Sitingakhale osangalala nthawi zonse… ndipo zili bwino!

M'zaka za m'ma 1990, katswiri wa zamaganizo Martin Seligman adatsogolera nthambi yatsopano ya sayansi, maganizo abwino, omwe adayika chodabwitsa cha chisangalalo pakati pa kafukufuku. Gululi linatenga malingaliro kuchokera ku psychology yaumunthu, yomwe, kuyambira kumapeto kwa zaka za m'ma 1950, yatsindika kufunikira kwa aliyense kuzindikira zomwe angathe ndikudzipangira tanthauzo lake m'moyo.

Kuyambira nthawi imeneyo, maphunziro masauzande ambiri achitika ndipo mabuku mazanamazana asindikizidwa ndi mafotokozedwe ndi malangizo amomwe munthu angakhalire ndi moyo wabwino. Kodi tangoyamba kukhala osangalala? Chifukwa chiyani kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti kukhutitsidwa kwathu ndi moyo sikunasinthe kwa zaka zopitilira 40?

Nanga bwanji ngati zoyesayesa zonse zopezera chimwemwe zili chabe kuyesa kosaphula kanthu kusambira motsutsana ndi masiku ano, chifukwa chakuti timakonzekera kukhala osasangalala nthaŵi zambiri?

Sindikupeza chilichonse

Vuto lina ndi loti chisangalalo si chinthu chimodzi. Wolemba ndakatulo komanso wanthanthi Jennifer Hecht akupereka lingaliro mu The Happiness Myth kuti tonsefe timakhala ndi mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya chimwemwe, koma sizimathandizana. Mitundu ina ya chimwemwe ingakhale mikangano.

Mwa kuyankhula kwina, ngati tili okondwa kwambiri mu chinthu chimodzi, zimatilepheretsa kukhala ndi chimwemwe chokwanira mu chinthu china, chachitatu ... N'zosatheka kupeza mitundu yonse ya chimwemwe nthawi imodzi, makamaka mochuluka.

Mwachitsanzo, lingalirani moyo wokhutiritsa kotheratu, wogwirizana, wozikidwa pa ntchito yabwino ndi ukwati wabwino. Ichi ndi chisangalalo chomwe chimawululidwa kwa nthawi yayitali, sichidziwika nthawi yomweyo. Pamafunika khama lalikulu ndi kukana zosangalatsa zina za kanthaŵi, monga maphwando afupipafupi kapena kuyenda mwachisawawa. Zikutanthauzanso kuti simungawononge nthawi yambiri mukucheza ndi anzanu.

Koma kumbali ina, ngati mutanganidwa kwambiri ndi ntchito yanu, zosangalatsa zina zonse m’moyo zidzaiwalika. Ngati mulingo wa chisangalalo ukukwera m'dera lina, ndiye kuti mosakayika kumachepera kwina.

M'mbuyomu komanso tsogolo lodzaza ndi mwayi

Vutoli limakulitsidwa ndi momwe ubongo umasinthira chisangalalo. Chitsanzo chosavuta. Kumbukirani kuti nthawi zambiri timayamba chiganizo ndi mawu akuti: "Zingakhale bwino ngati ... (ndipita ku koleji, ndikapeza ntchito yabwino, kukwatira, ndi zina zotero)." Anthu achikulire amayamba chiganizo ndi mawu osiyana pang'ono: "Zowona, zinali zabwino pamene ..."

Ganizilani za mmene timachulukila pa nthawi ino: “Ndizosangalatsa kuti pakali pano…” Zoonadi, zam’mbuyo ndi zam’tsogolo sizikhala zabwinoko kuposa masiku ano, koma timapitilizabe kuganiza choncho.

Zikhulupiriro zimenezi zimatchinga mbali ya maganizo imene ili ndi maganizo osangalala. Zipembedzo zonse zimamangidwa kuchokera kwa iwo. Kaya tikukamba za Edeni (pamene chirichonse chinali chachikulu kwambiri!)

N’chifukwa chiyani ubongo umagwira ntchito motere? Ambiri ali ndi chiyembekezo chopambanitsa - timakonda kuganiza kuti tsogolo lidzakhala labwino kuposa lapano.

Kuti ndiwonetse izi kwa ophunzira, ndimawauza koyambirira kwa semesita yatsopano zomwe ophunzira anga apeza pazaka zitatu zapitazi. Ndiyeno ndimawafunsa kuti anene mosadziŵika kuti adzalandira giredi yanji. Zotsatira zake ndi zofanana: magiredi omwe amayembekezeredwa amakhala okwera kwambiri kuposa omwe wophunzira aliyense angayembekezere. Timakhulupirira kwambiri zabwino kwambiri.

Akatswiri ozindikira zamaganizo apeza chodabwitsa chomwe amachitcha kuti mfundo ya Pollyanna. Mawuwa adabwereka pamutu wa buku la wolemba ana waku America Eleanor Porter "Pollyanna", lofalitsidwa mu 1913.

Chofunikira pa mfundo iyi ndikuti timapanganso ndi kukumbukira zambiri zosangalatsa zakale kuposa zomwe zili zosasangalatsa. Kupatulapo ndi anthu omwe amakonda kukhumudwa: nthawi zambiri amangokhalira kuganizira zolephera zakale komanso zokhumudwitsa. Koma ambiri amangoganizira za zinthu zabwino ndipo amaiwala msanga mavuto a tsiku ndi tsiku. Ndicho chifukwa chake masiku abwino akale amawoneka abwino kwambiri.

Kudzinyenga ngati mwayi wachisinthiko?

Malingaliro awa okhudza zam'mbuyo ndi zam'tsogolo amathandizira psyche kuthetsa ntchito yofunika yosinthira: kudzinyenga kotereku kumakulolani kuti mukhalebe ndi malingaliro amtsogolo. Ngati zam'mbuyo ndi zabwino, ndiye kuti m'tsogolomu ukhoza kukhala wabwinoko, ndiye kuti ndi bwino kuyesetsa, kugwira ntchito pang'ono ndikuchoka ku zosasangalatsa (kapena, tinene, zamba) zomwe zilipo.

Zonsezi zikufotokozera kutha kwa chisangalalo. Ofufuza zamaganizo akhala akudziwa kale chomwe chimatchedwa hedonic treadmill. Timagwira ntchito molimbika kuti tikwaniritse cholinga chake ndikuyembekezera chisangalalo chomwe chidzabweretsa. Koma, tsoka, titatha kuthetsa vutoli kwakanthawi kochepa, timabwerera mwachangu kumlingo woyamba wa (kusakhutira) ndi moyo wathu wanthawi zonse, kuti tithamangitse maloto atsopano, omwe - tsopano motsimikizika - adzatipanga ife. wokondwa.

Ana asukulu anga amakwiya ndikawauza. Amakwiya ndikawauza kuti m’zaka 20 adzakhala osangalala monga mmene alili panopa. M’kalasi lotsatira, angalimbikitsidwe ndi mfundo yakuti m’tsogolo adzakumbukira mosangalala mmene anasangalalira ku koleji.

Mulimonse momwe zingakhalire, kufufuza kwa opambana ma lotale akuluakulu ndi ena okwera ndege—omwe tsopano akuwoneka kuti ali ndi chirichonse—kumakhala kochititsa manyazi nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi monga shawa lozizira. Amachotsa malingaliro olakwika akuti ife, popeza talandira zomwe tikufuna, tingasinthedi miyoyo ndi kukhala osangalala.

Kufufuza kumeneku kwasonyeza kuti chochitika chilichonse chofunika kwambiri, kaya n’chachisangalalo (chopambana madola milioni imodzi) kapena chachisoni (mavuto athanzi obwera chifukwa cha ngozi), sichimakhudza kwambiri chikhutiro cha moyo wautali.

Mphunzitsi wamkulu yemwe amalota kukhala pulofesa ndi maloya omwe amalota kukhala ochita nawo bizinesi nthawi zambiri amadzifunsa komwe adafulumira.

Nditalemba ndi kusindikiza bukhulo, ndinakhumudwa kwambiri: Ndinakhumudwa ndi mmene ndinasangalalira “ndinalemba bukhu” mwamsanga! zinasintha kukhala zokhumudwitsa "Ndinangolemba buku limodzi."

Koma umo ndi momwe ziyenera kukhalira, makamaka kuchokera ku lingaliro lachisinthiko. Kusakhutira ndi zomwe zikuchitika komanso maloto amtsogolo ndizomwe zimakulimbikitsani kuti mupite patsogolo. Ngakhale kuti kukumbukira zinthu zakale kumatitsimikizira kuti zokhudzika zomwe tikuyang'ana zilipo kwa ife, takhala nazo kale.

Ndipotu, chimwemwe chosatha ndi chosatha chingasokoneze kotheratu chifuno chathu chochita, kukwaniritsa ndi kukwaniritsa chilichonse. Ndikukhulupirira kuti makolo athu omwe anali okhutitsidwa kwathunthu ndi chilichonse adaposa achibale awo pachilichonse.

Izo sizimandivutitsa ine, kwenikweni mosiyana. Kuzindikira kuti chimwemwe chilipo, koma chimawonekera m'moyo ngati mlendo woyenera yemwe samachitirapo nkhanza kuchereza alendo, kumathandiza kuyamikira maulendo ake akanthawi kochepa kwambiri. Ndipo kumvetsetsa kuti n'kosatheka kukhala ndi chisangalalo m'chilichonse komanso nthawi imodzi, kumakupatsani mwayi wosangalala ndi mbali za moyo zomwe zakhudza.

Palibe amene akanalandira zonse nthawi imodzi. Povomereza izi, mudzachotsa kumverera kuti, monga akatswiri a zamaganizo akhala akudziwa kale, kumasokoneza kwambiri chisangalalo - kaduka.

Za wolemba: Frank McAndrew ndi katswiri wazamisala komanso Pulofesa wa Psychology ku Knox College, USA.