Timakhulupirira kuti maubwenzi adzatipangitsa kukhala osangalala, ndipo panthawi imodzimodziyo ndife okonzeka kupirira mavuto omwe amabweretsa. Kodi chododometsa chimenechi chikuchokera kuti? Wafilosofi Alain de Botton akufotokoza kuti zomwe timafuna mosazindikira mu maubwenzi si chimwemwe konse.
Zonse zinali zabwino kwambiri: anali wodekha, womvetsera, kumbuyo kwake ndinkamva ngati kuseri kwa khoma lamwala. Ndi liti pamene adakwanitsa kusanduka chilombo chomwe sichindilola kukhala ndi moyo, ndi nsanje chifukwa cha chilichonse ndikutseka pakamwa pake?
Madandaulo oterewa amatha kumveka nthawi zambiri pokambirana ndi bwenzi kapena wothandizira, kuwerenga pamabwalo. Koma kodi pali chifukwa chilichonse chodziimba mlandu chifukwa chakhungu kapena myopia? Timasankha molakwa, osati chifukwa chakuti talakwitsa mwa munthu, koma chifukwa chakuti mosadziwa timakopeka ndi makhalidwe amene amayambitsa mavuto.
Kubwerezabwereza kunadutsa
Tolstoy analemba kuti: "Mabanja onse amakhala osangalala mofanana, koma banja lililonse limakhala losasangalala m'njira yakeyake." Ayenera kuti analondola, koma maubwenzi osasangalala alinso ndi zofanana. Ganiziraninso za ubale wanu wakale. Mutha kuwona mawonekedwe obwereza.
Mu maubwenzi, timadalira zomwe timazidziwa bwino, zomwe takumana nazo kale m'banja. Sitikuyang'ana chisangalalo, koma zodziwika bwino
Mwachitsanzo, mumagwa chifukwa cha kusintha komweko mobwerezabwereza, khululukirani zolakwa, yesetsani kufikira mnzanuyo, koma akuwoneka kuti ali kumbuyo kwa khoma lagalasi losamveka. Kwa ambiri, ndikukhala opanda chiyembekezo komwe kumakhala chifukwa chopuma komaliza. Ndipo pali kufotokozera kwa izi.
M'moyo wathu, zambiri zimatsimikiziridwa ndi zizolowezi, zina zomwe timapanga tokha, zina zimangochitika zokha, chifukwa ndizosavuta. Zizolowezi zimateteza ku nkhawa, zimakukakamizani kuti mufike kwa omwe mumawadziwa. Kodi izi zikugwirizana bwanji ndi maubwenzi? Mwa iwo, timadaliranso zomwe timazidziwa bwino, zomwe takumana nazo kale m'banja. Malinga ndi wafilosofi Alain de Botton, sitikuyang'ana chimwemwe mu maubwenzi, koma kumverera kodziwika bwino.
Mabwenzi osamasuka achikondi
Kugwirizana kwathu koyambirira—kwa makolo kapena munthu wina waulamuliro—kunakhazikitsa maziko a ubale wamtsogolo ndi anthu ena. Tikuyembekeza kukonzanso mu maubwenzi achikulire malingaliro omwe timawadziwa bwino. Kuonjezera apo, poyang'ana amayi ndi abambo, timaphunzira momwe maubwenzi amagwirira ntchito (kapena ayenera kugwira ntchito).
Koma vuto ndi lakuti chikondi kwa makolo chimasanduka chogwirizana kwambiri ndi zowawa zina: kusatetezeka ndi kuopa kutaya chiyanjo chawo, kuipidwa ndi zilakolako “zachilendo” zathu. Zotsatira zake, sitingathe kuzindikira chikondi popanda mabwenzi ake osatha - kuzunzika, manyazi kapena kudziimba mlandu.
Monga achikulire, timakana ofunsira chikondi chathu, osati chifukwa chakuti timawona chinachake choipa mwa iwo, koma chifukwa chakuti iwo ndi abwino kwambiri kwa ife. Timamva ngati sitikuyenera. Timafunafuna ziwawa zachiwawa osati chifukwa zipangitsa moyo wathu kukhala wabwino komanso wowoneka bwino, koma chifukwa zimagwirizana ndi zochitika zodziwika bwino.
Timakhala ndi zizolowezi, koma zili ndi mphamvu pa ife malinga ngati sitikuzidziwa.
Titakumana ndi "omwewo", "wathu", sitingaganize kuti tayamba kukondana ndi mwano wake, kusazindikira kapena kudzikonda. Tidzasilira kutsimikiza kwake komanso kudekha kwake, ndipo tidzawona kuti narcissism ndi chizindikiro cha kupambana. Koma kusazindikira kumawunikira chinthu chodziwika bwino komanso chowoneka bwino pamawonekedwe a wosankhidwayo. Sizofunika kwambiri kwa iye kaya tidzavutika kapena kusangalala, chinthu chachikulu ndi chakuti tidzakhalanso «kunyumba», kumene chirichonse chiri chodziwikiratu.
Chotsatira chake, sikuti timangosankha munthu kukhala bwenzi logwirizana ndi zomwe takumana nazo kale paubwenzi, koma pitirizani kusewera naye motsatira malamulo omwe anakhazikitsidwa m'banja mwathu. Mwinamwake makolo athu sanatilabadire kwenikweni, ndipo timalola mnzathuyo kunyalanyaza zosoŵa zathu. Makolo anatiimba mlandu chifukwa cha mavuto awo - timapirira chitonzo chomwecho kuchokera kwa mnzawo.
Njira yakumasulidwa
Chithunzicho chikuwoneka chakuda. Ngati sitinakulire m’banja la anthu okondana kwambiri, achimwemwe ndi odzidalira, kodi tingayembekezere kukumana ndi mabwenzi oterowo m’miyoyo yathu? Kupatula apo, ngakhale zitawoneka m'chizimezime, sitingathe kuzipenda.
Izi sizowona kwathunthu. Timakhala ndi zizolowezi, koma zili ndi mphamvu pa ife bola ngati sitikuzidziwa. Yesetsani kuyang'ana momwe mumachitira ndi kupeza zofanana ndi zomwe munakumana nazo paubwana wanu. Kodi mumamva bwanji (kapena munamvapo bwanji muubwenzi wakale) pamene wokondedwa wanu akuchotsa malingaliro anu? Mukamva kuti muzimuthandiza pa chilichonse, ngakhale mukuona ngati akulakwitsa? Ndi liti pamene amakuimbani mlandu wakusakhulupirika ngati mumatsutsa moyo wake?
Tsopano pangani m’maganizo mwanu chithunzi cha munthu wamphamvu, wokhwima maganizo wodzidalira kwambiri. Lembani mmene mumamuonera, ndipo yesani kuchita zimenezi nokha. Yesetsani kusewera zovuta zanu. Mulibe ngongole kwa wina aliyense, ndipo palibe amene ali ndi ngongole kwa inu, simuyenera kupulumutsa aliyense kapena kupereka nsembe chifukwa cha ena. Mukhala bwanji tsopano?
Simungathe kumasuka ku ukapolo wa zizolowezi zaubwana nthawi yomweyo. Mungafunike thandizo la akatswiri. Koma m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, mudzaphunzira kuzindikira zizindikiro zowopsa m’khalidwe lanu. Pogwira ntchito nokha, zingawoneke kuti ubale womwe ulipo umabweretsa kutha. Mwina zotsatira zake zidzakhala kutha. Mukhozanso kukhala ndi chikhumbo chofuna kupita patsogolo, chomwe chidzakhala maziko a ubale watsopano, wathanzi.
Za wolemba: Alain de Botton ndi mlembi, wafilosofi, wolemba mabuku ndi nkhani za chikondi, ndi woyambitsa Sukulu ya Moyo, yomwe imalimbikitsa njira yatsopano ya maphunziro motsatira nzeru za masukulu a ku Greece wakale.