Ngati mwamuna ali wokonzeka kusiya wokondedwa wake chifukwa cha inu, ndiye kuti adzachitanso chimodzimodzi ndi inu pamene njira yosangalatsa ikuwonekera.
Kupeza zambiri zogonana kudzathandiza kupewa cholakwika ichi. Amayi odziwa zambiri amakhala ndi chidaliro posankha bwenzi lawo ndipo samaona kufunika kotengera zosankha za ena.
Chibwenzi ndi amuna oyenera
Ngati mukufuna kukhala ndi chibwenzi chachifupi komanso champhamvu, ndiye kuti mwamuna wokongola wokhala ndi mawu achigololo atha kukhala bwenzi labwino. Koma kuti mukhale ndi ubale wamphamvu wautali, muyenera kuyang'ana amuna mwanjira zina. Kulemekezana ndikofunika kwambiri kuti mgwirizano ukhale wopambana.
Kuonjezela pa cikondi, cimagwilizana ndi kukhutitsidwa ndi kukhala paubwenzi wamuyaya, komanso kuona mtima. Ndiponso, pamene tidziŵana kwambiri, kukondana, ndi kulemekezana, m’pamenenso kukongola kwakuthupi kumacheperachepera m’kusunga unansi wanthaŵi yaitali.
Za wolemba: Madeleine Fougeres ndi pulofesa wa psychology ya anthu ku Eastern Connecticut University komanso wolemba The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romance.